Monday, February 26, 2007

I wanna be with you forever

Just some time back I mentioned about how I find the act of 2 people entwined together during sex so erotic.

I am going to talk more about this in detail today.

Imagine kissing someone you love, deeply in the mouth, your hands caressing his neck while your other hand is wrapped gently round his head. As you get carried away with his soft lips, and his gentle touch, you get so intoxicated with his scent, his movements and his kiss..

His hands started to explore your body while you are so carried away that you have no idea that you have already begin to explore his body as well. The 2 of you are soon entwined together, moving together, drunk in each other's scents, touches and caresses, enjoying the simple sensation of just being together..

The reason why I find the sight of a man and woman entwined together, naked, so erotic has nothing to do with sex or anything sexual. Its just the fact that the sight is just so, well, warm. Maybe its just me but for 2 persons to really get wrapped so tightly around each other, something magical must have existed in the first place.

Note again I am not talking about sex, just the sight of 2 lovers hugging and lying together, wrapped around each other.

Maybe I am a naive girl but I think most of us need lots of such magic, we tend to take these magic for granted..

So now, perhaps its time you let the person you love know that you love him or her?

If it were up to me, I really would like to let the person I love to know that, to let him know that...

What is the justification of our life journey?

I was chatting with David the other day.

For those of you readers who keep up with me and my boring life in my little blog here, David is one of the Chinese workers in my company. He has been working there for a long long time already, probably like about 5 years already. He is a Chinese, from the Fujian province in China. He is 33 years old, but looked like 40 years old. Thats the result of constant exposure under the sun, living in an empty warehouse in our storage yard (though he now lives in a proper house) and having turned to drinking and smoking to drown out his sorrows. He is a really simple man , happier now but was really a miserable man when I first saw him.

Me and him, though from different background, hit off rather well. I even spent a whole night talking to him, about his life, his family, his history etc. Probably cos he finds me approachable?

Anyway, I was just chatting with him the other day. Its funny that he asked me the exact question that I have always been asking myself every day, every single day.

"What is the sole purpose of our lives?"

I was a little stumped. Besides the fact that my Mandarin was very limited and I do not really express myself well verbally, I really do not have an answer to his question.

So I replied, "You tell me?"

He answered, "Don't know. I just do not know why we have to live our lives like this."

I said, "Me neither. I do not know why do I work everyday, why I carried out my life everyday, eating, drinking and more working."

I followed up with ,"If you noticed, all we humans ever do is to sustain this body of ours. We work, eat, drink, smoke so that we can live longer and be happy."

"Not happy, sad, cos we are killing ourselves, slowly." David replied, to my comment that we humans try to be happy through smoking and drinking, perhaps with reference to himself.

"And then you still smoke and drink?!" I exclaimed.

And after that we started to banter with each other, making fun of each other and continued with our chats.

Thing is, he made me think about the irritating question that I always have in my little head. What the hell is our purpose in life? Why do we work so hard, earn so hard, play so hard, cry so hard, strive so hard, worry so much, love so deep, hate so much and yet ultimately in the end, we are still gonna die? What is the point of doing all that we are doing now then? Why do we strive so hard and yet only can enjoy a brief moment of happiness, love, sadness, excitement, accomplishment, hatred?

If the end does not justify the journey, then why do we go through the journey?

Can anyone tell me that?

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Games dislike me.

I was chatting to a friend earlier, over PS3, and the conversation led to me telling him that I am getting a game for him, Superman Returns (Thanks Paddy!).

And then I heard from him that the reviews for this game apparently wasn't really good. Oh well..

Anyway, thats not what I wanted to say here.

We were talking about games and he gave me a link to Games Trailers and thats when I saw God of War.

And thats when he told me this, "I am still stuck at the revolving blades."

The last time I saw him played that game was what, about 3 months back? At that time, he was stuck at some revolving blades. The part was tough. He had to get his character to run across a huge log, with blades sticking out from the it. Missing a step would mean dropping down into a bottomless pit of fire.

I replied, "Huh? So long?" Then I proceeded to laugh at him.

Needless to say, he was rather unhappy to be laughed at. "U? You don even play games!"

Ok, I am pathetic, I admit it. I cannot and I mean CANNOT play games. I freaked every time I come across a difficult game. I still remember when I was younger, my sis and bro and my mum (yes, my mum love to play games on the Nintendo set) would fight over each other to play Super Mario on the Nintendo set. Me? I would just grab my pillow and sit there quietly watching them play. It did not matter who was playing, the important thing was someone was playing on the game and I would just sat there watching them play.

There were times when they offered me to play on the set, seeing that I was the only one missing out on all the fun and actions. I tried, I did. And freaked me out. I would get so excited and so nervous about my character dying that I literally jumped when my character got killed! My sis, the expert in games had to "save" me a lot of times by snatching the controllers from me and continue the game on my behalf.

Needless to say, she enjoyed it. A lot.

Even now when I am all grown up, I still cannot ever seem to play games. The games now are so much more sophisticated, the graphics so gorgeous and the technology so advance. I especially like watching games trailers. You know before the game starts, there would be this short portion of scene re-enacting out the plot of the games, like a mini animation by itself. I think I love watching these trailers more than the playing the games itself.

And I like watching people play more than playing the games itself.

Weird right? I think my poor heart just cannot take the thrill of playing games. Too scary man.. Imagine being hacked up by strange bioorganic monsters after being chased by some robotic-organic creatures in a broken down space station. I rather watch someone else play and watch someone else' characters getting killed by the monster.

So, there you go, now you know what a lousy pathetic girl I am. I suck at computer, console or Lan games. Basically, I just suck at games. I am better off watching people play, its more interesting that way.

That said, I would love to watch someone play F.E.A.R. Been trying to locate the trailer for this game but just cannot seem to find it.

Anyone kind souls here to help me? Thanks!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Watching a Serial Killer

I just fell in love with a new show.

Dexter, a vigilante serial killer who only kills other serial killers. He and his brother witnessed a serial killer chopping their mother into pieces when they were very young. The cop who was at the scene took him in and discovered his, shall we say, special needs. He taught him how to control his urge, how to blend in with the normal people, how to track his victims, cover his tracks and most of all, never to kill innocent people.

Its a very traumatizing, to say the least about the show.

Its interesting as hell and I am hooked on it.

There was one thing that caught my attention the most about the show. It was a sex scene between Dexter and his girlfriend. Well, actually there was another scene that caught my attention too. It was another sex scene between Dexter's sister and her boyfriend.

The thing about sex scenes are that they are, well, interesting. Two people's body entwined together, pushing against each other, riding on top of each other and sweating everything out.

The whole scene was just so erotic. Body parts were not exactly shown. Of course, you have a glimpse here and there, of thighs, shoulders, necks, backs etc. But not everything. Sensitive parts were not shown. That makes it even more erotic, in my opinion.

And also makes it more, shall we say, full of love?

Two bodies joined to a single heartbeat.

I wish I can enjoy such moments as well.

I think I am getting a little horny here..

Dexter Season 1 Episode 5

Freedom is another word of getting fucked.

After a blowjob, she expects me to take it to another level.

The inability to feel has it advantages, sometimes.

Alone, no pretending, no hiding, no time to relax.

Don't go down on that emotional road, just go down on her, its easier that way.

Father: Dexter, women are different from men. They have a whole different experience of things, when they are with someone physically, they feel connected. And they know when you are not, they can sense it because you are very exposed.
Dexter: Yea, cos you are naked.

Somehow I find it reassuring that I am not the only one pretending to be normal.

I hate this, questioning every moves. Maybe I should just break it off.

Alone might be better off. Relationships are too confusing.

Dexter: How did you love each other.
Victims: We share the same dreams.

I want a normal life. Average, ordinary.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I been Blogged!

Through DK, I found out from sgblogs that I am ranked 294 in Singapore Bloggers! Not bad, not bad eh..! heh

Thing is, why on earth do they have to use the most recent picture on my blog har?? Now everyone would see me as a series of CNY wishes...! Sheesh!

My current shopping list

Singapore is so boring, everywhere you go, you see the same kind of people and the same kind of malls. From downtown up to the heartlands, the malls are of the same kind and the range of stuff that they offered are also of the same kind! So boring!

I had been shopping for the past few days looking for places to spend my bonus but somehow, I think its better to save up my money.. I was looking for 1)a proper pair of working shoes, 2)a tote bag, 3)a pair of bra, 4) a watch and 5)some working clothes. The only thing that I managed to find was the tote bag, which I finally got from John Little this evening. The rest? Still in progress of locating..

1) Working shoes. I have tried my favorite store, Charles & Keith, but could not managed to find one comfortable and good looking one. Guess its tough for the 2 criteria to come together when one is talking about ladies shoes. Comfortable? Get a pair of old maid's shoes, those black PVC kind which only old maids would wear. Since I am not ready to label myself as an old maid yet, so no matter how comfy it is, I will never buy such shoes! Good looking ones? They come with heels that kill and I rather not take the chance in killing my spine slowly.

2) Tote bag. After walking around Orchard, Marina before and over the CNY holidays, I finally managed to find the right one at Jurong Point, of all places. I should have save my time and just head to some nearby shopping malls instead of going downtown and wasting my time! The cute little bag was hanging there while I was shopping around looking for the first and third items on my list. So happy that I finally got it!

3) A pair of bra. Ok, this is one item which I will not hesitate to spend. Its my breasts for goodness sake! I need a proper piece of support equipment for them manz..! Still looking in progress.... Anyone interested to go with me to shop for this item? :D

4) A watch. Been looking for a nice pair of watch since eons and I have yet to find one which fits my budget and my criteria and also my image, as per what a friend said. Watches are supposed to carry your image. Actually I found one, its called Criteria from Seiko but this little piece of time telling device is expensive man.. Going to set me back by a few hundred bucks! I shall see if I can get a cheaper alternatives this weekend, otherwise I might just go ahead and get Ms Criteria.

5) Working clothes. Its either too auntie looking or too long or too tight or too expensive. And I always feel very disgusted with my body when buying clothings. So sad.. I need more exercise...

There you go, my shopping list for the next couple of months. I am going to be so broke man....

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A morning visitor

Mum was talking to me in my room this morning when she noticed something moving at the corner of her eye.

She turned and screamed. I looked up at the ceiling and saw a huge praying mantis. It was about 10 inch long, very beautiful, long, light green and very alert. With every movements, her (I knew its a female cos male praying mantis are tiny, super tiny) head would move in the directions of the movements. Her famous praying pair of limbs which gave her the cool name was crouched in front of her.

Take a look at her here.

Dad came into the room and attempted to catch her, but she was quick, scurrying away at any movements caused by us. In the end, we had to use a transparent plastic bag to contain her before letting her go.

Thinking back, I now realized what was the likely cause of the tapping sounds in my room. For the past couple of days, there were these soft tapping sounds beside my bed and near the windows. Every time I moved closer to the sound, it would stop and then pick up again when I move away. Now I wonder if this little girl could have been the cause of the tapping sounds I heard in the middle of the night whenever I was alone in the room.

Nevertheless, a very nice morning visit from such a beautiful creature.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Letters from Iwo Jima

There is a colorless sense of drag when one watches war movies. Along with it brought thoughts of how worthless wars are and why would humans want to exterminate each other, all in the name of honor, pride and brotherhood, when they do not even know the significance of the war itself.

I watched "Letters from Iwo Jima" last night. And as usual, I was very affected by war movies. In fact, the more I read about the battle on the tiny island of Iwo Jima, the heavier the colorless sense of drag became. Such a huge loss of lives, so many people died. Husband, brothers, fathers, sons, all of the men there were part of someone else.

The Americans had to capture the island as a base and they were sparing no efforts to take over Iwo Jima. The Japanese knew this and they also were sparing no efforts either to defend their mother soil, no matter that the soil were just dark volcanic sand and the tiny island was and is to date, a bare piece of land with Mt Suribachi on it. Instead of fortifying their defenses above ground, the Japanese dug deep into the island and made a very excellent defense from below, a genius tactic came up by the admirable General Tadamichi Kuribayashi.

There was just one catch. The 22,000 Japanese soldiers were told that they were on their own, there would be no reinforcements from their headquarters. The war was already coming to an end and Tokyo already had her hands full. They were told to fight till the end, to their deaths.

For the Americans, they basically found concrete with flesh. From the first time they landed on the beach, they could not see their enemy, who were fortified underground. They literally threw their brothers against the onslaught of mortars, bullets and assault that came from within the mountains. It was also during this battle that the famous scene of raising the American flag was captured.

Approximately 28,000 men lost their lives during this battle, from both sides.

Through 2 films, Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima , Clint Eastwood attempted to capture the thoughts, emotions and feelings of fighting on Iwo Jima from the sides of the Japanese and the Americans. I did not manage to catch the first film, which was a real pity but the latter film is excellent. Not just from the fact that this was one of the very few shows which portrayed Americans' enemies in a good light (we know how Americans like to cast Japanese, Germans, Russians as villains in most of their films) but also cos of the fact that it shows how ultimately, all the soldiers who fought were just basically normal men, with their families and they were no different from each other.

I love the show for the in-your-face kind of reality shocks that are being thrown to the audience. I have always thought that the Japanese were monsters during the WWII and for the first time, I realized that most of the soldiers who fought during the war also had no choice.

It made me realize that we are humans cos we are so much more, I may be a simple girl but I definitely know the meaning of fighting for your country.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Valentine's Day at Chinatown

Some pictures that I took during Valentine's Day while shopping along Chinatown market for CNY goodies..

A really refreshing way to celebrate Valentine's day though..!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Friday, February 16, 2007

Where is my house?

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And is it happens
It happens here in this house

And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home
And there's someone
Calling on the telephone
Let's stay home
It's cold outside
And I have so much
To confide to you

With or without words
I'll confide everything

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And as it happens
It happens here in this house

So we stay at home
And I'm by your side
And you know
What's going on inside
Inside my heart
Inside this house
And I just want to
Let it out for you

And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home
And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And as it happens
It happens here in this house

Lessons I learnt at work

Ever since I started working, I have since learned quite a number of lessons on humans and not a lot of them are good. It certainly open my eyes to the how humans treat each other.

First lesson
All humans are selfish. Ultimately, each to his own. No one will help you if there are no benefits to them from helping. And when it comes to crunch time, its either you attack or you die.

Second lesson
Always cover your asses. Never, never and I mean never expose your ass to persecution cos an exposed ass is always the first one to get shot at and you've gotta admit, a pretty white ass is a very nice target to shoot at.

Third lesson
Never trust anyone. At all. Period.

Forth lesson
Learn how to push. Push duties, push responsibilities, push blames. Whatever that can be pushed, push them away.

Fifth lesson
Money talks, a lot. And so does the way you look. It does not matter that you are not rich, as long as you are dressed rich, people will see you in a better light.

Sixth lesson
Be confident. No matter if you are confused or if you do not know what is happening, remain calm and act like you know a lot of things. Of course, try not to open your mouth and sprout some nonsense if you have no idea what is the subject being talked about otherwise you will end up looking like a confident moron.

Seventh lesson
Did I say never trust anyone? Not even your friends.

Eighth lesson
Always know how to talk. And talk well. Your speech accounts for a large part of your first impression to others. No one wants to talk to an empty headed person who stutters.

Ninth lesson
Charm and charisma are a huge part of popularity. And popularity gets people to listen to you and helps you to get things done

Last lesson
Always call in favors. They are the best way to motivate people to help you.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Please can I have my peace and quiet?

My bus came and I boarded it. There weren't many seats around and I ended up sitting with a dark skinned uncle. In front of us were 2 young punks and then beside them on the seat at the other aisle was this skinny, fair little boy.

Call me biased or called me superficial but I did not have a good initial impression of them. First of all, the 2 young punks (now you know why I labelled them punks) were sprouting a super tall pointy Dragonballz kind of hairstyle. T'was not just the hair that I did not have a good impression on, it was also their fashion style. Call me old fashion or call me a prud but I think wearing a coat in the hot and humid weather of Singapore is just a dumb idea. And wearing an overload of accessories was also a tad too attention grabbing. Then again, that might just be the whole idea behind their looks.

Well, actually I wasn't really going to complain about the 2 young punks in front of me but rather their skinny friend on their left, sitting alone on the other aisle of the bus. He was real skinny actually and fair. He was probably just about 13 years old, perhaps 14 years old max. This young prick was really inconsiderate. He was slouched on the seat and did not think to let others shared the seat since he was occupying the space of 2 persons at the same time, as skinny as he was. His dress sense was a little better than the 2 dumbos sitting on his right. He was in a pair of frail looking jeans and an oversized T-Shirt.

The thing that irked me the most during my journey was the constant invasion of my ear drums cos the little skinny prick was playing his current favorite song on his mobile phone, without any ear piece to block out the song to other passengers who just wanted to ride their journey in peace and quiet. And it wasn't any quiet soothing kind of song either but rather a loud and "bong bong bong" kind of song.

So, I had to endure his silly song for the whole journey.

Actually, I have noticed this recent phenomenon, young kids playing songs on their mobiles without any ear piece, regardless of whether they are disturbing the peace and quietness of the night. They kinda conveniently forgot that different people have different tastes in music and one man's food is another man's poison, disturbing people like me, who would sit back and pray that either we get off the bus soon or we just tell them off.

I was in a chicken mood last night, so did not have the balls to tell that prick off. Then again, I am a girl and they were 3 of them together, I certainly did not want to get into trouble...

Have the youths of our society been so degenerated and so turned off to the plight of others that they will just do anything they wanted, regardless of how their actions are negatively affecting the people around them? What is happening to our society? Is this the future of our generations and the next few generations to come? Whose failings are these then? The parents or the guardians or the mentors? Or should we just blame on the kids themselves, after all, you made your own choice, you choose your own life routes?

Or perhaps we can just conveniently blame on the government again?


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Monday, February 12, 2007

The reason why I am staying

For a while I wanted to move out and live on my own, my parents being the main reason why I was contemplating such a drastic action. I mean, I love my house, its big and spacious and all my things are here with me, my favorite pillow, my bolster, my clothes, my bags, basically my stuff. But sometimes my parents just drive me nuts. They are just too protective of me, to the point that they are getting too sticky.

And you ask me why ain't I looking for places to live, instead of just sitting there, not flipping newspaper desperately, asking around or calling agents to look for available rooms to rent?

Its cos I love my parents too much.

Constance was the person that made me realize that.

I was asking her if she would like to be my roommate, having heard her mention that she would like to move out one day and live her life alone. I was actually expecting her to agree to be my roommate on the spot when I popped the question to her but I got the most unexpected answer from her.

"Don you want to spend more time with your parents? They are old already, how many years do you think you have left with them?"

That remark just struck me, like a snap of finger. My parents are really getting on in years. Five years back, my father would have never complain about cold. In fact he used to shower with cold water and he always used to go shirtless at home. Now, he only showers in warm water, sleep with the blanket and would ask us why is the weather so cold. My mum, she cannot walk properly now cos her joints hurt all the time, I am always hearing her complaints.

My bro has already moved out with his girlfriend. My sis is always not at home. If I were to move out, they would be all alone. No doubt they still have each other but to them it will just be like being abandoned, by their children. I really hate for them to feel that way.

I count my blessings everyday that my parents are still around, still so lovey-dovey to the point of being mushy, still healthy and alive. I cannot imagine the day when my parents pass on, I think a part of me would die totally. I just love them so much.

Its ironic that the reason why I want to live on my own is also the reason why I cannot bear to shift out.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

May he rest in peace

Just this week, my colleague whose boyfriend just lost his right arm to a motorbike accident told me that one of her friends lost his life in an accident while riding a bike.

He was only 23 years old. Life was just beginning to get interesting for him and he will never be able to experience it anymore.

He and another friend was riding separately on their bikes. They were going straight towards a bend when huge truck on their right was turning into the lane. The truck was carrying huge metal plates and it should have let these 2 friends passed, then turned into the lane.

It did not follow traffic rules and instead turn into their lane without giving the 2 bikers a second thought.

The first rider in the front sped past the truck.

The second rider did not.

It crashed directly into the path of the truck and into it directly.

My colleague told me that he died instantly on the spot. When she went to the accident site, she saw a mess. Blood, brain matters and 3 quarter of the rider's face was gone.

The mortician was not able to mend back the face and all that could be done was use lots of bandages to put the pieces of what was left of the face back together.

When the parents of their kid through the window of the coffin, they collapsed on the spot.

A waste of life, cos of a man's foolishness, a moment of folly.

He was only 23 years old when his life was snipped out, never going to have a chance to experience the challenges of life already. May he rest in peace.

All you drivers out there, please do take extra care when driving. Value lives, not time while you are on the road.

Why do all good things come to an end?

"Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die"

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

"Its painful to let someone go"

"Its so painful to let someone go."

That was the line that I heard from a serial drama that I was watching.

Indeed, its painful to let someone go, even more unbearable than a heartbreak. Letting go means you have given up and giving up implies disappointments and failure. Its to the point when you do not even have the energy to master the courage to face the reality, that there will only be failures and more failures, past or present or future.

Thats when you decided that enough is enough, its time to let go. And it certainly hurts to let go of what you desire, or rather who you desire, than to keep holding to a hope, as much tiny as the hope is.

Its the thought that you will never be able to see the person whom you desire again that magnifies the pain even more.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

What would you like to do on a Sunday?

A brand new Sunday, what would you be doing?

As I looked out of my bedroom window, breathed in the sweet morning air, I wonder what is there for me to do?

I want to go out to do some shoppings, I want to got for a jog, I want to do my dirty laundries, I want to clear my table...

There are so many things that I would like to do but there is just no energy for me to carry out these little mundane projects of mine to completion.

In the end, I choose to lie on the bed, stare at my ceiling and wonder what the hell am I doing with my life.

Is my life just filled with only petty chores and my work?

So, what would you like to do on a Sunday?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

What is wrong with me?

I feel empty.

Its been a while since I have been getting this feeling. Its like I have been feeling this way ever since I started in the working world.

For a while, the emptiness was stalled, it went right to where it came from, wherever that was. I was distracted by someone and it made my life more bearable.

But then the emptiness is back, it seem to be back with a vengeance actually. I feel dull, dead and emotionless. There is basically nothing there. Nothing gets me happy, nothing gets me excited. The world is like a grey dimension, with no colors. I do not find any meanings in what I do, I do not feel excited by anything, don feel sad or unhappy even. I just feel a throbbing dull ache, an ache for something to happen in my life. I lost my drive to do anything, not even to work. Sometimes I even feel like letting go, let go of whatever I control and to drift away.

What is wrong with me?