What would you wish for if you are given a wish? A simple wish that you can have anything you want?
I have been asking myself this question a lot for the past few weeks and the answer just struck me this evening. I want to be free of emotions and feelings. Not the physical feeling of pain though, cos physical pain is a form of defense mechanism and is critical to survival but thats another story.
All of us went through lots of emotions everyday. I felt happiness, anger and especially sadness every single day and I am really tired of all these. Man are so easily swayed by emotions that we sometimes get into trouble cos of our emotions.
My boss pissed me so much today and then someone told me that he received his birthday present from his ex-girlfriend which reminded of my own hurt. At least his ex-girlfriend remembered him and sent her wishes on his birthday whereas the guy I was with, although was not my boyfriend, hated me so much that he don even want to have anything to do with me. Its not so much about the fact that he was not my boyfriend or anything like that but more of the fact that the guy you have feelings for actually hate you so much that he don even feel like talking to you ever again. No one should ever have to go through this type of emotional roller coaster ride of frustration and pain at the same time. Its so suffocating.
Then again, if one has no emotions, then happiness will never be within one's reach too. Because all emotions are inter-related. To be able to feel happy, you need to have a kind of emtional benchmark to measure happiness. And the benchmark for measuring or quantifying happiness would of course be sadness. So without sadness or pain, there would not happiness. Logically, all man want to strive for happiness, including me. But at the end of the day, having to bear with sadness is too painful for me to want to enjoy happiness. I would rather not feel any emotional pain than to enjoy happiness. I believe happiness is something that I can forfeit so that I will not feel emotional pain. The former is not enough to justify the latter is what I am saying.
So I have come to the single conclusion that I would wish for me to not be able to feel emotions if I were given a wish than be able to enjoy happiness and suffer emotional pain. At least I will be able to use more of my brain to make decisions instead of suffering conflicts in between my brain and my heart. Like I said, a decision is a good one if the brain and the heart are unanimous. Taking away one side of the conflict would result in better and mostly likely productive decisions.
Results will then justify the consequences and thats all it matters. Doesn't it?