Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006

I am moving out. Period.

My switch for the adaptor of my lappie was near my window. Every night I would sleep with the window open and last night was no different.

I finished surfing the internet and was preparing to go to bed. I walked towards to the switch to turn off the power. My sis was sleeping on the floor underneath the front of the window with her dog as usual. (For the life of me, I just cannot understand why on earth would she want to sleep on the floor with a dog. I really don't. I mean you can say that she loves her dog but sleeping with a dog?! Even my friends who are animal lovers find that a little ridiculous too.)

Anyway, I was walking towards the switch in the dark and tripped over my sister's leg. I fell forward and pressed on the window in front of me, except the window panes were pushed outwards. There were no grilles on the window. My left hand shot out and I fell forward further. It was a lucky thing my right hand found the metal side of the windows and stopped my fell.

Otherwise, I would have fell 14 levels down.

Mr patience is really running low on her. First, the birds who are always screeching every hours of the days, and now the dog. Its not as if bringing the dog into my room is enough, she has to sleep with it. As with all dogs, they have a stench. Its useless to brush their teeth or bathe them, they just have a distinct doggie stench. And my room is always filled with the stench every single morning cos we close the door when we sleep and the smell just got stuck in the room.

And then there is her problem of her sleeping on the floor with her dog. One of these days, I am really going to fall 14 levels down to my death if she continues doing that.

I really have it. This is my house too and yet I do not seem to have a say over how I can live inside. I admit I am not a big fan of birds and dogs, I prefer cats. But its the idea that I have to live everyday in an environment that I hate. My bedroom is filled with a doggie stench and I have to live with birds screeching every single day.

I am really going to live out on my own. I seriously have it with my sister and her crazy infatuations with animals. This is my home too, I want to live a life of my own. I want peace and quiet when I am home during the weekends without any birds screeching and a room without a doggie stench. I ain't animal, I am human and I want a place fit to live for humans.

I am moving out. Period.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

What kind of kiss do you have?

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.
Take this quiz!

Heh, I sure do hope that I kiss this well!


You know, sometimes being careful when you are dealing with a language that you know nuts about is a very wise thing to do, especially when you want to carve out a word on your body.

Someone should really tell this fellow what his tattoo means...

From 一知半解

Anyway, I found this while surfing around looking for tattoo designs. I finally found a place to tattoo. I want something that shall stretch from my upper back, over my shoulder and stop just above my left breast. Something like a large phoenix or some exotic abstract design. Something that is shocking and beautiful. Something like this.

Man, this shall cost me a bomb...... Anyone wants to sponsor my Christmas present??

Would you make a pact for it?

First question:

What is the thing that you desire most in the world? Something that you have always wanted and yet have never been able to get it. Something like luck, like power, like fame, like wealth? Or perhaps something intangible like being a great writer, a great musician, a great painter or a great philanthropist? It can also be in the form of someone whom you desire, the girl of your dreams, the girl who you have always wanted and yet have not been able to win her heart.

Second question:

What would you give for it? Would you give your soul for it? Would you make a pact with the devil to get it?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I am sick

You know something was not right when you woke up in the middle of the night with a dry and sore throat. Your body, limbs and torso hurt like hell and you were breaking out in cold sweat. You felt hot and cold at the same time. One moment, you were perspiring like mad and then the next you shivered with cold and gotta cover yourself with a thick blanket.

And when the morning broke, you felt like dying. Although it felt a lot better after a shower, you still had a bad throat and it felt so prickly.

Throughout the meeting, you were coughing and sniffing all the time. Then your throat felt so dry and salty. In the air con room, you shivered and when you got out, you were feeling so hot and warm that you were perspiring all the time. Back in the air con room, you felt really cold again. Even the toilet felt like a freezer.

Your body started to heat up and now you feel the onset of a headache. And your body is aching all over. Dinner tasted like shitty cardboard and your throat is starting to hurt real bad.

Now I am wondering if I can still go Sentosa tomorrow...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Where do I leave my Private Emotions tonight?

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray

And it shines on you, baby can't you see

You're the only one, who can shine for me

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us

As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it

Where ever it may lead

Let your private emotion come to me

When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street

Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us

As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it
Where ever it may lead

Let your private emotion come to me

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray

It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by

But you can find me here till your tears run dry

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it
Where ever it may lead

Let your private emotion come to me

Come to me

I just don't want to miss you tonight

Someone once told me that this is a very good breakup song, I wonder if this song applies to me at the moment as well.

2 interesting features about this song:
a) Title of the song is Iris and yet there is no mention of the name in the song
b) This song shares my name and yet I hate it and love it at the same time.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My most embarrassed fall ever.

I went to the gym earlier. I already said I am serious and determined about getting of Big Martha, she had already overstayed her welcome and I cannot wait to rid her off.

Anyway, the first thing I did was to cycle non stop for 20 minutes.

Then I hit the running track, immediately after my cycle. When I said immediately, I meant hopped-from-the-bicycle-to-the-running-track kinda immediate. The 2 machines were just beside each other.

After the 20 minutes of running, my legs were rather wobbly. I was trying hard to steady myself on the still moving track.

But my legs were too tired and too jellylike to support me and Big Martha.

I stopped.

The track did not stop.

The inevitable happened.

It was slip, fell and got thrown off the track. Me, Big Martha and all.

Before going on about my adventures, I would like to remind you sick readers here who by now must be laughing at my mishap that it was late evening and the peak hour for working people to hit the gym after their work. There were like 20 or 30 people in the small gym. With the ceiling to floor mirrors, every one can see every one.

All activities in the room ceased.

I stood up and walked slowly to the toilet like it was the most natural thing to get thrown off the running track.

All pairs of eyes seem to follow me on my way to the toilet.

I went past a muscular man with the largest pair of biceps that I ever seen and he wanted to help me to the toilet. I waved him off with a laugh and said I was alright.

My butt was hurting like hell.

Sometimes I really wonder in self-amazement on my clumsiness.

His awkward situation

I was with my big boss at the Motor Show on last Thursday and we were strolling along, having a great visual feast on the cars and the girls. There weren't many people there yet cos the show had not officially started.

Suddenly, the boss remarked with a seemingly non-approving tone, "Look at that girl, so young already got tattoo." I looked and there it was, rather large and at the girl's smaller back.

I was a little put off by his tone, so I said, "Erm, whats wrong with having a tattoo, I also have one."

He was a little taken back and went, "Oh really! You too!"

After that, nothing much interesting happened, other than him teasing me whenever he could about my tattoo. The point is, I think I kinda put him in an awkward position with his remark.

Last night, during a drinking session with 1 of our customers, he was teasing my boss about how pretty young female graduates would not want to work under him.

And so I said," Hmm, I felt insulted."

He went, "Oh no! I wasn't referring to the current girls working under him! I was talking about the freshies!" And then he toasted me as a form of apology of sorts.

It only struck me earlier that I kinda put my boss in an awkward situation twice.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Me go girl!

You know something, I think I have had it of being sad and moody and angry all the time. Bloody hell, I have really had it man! I mean, the more I read my blog, the foolish-er I feel! My gawd, I am like wallowing in my own self-pity shit all the time!

My new year resolution for the new year shall be as followed:

1) Relax, be happy and take it easy
2) Get a driving license
3) Get over my past
4) Focus on my career
5) Get a credit card!

You go girl!

Or perhaps I should say, me go girl!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Being alone

Being alone in a room, in the house to be exact just isn't exactly a normal way to spend one's weekend. The only things I have for companion is my laptop, my walls, my headphone and the Internet.

I would really love to have some human interactions, a chat, a talk, a hug. Just some form of indications that I am wanted, that I am loved, that I am needed.

I think I am so dull inside that I don feel anything, nothing at all, no tears, no feelings, just a dull acceptance of what was to come. I don even feel anger at all and neither do I even feel pain now. I guess this is perhaps the worst form of pain? Just as well.

On second thoughts, I think I rather prefer to live alone in my room. I am too tired of human relationships. In fact, I am too tired for anything else. No one bothers about me anyway.

Its funny but being sad actually makes me alive and makes my literary juices flow. So ironic. So pathetic.


怎麽了 为什麽

有点乱 有点慌



爱 我却不能给你我全部


Journey to nowhere (2)

Some views on my way to my gym workout yesterday.

The first one is actually of a tiny little lizard or chameleon who was suntanning itself on a piece of concrete. Try and see if you can notice the happy little bugger..

The Heart Attack Burger!

Would any of you dare the try this mother of all burgers!?

Its called the Triple Bypass Burger - you are gonna need a triple heart bypass after you try it!

In case you are wondering, its calories hits 8000..!!!

From the Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona

Apparently they have antagonized some real nurses due to the notti nurse-wears that the waitresses wear.

Singapore Motor Show 2006

And this is my most favorite picture of all..

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My bus journey

I once read a story about a girl and a bus that she was taking. Its a journey with a very, very long duration, one that will last her an entire lifetime.

I was reminded of this story when I recalled my own bus journey.

I was very young when I got onto the bus. I was very scared cos I was very alone. There was no one to guide me what I should do or how I should react on the journey.

Then the bus made a stop. Another girl came up the bus. She was my age and she looked really pretty. She came and sat beside me. We began to chat. And chat and chat. We promised each other that we will always remain as best friends. Sometimes we would get into arguments and sometimes we would get into cold wars but ultimately we would always end up being alright in the end. We were the bestest of friends.

And then her stop came. She waved her goodbyes and skipped down the steps. And she was gone like that. She did turn her head back to give me a last look before running off but after that she never looked back. I was sad. My best friend had already forgotten me. But I moved on, and continued my bus journey.

I was alone for a while, in my thoughts, having learned a new lesson in life.

The bus made another stop again. This time a young boy came in the bus. He saw me and smile at me. I was struck at once by his goofy grin. He was tall, much taller than me and had very broad and muscular shoulders. He came over and sat beside me. We talked and talked and never seemed to run out of topic to talk. Soon he began to hold my hands and hug me. I love the way he smelled and the way he talked. And the way he kissed. It was so sweet. I thought this time it will definitely be different from my best friend. I thought this young man would sit beside me permanently.

Alas, after a while, his hug was more and more distant, his kisses no longer as sweet, his conversation less warm. I no longer find him as warm as before. After a while I find his presence irksome and began to hope that he would get off his seat and get off the bus. I got what I wished and this young man arrived at his stop and he hopped down the bus, leaving his lingering scent on his seat, and went on his journey, never even giving me a second glance.

I picked up yet another lesson in life.

Suddenly, the bus came to another stop. This time however there were a large group of people, all of them about my age. They were very loud and cheerful. I like the way they talked and the way they played. They saw me and waved at me, coming over to my seat. They crowd around me and talked to me. I enjoyed their presence a lot. I know these are the people who will never let me down and whom I can count on forever if I were to need their help.

But this group of people also had their own journey to proceed. One by one they arrived at their stops and got off the bus. They left their contacts with me, making me promise to call them should I need any help. I smiled sadly and nodded. Their presence left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I was alone once more.

And then the bus stopped again. This time a man came up the bus. I saw him and liked the way he walked so I waved him over, asking him to come over and sit with me. He smiled and came over. We talked, we chatted, we touched, we kissed and we hugged. We never ran out of topics to talk and we help each other with our problems. However, there were always the incessant arguments that we always seem to get into. It was after a while when the man said he could not tolerate me anymore and he stomped off the bus. I was left alone wondering what exactly had happened.

For a while I just stared out of the window, looking for the man, hoping that he would look back and explained to me what went on but it was not meant to be. He never looked back.

I was left alone again.

Suddenly, the bus opened its doors and the same man came in and sat beside me. I was amazed at his return. We were at our happiest again, talking and chatting again. This time we were more tolerant of each other though. But as before, we continued to quarrel and before long, the man stomped off the bus again. This time however, I was already prepared, though funnily enough, I still felt an aching inside. It seemed like however much preparation, there would always be a kind of dull ache whenever you are left alone.

And so I was once again left alone. On my bus journey, on an empty bus, wondering who will be coming up my bus. Another young girl or a young boy or a group of cheerful people or the man who made me angry and yet happy all the time?

Perhaps it would be better if I were left alone.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Its so painful, why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to be made to go through this again?

Why do you have to do this to me? What did I do wrong?

How do I get rid of the pain? Its so suffocating, please someone tell me.

It ended

The first time it happened, I was left with a daze, amazed that it happened so fast. I never really comprehend what exactly happened that can make someone so close to me so angry with me.

Then he came back. It was a weird return. I never thought he would return to my life again. It was with a much heavy heart that I accepted it cos I already know what was going to be the consequences. And yet I accepted it.

The second time it happened, I was left with a heavy heart, a very heavy heart. I guess I have already been preparing for it to happened.

And now I am left with a very empty feeling again. I felt like a puppet sometimes, always being manipulated.

Its at times like these that I really hated myself for being so weak.

The Crime Library

I took leave today, to clear my mind as well as to take a break. I wasn't feeling quite well for the past couple of weeks, emotionally as well as physically. Perhaps its due to the hormone pills that I was taking. I think I lost some weight too, don know for sure cos I never weigh myself but my pants are definitely looser. Thats perhaps the only good thing that comes out of it since I started on the pill.

So now here I am, on a humid afternoon surfing on my laptop since the morning. My mobile was silent, thankfully, cos I am not dealing with operations anymore. Thank God for that..

I went through tons of sites, interesting ones and boring ones, read through dozens of blogs about the lives of people, some really interesting and some really mundane.

I think the one site which affected me the most is the Crime Library. It showcase the hideous nature of human, the stuff that mothers tell to their kids to scare them shitless when they are naughty and the stuff that most people would rather not talk about it just to appear normal.

Spent a large portion of the afternoon reading through the pages of the crimes that appear during history. Its scary how humans are actually capable of such sadistic acts. On the upside however, its also amazing how the law enforcers are able to deal with what they do, how they actually are able to still be normal when faced with evil. Its like reading CSI, Law & Order or NYPD, the reality version.

Ok, back to more sadistic activities of our society.

Which would you choose?

The best kind of love is one which sets you free, one which allows you to breathe.

The worse kind of hate is one which does not affect you anymore, one which is so strong that in the end, you don even feel anything anymore.

The worse kind of betrayal is one which you move on without word.

The worse kind of feeling is when you are feeling the worse kind of hatred, towards yourself.

Which would you choose?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Orochi

T'was the first time we imported such a funny looking car. Everyone in the yard was having fun and driving it around. The car was rather fragile and was not meant to be driven. Its a prototype meant for the Motor Show 2006. Apparently, I was told that there will be 5 race queens show casing the car.

Look nice, feels cool but not a powerful car though. Believe it or not, its only a V6 and the engine is from Toyota.

It looked like this when it just came out from the container.

Beside the Orochi, there were 2 other models. All looking like cars out of some 60s movies.

I love the black one best. Sure head-turner if you drive it out.. And the interior is so comfortable that you can just live in it.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Simple things

Perhaps I should try to separate myself from my emotions. I am getting too emotional these days, perhaps its my hormones working up, or perhaps its just cos i have too much on my mind, my work, my personal life. Everything seem to be a big chunk of mess. How the hell did I ever let myself get into this situation?

Sometimes I just think I have became 2 very different person, one; the quiet and simple one, doing what was expected of me all the time and the other; a very demanding and bitchy girl who expect others perform according to her childish wants.

Sometimes I think I am not ready to grow up at all. Sometimes I feel that I am just a little girl stuck in this woman's body. And it feels suffocating, the responsibilities are too heavy, the environment is just too chaotic and the people are just too complicated. Everyone seem to have their own agenda.

Why couldn't things just be as simple as possible?