Saturday, July 23, 2005

Emotions in writing

I just discovered something new about me today and it kind of threw me off track.

I need to be in a very depressed mood or in a very frustrated mood for me to be able to write smoothly and my writing juice to flow.

For the past couple of weeks, my emotions took a very sharp nosedive and I was feeling like shit all the time. As a result of that I was writing in my blog everyday. In fact some of the entries, I was actually writing with tears flowing. I was feeling terrible and suffocated. There was a point when I was so numb that I have no idea what to do. The typical routine that I had was wake up, work, lunch, return home, blog, sleep. Then the whole routine would just repeat itself again and again and again. I had no one to talk to with everyone around me busy with their own life and I had no wish to disrupt their routine just for me. I am too proud to do that. The only avenue that I can have would be to write, keep writing and throwing all my suffocation in this blog. Sometimes I would just be letting my thoughts flow and just write. Other times, I would just be sitting in front of my iBook, staring at the screen blankly, trying to start to write but have no idea on where to start. In moments like this, I get even more frustrated. Its like you know you have a lot of things to say but have no idea how to put it across and how to get it out of your system. Or to put it bluntly, its like you are going to have an orgasm but something came along and disrupt you.

Then there were times when I was just letting my thoughts flowing and then for no reason I just got stuck and ran out of things to write. Just blank out for no reason. And then I would delete the whole post and start again.

Like now. Damn it.

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