I hate myself

I am feeling really nauseous at the moment. Its like I am being isolated within my room, the four walls being my companion and this iBook is my only window to the outside world.

Its so ironic that the Internet is supposed to be the pathway to the world and yet, everytime when I log on to it, I felt even more lonely and isolated. Ultimately every personas online are just that, personas, individuals who are perhaps too afraid or too tired to venture out to the reality outside of this cold and lonely cyberworld. I for one am too tired to venture out to the real world. Just fucking sick and tired of this shitty world who seem to have forgotten me anyway.

A decision is a good one when the heart and the mind are unanimous. I made a decision with my mind and now my heart is crying everyday. Everyday, I feel like turning back into a coward and crawl back appologising for my insolence. Past images just keep flashing over and over through my mind and I felt like shit more than ever. But in the end, there really is no point in doing that. Whats done has been done.

So why do I still feel like shit everytime I came home to my room and log onto this cyberworld trying to find an outlet for my frustration and loneliness?

I hate myself more than ever for being so weak.