Monday, May 30, 2005


If I could, I would not want to make any choices. Choices that affect the people around me and their expectations of me. Yet, everyday, I am bound by the choices that I have to make , having no control over whether I can choose not to make them.

If I could, I would go wherever I want and do whatever I want, be as free as I can, free of problems, worries and having to make choices. Free of being asked to choose and decide. Free from having to face the consequences of my choices.

If I could, I would want to turn back time, to be able to review all the choices that I have made, to examine all my past mistakes and rashful decisions and alter them so that I would not be forced to face the consequences in the present. Back to the point when I just came out of my mother's womb and until this present age. Butterfly Effect.

If I could, I would want to run away, from these all, to run away from the present life and run away to some place where no one would recognize me or know me. To run away from all judgements or expectations, to run away from choices and consequences and most of all, to run away from the people and loneliness that I am forced to faced. Run away with my heart, run away with my hopes and run away with my freedom.

Sunday, May 29, 2005


I think my eyes probably looked like this during the operation!


Saturday, May 28, 2005

Traumatizing affair!

Just came back from my lasik and I am seeing without the help of glasses again! Finally after 14 years of seeing things through lens, (I started wearing glasses since I was 9 years old) I am now able to see again! Its very amazing when you are able to see things independently without the help of glasses..! However the whole affair was very traumatizing and scary for me.. Why? Read further....

Firstly, my appointment was at 4pm but I had to wait until 5.30pm to be called into the operating room. It really got on my nerves cos I want to get over the affair as soon as possible!

Next, after I changed and was waiting in the operating room, my eyes were cleaned throughly by a nurse. She did it so throughly that the cotton pad actually went into contact with my eyeball! And my eyes were tearing like mad after that, especially after she dripped some kind of solution into my eyeballs.. Then into the operating room I went..

The procedure on the right eye was smooth and went well. But I was very tensed up.. You would be if your eyes were tearing like mad and yet they were being forced open and bright lights were shone directly onto it! Its not only that.. I realized after the operation that the nurses were supposed to give me a sedative pill to calm me down so that I wouldn't feel so nervous and tense and they actually forgot about it!! So I was squirming and my fingers were clutched so tightly together that the doctor had to calm me down and held my chin so that my head would not move!

Then, after the procedure on my right eye, I was asked to wait at the recovery room while the laser technician or the doctor recalibrate the laser for my left eye. I was trembling in the waiting room for the turn on my left eye and I think I freaked out a lady waiting there for her turn!

Anyway, after the recalibration, I was asked to go in again and I lied onto the operating bed. The doctor then forced open my left eye and bright light was shone onto my left eye this time. Everything was proceeding on schedule but as soon as the microkerotame started to cut the flap of my cornea on my left eye, I knew something was wrong cos I felt pain! I wasn't supposed to feel anything except for the pressure on my eyeball! Then I realized that its either cos the anesthesia dripped onto my left eye was starting to wear off or the nurses did not dripped enough on my left eye! I was freaked out by this thought but I was not able to say anything cos the incision was already made and I was told not to talk cos this would contort my face and shift my head and the precision of the laser would be off..! So I lied there, getting tenser by the minutes and praying that the whole thing would end soon. I had a good mind to sit up and scold the doctor upside down for putting me into this predicament!!

Then the most traumatizing part came. The doctor lifted up the flap and start to shone the laser onto my eyeball. As soon as the laser came into contact with my eyeball, I felt a sharp pain, and I twitched my head involuntarily! But I can't help it cos its a natural reaction to the pain.. The doctor scolded me for doing that! "Iris, you are not supposed to do that! Its no laughing matter and it has very serious consequences!!" I freaked out and almost cried out from the tension and the sharp pain but I had to bear with it and waited for the whole event to end. Got no choice too cos the whole procedure had already started! Man...! Its very very traumatizing!! Wah lau!

Anyway, the whole procedure went fine but I was tearing like mad after the thing. The doctor gave me a check up directly after that and I was allowed to go back.. Thinking back, I think I was actually quite brave to have gone through the whole procedure!! Wow!

Now, I am able to see without the need of glasses but its still not perfect eyesight yet. And I was told that I might need a re-treatment since my power was very high to start with and a first time correction might not be enough. But I would have to wait until 3 to 6 months before my eyesight stabalised again and then I will know if I would need a second treatment, meaning a second traumatizing affair for my poor eyeballs.... At this thought, I really feel like crying........!

But I am going to bear with it the second time if I had to, I want to be able to see clearly without any glasses..!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Pa Jiao!

Today shall be a brand new day for my eyes! i will be going for Lasik to get rid of my Pa Jiao-ness!!

Have been looking forward to this since I booked the appointment with Optimax in April and the day is finally here! WooHoo!!

Went for the pre-op eye examination on Tue and was really impressed with the professionalism of the stuff there. My eyes were tested left right centre and after the dilation of my pupils, my vision got a little blur especially when I am looking at near objects. I think the reason is that the pupils need to contract when they are forcusing on near objects and since they are being forced to dilate, it gets blurry when I am looking at near distance.. Just my logic, I have no idea if thats the case though. In any case, the feeling is weird and I felt a little giddy cos of the unbalance.

Anyway, back to today! The operation is at 4pm in the afternoon but I will be going there early. For what, you ask? To shop of course!! City Square, Rotiboy! Hah! As if there are a lot of stuff to see there! Actually the place is very large but the stuff sold there are not very suitable except for maybe their fashion wear like MNG etc.. Which I can find in Singapore anyway.. Its just that I want to check into the hotel earlier, drop my bag there and then explore around the place.. Boring? At least its better than being cooped up at the hotel!

Ok friends, wish me luck for my op and I shall see you in a different light after the op! :D

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I am Catherine!

pic of Catherine
You're Catherine. When you fall of a horse you get
right back on. You're a mother by nature and a
bad girl by heart.

Which CSI are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, May 20, 2005

Gastric and men

Had a real bad gastric pain this afternoon cos I was too hungry and ate too fast. I gulped down my food and got indigestion.. Manz, the pain was so awful, and with my boss breathing down my neck to complete my figures for him, it was really awful!

When Mike called me to ask me something, and found out that I got gastric pain, he said "ok lah, I help you find a boyfriend to take care of you ok!" If I was not so much in pain, I would have laughed at him. Actually I did managed a weak laugh and told him that I don need a man. He got so confused and puzzled by my reply that he asked "you like sisters ah? Cannot tell leh! If you want, I also got some friends who like sisters too, I intro them to you want?" This time, I can't help it and really laughed my head off!! On the one hand, I was laughing at his naivety and on the other, I was really tickled by his tone, he sound so serious!!

Then he turned serious and asked me how come I am so weird, don need a man..! I don know if I should laugh or to cry..! Here I was in pain and there he was trying to pry my privacy..! And I shut him up by saying, "No, I don need a man" And he answered, "ok lah, at least not now at the moment lah, but tell me if you do, I can intro you some yan daos!"

Kaoz, I don know whether to scream at him that I was really in pain or to laugh until my tummy burst!!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Amityville Horror

Was supposed to watch this show with the OT gang but I was sort of dragged along to watch it with 3 guys yesterday..! Before anyone think anything else, I actually watched with 3 young boys. They are the interns in my company, very nice and funny group of people..! They booked me to watch movies since last week, asked them to watch the Jacket but they wanted to watch this freaky scary show so they sort of dragged me into it..!

Throughout the whole show, I was covering my eyes!! Its a fuckingly scary show!! Christ.. I jumped a few times in my seats actually and I was actually trembling for the whole show.. Damn....

Sunday, May 15, 2005

The Amityville Horror

Got interested in this murder case when I saw the thriller a couple of weeks back. Googled on it and found some pictures of the house. A nice and cosy house from the looks though I have no idea if these photos are being manipulated but its kinda eerie if you realized that there are actually white spots all over the house. Spirits floating around the house perhaps?

Pictues here

Google translator

Google seems to offer everything that you want to find online but this is seriously interesting and most of the time the result is hilarious!

Try this:
Step 1: enter the following line: "my mom is nice and cool"

Step 2: translate English to Spanish.

Step 3: copy the translated text, and translate it back from Spanish to English.

Step 4: laugh at the end result!

Compliments from iJeff from SPUG

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Got nothing better to do on a hot Saturday afternoon so spend the day crawling through Cyberspace reading about Taurus women. Some of the stuff said are very true, like I am constantly fighting a losing battle with calories and stuff like that!!

Anyway if you are truly interested, you can read about what I was reading here and here

And this is also very true too!

And for the record, I just realized that I have the same sign as the Buddha!! Don play play hor...

Friday, May 13, 2005

Strange sighting

I was in the printing room today trying to transmit a file over to Custom with Tradenet. Ama was also in the room and she went first while I was standing beside her, waiting for my turn.

Now, Am is a big and round friendly lady and she likes to chat. Its quite nice talking to her except for the fact that she got a little bad breathe and I tend to keep a distance while talking to her.

Anyway, she was sitting down in front of the computer and her boobs happened to be in line with the table top so she was actually resting them on the table top. Its quite a funny sight but oh well, there was nothing wrong with that. And keeping in mind that shes a rather big lady so her boobs, shall we say, are more bigger than normal.. And I was chatting with her happily when I realized that her hand was resting on the table and was actually squeezing her boobs!! I was like, "Eh, I know you got big boobs which are nice and firm to squeeze but can you do that only in private?! And if you like, you can get your hubby to give you a hand too! " Of course I did not say this to her directly but I was having a hard time trying not to stare at her mountains being squeezed! Wah lau eh!

After a while, I guess she got tired and stopped. Well, they were a pair of big boobs so I guess squeezing them took a substantiable amount of her energy!!

Thursday, May 12, 2005


I wanted to see how my blog would look like if its in Chinese characters. And since my Chinese is serverely limited, I figured might as well post some Chinese lyrics here. And since this happens to be my favourite Chinese song at the moment.. A bit bo liao, I know but this is my blog and so I can just post anything I like.. You don like it, then don't read!


我只爱你 you are my super star
只能爱你 you are my super star

我为你发了疯, 你必须奖励我

我只爱你 you are my super star
只能爱你 you are my super star



我只爱你 you are my super star
只能爱你 you are my super star

我只爱你 you are my super star (you are my super star)你主宰我崇拜没有更好的办法(没有办法)
只能爱你(只能爱你) you are my super star(you are my super star boy)

Monday, May 09, 2005


While having dinner with my boss tonight, he asked Eu if she has any boyfriend? To my surprise, she actually replied that shes single. Eu is a modern working woman who carries herself very well and is always very well-dressed and made up. I have never seen her in a mess even when she is busy like hell. Shes smart, capable and most of all, very pretty. Wherever she goes, men will surely turn their heads and give her a second look. I would think that a woman like her would be taken and not available anymore. The next sentence she said made me look at her in a different light. When Ro asked her if she intend to get married, she actually said no and the reason she gave for that is that marriage is a burden and she does not want to get tied down. The fact that Ro asked that question already implied that this thought also crossed her mind before. There we were the 3 of us, 3 working women, each with different capabilities and background and yet each of us had given this question some thoughts. Do we want to stay happily single or get married and live a life with someone else?

The truth is, I am really scared of getting involved. First and foremost on my mind is that I don really have the time to think about relationships at the moment. I am working almost 12 hours everyday and I am too tired to think of anything else after I am home. During the weekend when I am not working, I would want to have my own private space and I am very selfish about my private space. I don't want to share this private space with anyone, whoever that person is. Essentially, I don have the time and space to accomodate another person in my life.

Next, getting married involves lots more than just love and feelings. To be able to stand another person and live with that person for the rest of your life requires a huge amount of tolerance and understanding. Its not as simple as just loving that person and then all shall be ok. To me thats crap. If a huge amount of tolerance is not there in the first place, whatever love shall turn into hatred and then you will find that you cannot even stand the look of the other person. And then whatever hope and expectations that you place in the relationship shall disintegrate into nothing and in the end, everything is a waste of time and feelings so why start the whole thing in the first place?

Then there is the monetary aspects of getting married. In Singapore, starting up a family requires so much money and attention to keep the family going. In the end, instead of happily enjoying the family, the couple will be working their asses off to pay loans, house loans, car loans and education funds for the children. The point of starting a family is to enjoy it and not to get tied down by loans! The monetary issues of starting a family just defeats the whole purpose of starting a family. I just cannot see myself being tied down by all these.

In fact, when I was just a girl in my teens, the thought of not getting married had already came across my mind. At a stage when most girls want to be happily married to someone they loved, I was actually thinking of staying single all my life, enjoying men and yet not tied down to any. I wanted to live alone, with a successful career, do whatever I want. And to solve the problem of the need to have my own children without a man, I even thought of artificial insemination or adoption, as much hilarious as that sounds..!

Then again, sometimes staying single can be very lonesome. There is no one to share your thoughts and views with and you are always alone. This feeling can be so strong sometimes that I felt so helpless and lost, especially after seeing all my friends happily attached and sharing their life with their other half. And to add on to my troubles and headaches, there are so much expectations being placed on single working women like me to get married. Relatives and friends are always asking when will I get attached, as if my marital status is any of their business!

After hearing Eu's reply, all the 2 of us fell silent. Even my boss went silent, sensing something deep going through our minds at that moment.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

window felled

My family almost killed someone early this morning. One of our window panes crashed 14 level down when it came loose and dropped off..! Sheesh.. One moment it was there, the next moment, it just went "plang" at the first floor! Its like slow motion in a movie.. The front portion got detached and then the whole thing floated down 14 levels and landed at the exact same spot where an Indian sweeper was a min ago! WTF!!

The worse thing was that I was shitting when the whole incident happened..! Halfway through my concentration, I heard my mum screaming "窗口掉下去了!!" and the whole commotion was followed with a loud "plang" sound.. WTF!! Freaked me out manz!!!

It was really lucky that there was no one at the spot when the thing fell down.. If there is, you might have to see me living on the streets or worse, eating 黑豆饭了!


Met up with ML and JP yesterday. Its been a long time since I met these 2 ladies and boy did they change a lot! Hahaha! And there was a lot of chatching up to do..! That hiao-por ML went to blow almost $2k on cutting her eyelid. She justified it by saying that shes got a lazy eyelid and so she wanted to balance it. The effect is quite amazing actually. It did make her look more refreshed and chio! lol! Well, shes got the money so might as well do something that she liked.. At least shes not afraid of the pain! Way to go girl!!

As for JP, shes also doing something about her face. For some weird reason, shes been getting quite a lof of marks on her face. She used to have the one of the fairest complexion amoung us all but after going for some facial thingy, her face starts to sprout red marks. Shes been seeing a doc and I hope she get well soon. Hey, JP, maybe you should just change your face products?

Anyway, the 3 of us met up yesterday and had a fun time catching up, on work, boys and friends.. Seems like the 2 of them have been quite busy with boys!

Its just too bad that I was having a bad nose and throat so I wasn't really paying much attention to the details. I did remember that I was wheezing and sneezing all the way until midnight yesterday! Poor me...

Monday, May 02, 2005

Faces of Innocence

face of innocence
Originally uploaded by blurfroggie.

Someone told me that a protruding eyeball does not make very nice photos. So, I went searching around on Flickr and found sets of photos that are nice and sweet and not to mention delicious..!

More here!

A contented man gone..

Ex-president Wee Kim Wee had passed away today at a ripe old age of 89.. Sad.. This was a man who preached about contentment and was a rather people's president.. I grew up with him as a president and used to think that he was the grandpa of Singapore (Hah! this will make LKY jump!) He had that grandfatherly look and that homely presence about him.

Well, all man, great or small has to die someday. May he rest in peace and move on to a better place..

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Jocasta Complex

In Greek mythology, Oedipus killed his father and married his mother. Such is called the Oedipus complex. The act of being in love with one's son however is called the Jocasta complex, named after Oedipus' mother. The latest CSI episode is based on the latter theory. Both are equally incestuous.

Committed took place in a state mental hospital, home to the criminally insane. The whole set up fits the theme and the place very well, there was even this funny downpour which does not seem to stop and last throughout the whole show. Anyway, back to the show. Joanne McNell was the woman who has Jocasta complex and had an affair with her son after her hubby passed away. Adam Trent was so messed up by his mother that he became a serial rapist and was locked up in this hospital. His lover, Robbie was the guy being killed. Incest, affairs and insanity, all ingredients for murders!

Perhaps I am a little wecko myself but I find Committed rather interesting. I liked the whole theme of the criminally insane and the dreary atmosphere. It just sets me in the mood for a good night story!

Well, what do you expect from a girl whose all time favourite books are Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal and whose favourite author is Patricia Cornwell!