Another drunken night

Before & After

Boss requested that those people who got promoted should give the whole department a treat and so all of us went to Riverside to have a sumptuous seafood dinner. Very sedap!

And as expected, the gang booked a KTV room, for a night of drinking and singing after dinner. Even our Malay colleagues joined us.

This time since the Ah Bengs, on knowing that I am able to hold my liquor rather well, kept getting me to drink. And it was when I noticed something rather interesting. Its not the amount of alcohol that made one drunk but rather how well one is able to control the rate at which the beer react with your system. Its like the more active I am, the faster I will get drunk..

Ok, I don think I am making any sense here, forget it...

Anyway, I did not get as drunk as the previous time. I did get a little tipsy but I can still walk in a straight line and did not topple over the stairs. I did not puke when I came home and most of all, I did not have a hangover the next morning. In fact, I woke up at 530am even though I slept at 1am last night. And I was rather awake although a little grumpy cos I did not have enough hours of sleep last night.

And then tonight, David and Tiff wanted to drag my ass off for more drinking again.. I surrendered. My body can only take so much abuse for a week. And I need sleep. Desperately..

Luckily, I don have to work tomorrow. (Finally!)

More crappy stuff about me!

I received this in my email today.. rather accurate I must say..!

TAURUS - WOMEN

Physical Appearance
•The women born during this period are of middle stature.
•The body is plumpy, the forehead - broad and the neck - thick.
•Taurean women normally have a clean complexion, dark hair, bright eyes, well developed muscles, and broad shoulders. They have a nice and friendly way of interacting with others.

Mental Attitude
•You have lots of patience and can withstand great hardships. But when provoked beyond limits, you will become wild with rage and no power can withstand you.
•Taureans are quite conservative and have a strong will power. They also show signs of laziness.
•You cannot be deceived into doing anything that you do not want to.

General Nature
•Women born under this sunsign have a very calm nature and can put up with lot of provocations.
•A Taurean woman speaks little and has a very strong will power. You have more moral and emotional courage than the average women
•It is easy for a Taurean woman to maintain harmony in domestic life and live a happy and enjoyable life. Very dependable and faithful, you are also a good cook and a very good homemaker.

Health
•You are less sensitive to pains and normally enjoy strong health. But if you fall ill, the recovery will be slow because your recooperative power is slow and you seldom co-operate with the doctor due to your stubborn nature.
•Diseases effecting the throat and lower abdomen like tonsils, diptheria, throat infections colds, constipation trouble you. Pimples and sore eyes are also a sore spot for you.
•You should avoid cold stuff and maximise intake of green vegetables to remain fit and healthy. Long walks are the best exercise for you and you should have sufficient sleep also.

Money
•You are one of the few people who steadily earn and save money. You should be cautious while spending.
•You can have a strong temptation for gambling also. You can become a good broker/ money arranger/ banker. It is not uncommmon for you to measure your success only from your savings.

Romance And Sex Life
•Taurus females are not outgoing types. They will prefer to kep themselves ocupied in their own affairs and still attract people.
•Once in love, you are very romantic and develop a strong attraction towards opposite sex. However you are quite slow in reacting. Good surroundings with lot of open air and natural looks turn you on.
•Harmony of colours and especially pastel shades of blue and pink are your favourites. Generally, you are not jealous of other females.
•Taurus women have a large appetite for sex. Throat is the hotspot for you. (Cool!)

Marriage
•You take long time to select your partner, but once married you shall prove to be a devoted wife. Taurus women rarely divorce . You care a lot for your husband .
•You are also a very caring mother for your childen and do everything possible to see them in good shape.
•Taurean women are good housemakers and do everything in a well planned and efficient manner. Food cooked by the Taurean women is often the best and they do show it well by throwing parties. (No way! I suck at cooking!)

Ideal Match
•The males born under Capricorn, Scorpio, Virgo, Cancer and Pisces sunsign are best suited for you.

Caution
•Women born under Taurus sunsign may become too lazy and get a tendency of taking life in a easy way. Being very fond of food, you gain weight very soon. This leads to showing down of general metabolism and a number of other problems. (Sianz...)

Choices (part 3)

Its really funny how sometimes when you have made up your mind over something and then some other forces, (of nature?) came along and throw all your balance off-tangent. Confusing but yet, deep down, you already know what you are going to do, its just a matter of accepting yourself and then admitting that what you have been doing all along are just so pointless.

Its like you have already plan to go down a certain path in a silent and lonely wood during a dark winter night, with silence as companion. The path may be very treacherous and tough but its the path that you have choosen and you resolved to walk the path to end, no matter how much you will get hurt. Walking down a dark and treacherous path alone in tears.

And suddenly one day, out of nowhere, you met something so distracting, warm and extraordinary. Its so distracting that its taking all the attention away from your walk. And the more you walk towards the distraction, the more you realize that there really is no point being so stubborn. There is really no point in feeling the hurt over and over again just so that the memories will stay with you. Its a matter of accepting that what had happened is over and done with. Memories will always remain as such, memories, somthing which gives hope and yet destroys when too much are being invested in them.

The path does not seem so treacherous anymore and the surroundings are not so dark anymore. In fact, everything are clearer and lighter.

The burden of regret and hurt seem so much lighter..

Changes or maturity?

Its funny how much I have changed after working. Lets see..

I used to be very quick tempered and will take things very seriously. I don like to be told what to do and was rather rebellious. The more anyone ordered me to do anything, the more I would want to ignore it and do it the other way round. Another thing is that I will never be able to take it if I got any scoldings, even if it were my fault. Thats the reason why I will never be suited to work in the customer service line. I was so affected by the nasty comments of customers that my temping period as a CSO was really miserable. I hated it.

Then I surprised myself today while I was chatting with the cabbie tonight. He was complaining how he had met a lot of weird customers. Some of them are very nasty ones. So I told him my experience yesterday.

A customer called me up and demanded that I provide him some shipping documents. But I had never heard of him before, not to mention his company. He was already very sacarstic when he called, commenting on my capability and my inteligence. Here I was, trying my best to help him with his problem and there he was being a pig, shouting at me and making snide remarks about me. In the end, I told him that I really had difficulties helping him cos I had no idea who was in charge of his shipment. He told me off and then slammed down the phone on me.

Strangely enough, I did not feel angry but find the whole incident rather hilarious. I was actually scolded for nothing! In the past, I would be so pissed that I might even call up the person and ask him to get his facts right and then go fuck his mother.

So I told my cabbie tonight that in the end, we are all just trying to earn a living. It is just work so there is no need to get personal with which ever assholes that he picked up as customers. Its no big deal.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was like "Woah! I did not imagine that I would be capable of such deep words!"

So I have come to a conclusion. Its either I have matured or its either I don give a damn about how others treat me. Either way, I hope its a change for the better..

Endless Love

解开我最神秘的等待
Unravel my mystic awaiting
星星坠落风在吹动
The stars have fallen, the wind is blowing
终于再将你拥入怀中
Finally I can embrace you again
两颗心颤抖
Two hearts quivering together

相信我不变的真心
Believe me, I have remained true
千年等待有我承诺
Thoursand years of an undying promise
无论经过多少的寒冬
No matter the passing winters
我决不放手
I will never let you go

现在紧抓住我的手闭上眼睛
Now close your eyes and hold on tightly to me
请你回想起过去我们恋爱的日子
Please recall the times when we were in love
我们是因为太爱
We loved too much
所以更使得我们痛苦
And so the pain now
我们连"爱你"这句话都无法讲
With not even a chance to utter words of love

每一夜被心痛穿越
Each night is filled with a piercing pain
思念永没有终点
With a deep longing
早习惯了孤独像随
Long used to such loneliness
我微笑面对
I faced my torment with a smile
相信我已选择等待
Believe me, I chose to wait
再多苦痛也不闪躲
And will never hide, no matter the anguish
只有你的温柔能解救
Only your gentleness can save me
无边的冷漠
From my cold abyss

现在紧抓住我的手闭上眼睛
Now close your eyes and hold on tightly to my hands
请你回想起过去我们恋爱的日子
Please recall the times when we were in love
我们是因为太爱
We loved too much
所以更使得我们痛苦
And so the pain now
我们连"爱你"这句话都无法讲
With not even a chance to utter words of love

让爱成为你我心中
Let the love in our hearts
那永远盛开的花
Blossom like a flower forever
穿越时空绝不低头永不放弃的梦
Traveling through an unawakening dream

我们是因为太爱
We loved too much
所以更使得我们痛苦
And so the pain now
我们连"爱你"这句话都无法讲
With not even a chance to utter words of love

让爱成为你我心中
Let the love in our hearts
那永远盛开的花
Blossom like a flower forever
我们千万不要忘记我们的约定
Lets not forget our undying promise
唯有真爱追随你我
With only true love as our companion
穿越无尽时空
Traveling through time and space
我们连"爱你"这句话都无法讲
With not even a chance to utter words of love

爱是心中唯一不变美丽的神话
Love is the only unfaltering myth

Lone ranger

I worked till 6pm today. Exactly 6pm and I stepped out of the office. I was prepared to continue working, perhaps all through the night if if possible but I was too tired. My body did not want to cooperate with my mind anymore. And the office was getting very hot and stuffy with the air-con turned off.

You asked, "why work until so late on a weekend? Why not go out and have fun, enjoy yourself and relax?"

Two reasons. One, I have a lot of work which does not seem to be able to get over and done with. If I do not clear them, my boss will probably chop my head off and use it as a soccer ball.

The second reason is more melodramatic. I guess there really is nothing for me to look forward to and nothing for me to enjoy during the weekend. Even if I am not working, I will most probably be rotting at home, staring at my iBook and surfing the net.

It was dark when I reached home. My parents were out, dating. My dog was locked in the kitchen and my sis was all dressed out and preparing to go out and enjoy her Sat night.

"Where were you the whole day?" Sis asked the moment she saw me.

"Work lah, what else."

"The whole day? Tot you went out after your work..."

So there you go, thats me, with my pathetic life. Its not that I do not want to go out and have fun but nothing much interests me these days. Christ, even my boss asked me not to always stay in the office until so late and go out have fun, meet some boys, or maybe even date some of the guys in the office..

And reading through some of the blogs about how these guys went out to watch shows with their wives, how they are enjoying their married lives with their other halves, just make the loneliness even more acute.. (Incidentally, I am listening to Akon's Lonely on iTunes.. Drats...)

Anyway.. I used to think that I want to stay single and be carefree. I do not want to get involved perhaps cos I have no confidence in myself or relationships. Its too complicated for a simple girl like me to get into, I hate to get entangled into relationships, or perhaps its just cos I am trying to protect myself. Whatever the case, I just want to be left alone.

Yet, it seems that there is always something missing. I am not saying that I need a man to complete my life or whatever crap like that. I am talking about companionship or just the basic human-to-human communication and interactions. Coming back home after a long day at work on a weekend and seeing that your house was emptied of laughters, smiles, talks, gossiping etc, just does not seem right. And hearing your brother saying sweet nothings and flirting with his girlfriend on the phone, your sister all dressed up to meet her boyfriend and remembering that your parents were out dating just makes the loneliness even worse.

There was this classic anecdote which I often tell my friends. One Sunday afternoon, my sis and bro brought their other half back home. My parents were in the bedroom laughing at one of their silly jokes again, my bro was having breakfast together his girl and my sis was playing with Ozzie with her boyfriend. I was the only who was facing an inorganic mater, my PC and my lappie. All of them were laughing with another human while I can only tap in silent on my iB or my PC.. At first, I was too engrossed in my tapping and then suddenly I realized that the house seemed to be more alive. There were laughters and barkings (Ozzie) all around. I looked up from my stuff and then just had this funny feeling that I did not belong at all. I felt forgotten and left out. So I did the next best thing, I took my iB into my room, locked the door and then went to sleep. On a clear Sunday late morning.

Well, at least now I am being kept busy by my work. Lets just hope that I can continue staying as busy like this so I do not have to be reminded that forgotten feeling again. Or whatever melodramatic shit.

Porsche Boxster

I cleared a shipment for this car today.

Headache siah....

Seems like nothing will go right for this shipment. First, delayed in payment to the shipping line cos my daily despatch went down before I can pass him the cheque. Then the shipping line was closed for the lunch hour.. So my container was delayed in getting released...

Then, got a call from the customer to tell me that he was already at our place to look at the unstuffing when I distinctively told him that we can only get ready for him at around 5-6pm. That was only 3pm then. Got a blasting from customer as a result.

Next, there wasn't enough drivers to truck this container to our yard here. Everything was delayed until 8 plus when the small little container arrived. Container was unstuffed and car was brought out. But tow truck was not here yet cos he went for a quick dinner and forgot the timing... Sheesh.. Got a scolding from me as a result, since I got another scolding from the customer..

At the end of the day however, when I saw the exquisite car loaded onto the tow truck, safe and sound, I felt a very weird sense of satisfaction. I have done my job, even though I got a couple of scolding from the customer due to some hiccups here and there..

All in a day's work...

Tired now..

Tagging

Rijac tagged me and so just for the heck of it..

7 Things You Plan to Do Before You Die
1) Live to a ripe old age
2) Squeeze finish 20 tubes of toothpaste!
3) Join a deep sea excursion
4) Tell my parents that I love them a lot
5) Go for plastic surgery to turn into a beauty queen
6) Skydive
7) Have lots of wild sex!

7 Celebrity Crushes
1) Pierce Brosnan
2) Arnold Vosloo
3) Nicole Kidman
4) Richard Gere
5) Catherine Zeta-Jones
6) Antonio Banderas
7) Jude Law

7 Often Repeated WORDS/PHRASES
1) Fuck you/fuck
2) Bloody hell
3) 冷静
4) Asshole
5) Shit
6) Wah lau!
7) Right..

7 Physical Traits I Look For In the Opposite Sex
1) Shoulders
2) Smile
3) Height
4) Eloquence/Voice
5) Hands
6) Eyes
7) Laughter

So, now its your turn to continue this tagging game.. Anyone who reads my blog will have to do it!

ME!

ME!
Originally uploaded by blurfroggie.

My potrait!

Kiss me and I shall be your princess tonight! :D

I'll be there..

Over mountains, over trees, over oceans, over seas
across the desert I'll be there...
In the whisper on the wind.. on the smile of a new friend
Just think of me and I'll be there...

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight
To be with you..
Cause I'm on your side
I still care...
I may have died but I've gone nowhere..
Just think of me and
I'll be there...

On the edge of a waking dream..
Over rivers, over streams,
Through wind and rain
I'll be there...

Across the wide and open sky
Thousands of miles I'll fly to be with you
I'll be there...

In the breath of the wind that sighs
Oh, there's no need to cry
Just think of me..
I'll be there....

This is such a sad and beautiful song....

Promotion?

"Ah Teo! Come in!"

Thats how my boss called me yesterday to his room. Bloody hell.. Half of the office now know that my surname is Teo, which is not exactly a bad thing by itself but the looks that they had indicated that they thought I have done something wrong.. haiz...

Actually, boss just wanted to ask me if I considered myself due for a promotion.

So, I told him straight in the face that I want a promotion. The jobs that I am handling now is more than that of a coordinator and I also happen to have the highest qualification in the entire department, even though qualification is not a very major issue here.

Boss also praised me for being very hardworking but I have a very major flaw, I am not good in PR. He gave an example of how if there are 2 girls, both are equally good but one is good in PR and know how to "talk" to the boss while the other do not. In the event of a promotion, of course the former will get it. He said I should do something about it but he recognised that its my nature, just as its my blur nature..! Haha! Jialat, even boss also said I am blur..

I told him the reason why I don like to PR is cos I don like to talk. I am not a person to waste words and I speak only when necessary. PR is not really my thing. He said thats good but in the working world, PR is very important. Its a way for one to promote himself/herself so as to get recognised. Its just like studying. Study hard does provide good results but study smart will produce the same, if not better, results with the same effort.

So, I really need to do something about it but the thing is, how?? How do you do PR with your boss?? On a funnier side note, I even asked him straight in the face if its cos I don suck up to him often and thats why he had such an opinion about me, which sent him laughing in stiches but he said no, its just his observations about me. Heh heh..!

Its funny how one can only know about one's traits and characteristics after one enter the working world. I think I know more about myself for the past 2 years after entering the work force. I believe I am a good worker, I am responsible, I will try means and ways to get the job done if something went wrong. I am good with technical skills. I am hardworking and I don mind sacrificing my personal time to finish a job. I don like to follow the norm and will try ways to get out of any tedious process even if these are the norms. These are the strong points that I observed about myself.

However, at the other spectrum would be that I am very forgetful by nature. Well, maybe not very, but rather. Especially when the stuff that I am doing does not satisfy me or interest me. I am also quite blur, as most of you would have noticed about me by now. And then there is this irritating trait about me having to have the most information before I can safely say that I understand what is to be expected of me. I would ask very detailed questions and be a pain in the ass. Another thing about me is that I don like to follow the norm and can sometimes disrupt the workflow and irritate others whom I considered a stick-in-the-mud. I hate to follow processes which I see no point in doing but just cos its norm. I also can get quite flustered if I am rushed, which can be very dangerous when taking my forgetfulness and blurness into account!

Ok, these are just some of the stuff that I observed about myself while I am at work. I believe working is a continual learning process, one which I can learn more about my own character and my traits, and one which I want to be a continuing improving process.

So, now all I can do is to cross my fingers and pray hard that I will get the promotion.. :)

Tears from the Moon

Couldn't sleep so I went out walking
Thinking about you and hearing us talking
And all the things I should have said
Echo now, inside my head

I feel something falling from the sky
I'm so sad I made the angels cry

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
I reach for you
I reach in vain

It just ain't fair this thing called loving
When one step there and the other feels nothing

All day I keep from falling apart
But at night when the sky gets dark

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
I reach for you
I reach in vain

Stop, Stop haunting me
It should be easy
As easy as when you stopped wanting me

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
but tears from the moon
can't wash away the pain

Does the moon have tears?

Blogging

This is one entry that is way overdue. The rationale and the consequences of blogging.

Before going on however, I must say something about my reasons for blogging.

I started this blog cos I was out of job for a while and I was feeling very bored with nothing to do at home. I had this fantastic iBook and I had my sister's digital camera to play with so I figured might as well do something useful with all these gadgets. Thats why my very first few entries were filled with pictures, just some random pictures that I can take and find on my sister's PC.

Then, when I had a job and was soon working, I found that I don have much time to play around with the gadgets much and there wasn't enough pictures for me to post onto my blog. I soon began to write about the things I see and the thoughts that I had. And the feelings that I went through. As such, the later entries of my blog almost always expressed my emotions. For a while, I was rather depressed and those entries were rather dark. During other times, I was pissed or irritated with certain things and those entries were filled with anger. And then there were times when I was curious about stuff and those were about my curiosty

The thing is, I write when I feel strongly about things. At that precise moment. My blog has changed from a tool for me to experience with my gadgets to a tool for me to express myself and to vent my feelings.

You might ask, "why blog, you are exposing your inner thoughts to your audience?"

Why? I have no idea. I am ok with the idea that there are you busybodies out there who might be curious with my life and want to read about my feelings and experiences. However, I must say that most of the time, I am not who I really am in cyberspace. Most people who only know me in this digital landscape will almost always agree that I am a very fierce and foul-mouthed bitch. But I must defend myself here in saying that I am actually a very timid person. I don like to get into arguments with anyone, preferring to take the easier approach of shying away from controntations. I guess its the luxury of not having a real face-to-face confrontation which made me more daring and more willing to get into arguments online.

But I digress.

The blogging atmosphere in Singapore is still very conversative. Just take a look at the big hoo-ha that SPG caused when she posts erotic pictures of herself and talked about her sexual conquests. Its really not a big deal actually, if one think hard about her actions. She is just a fun-loving girl who dares to express herself and is not worried about the opinions of others, even though our society find her actions a little hard to accept. As such, there is such a big commotion. In fact, I would say I can come up with quite a couple of blogs that are even more explicit than hers and most people in their society don even know about them. No big commotions, not big hoo-ha, no nothing. Nada. Examples? Try Nymphogirl. (Note: this is one very explicit blog, do not read if you are a tight-assed prick who gets offended easily.) Now, thats one very horny girl! And I believe she remains very much invisible in the sea of blogs in the US, even though she really is very, very explicit in her descriptions.

Another thing which I noticed about the blogging atmosphere in Singapore is that people tend to believe the personas that these bloggers adopt in cyberspace. Take for example Xiaxue. She appeared like some loud-mouthed bitch. She likes to whack people and made fun of them while blogging. And just look at the hate-fans that she has. Goodness! Funny thing is, she does not even sound like a bitch in real life. She actually sound quite sweet. Weird.

And then there is the consequences of the stuff that you said on your blog. Its inadvertable that I would touch on this topic, considering the very big hoo-ha that a couple of scholars caused with their criticisms of certain races and a certain public board. And then there are the 3 jokers who were recently charged under the newly implemented Seditious Act, which incidentally, is a joke by itself. At least thats what I think but again, thats another story.

I mean, its not right that these people are making racism like child's play. I am not a very extreme person but I do condemn racism. I think it should be the first thing to be eradicated in our civilized societies. Then again, the very definition of civilized and racism are filled with much ambiguity in the first place. Again, I digress. To get to the point, I don like to be extreme but racism deserves no tolerance.

However, to charge someone for what they said in their blogs is a tad too ridiculous. Blogs are just an intangible avenue for people to vent their feelings, like me. Or just basically to "talk" to someone about some crap, like what I am doing now, crapping with you. Most of the time, I believe people don mean what they say on their blogs unless they have some agenda. Furthermore, one of the 3 bloggers who made these racist remarks are just in their teens, for Christ sake! Whoever meant what you said in your teens! I don even remember what the hell I said while in my teens!

What I am saying here is that, people should not take blogs seriously.. Its one thing to enjoy the blogs that you are reading and another to actually charge the blogger for something that he made on his personal cyberworld. There are 2 choices that one can do if one does not agree with the blogger. One, crap loudly about his blog or just basically fuck off and don read. Its your choice. The whole idea of getting fucked left, right, centre over something that I wrote on my blog is so ridiculous and scary that I think I am going to change my philosophy of writing what I feel on my blog cos its my blog. I don think I own my blog anymore. There is this nagging feeling that I am being watched and I hate the idea that I have to think about the consequences of my words in a place where I rant and don meant what I rant about. This is just so crazy.

Havoc in 2 days

The past couple of days have been pretty havoc for me.. And I experienced couple of things which I have never experienced before.

First, I had my first taste of riding on a bike. In short skirt.

Ah beng and gang wanted to have a farewell party for CM who will be leaving at the end of the month. Well, actually today was her last day. Since they like to drink and sing, a KTV is the best option and so we went to the PartyWorld at Orchard, all the way from our workplace. Of all days to choose to wear a skirt, I stupidly choose to wear a skirt on that day, a short one at that too. And the only form of transport that Ah Beng and gang have are bikes. So I had my first tast of riding on a bike with a short skirt. Ah Beng was rather sweet to lend me his jacket to cover my legs while I was on a bike.

But riding a bike was really fun. Perhaps I might even want to have a license for bikes.. hmmm..

Second, I had my taste of being drunk, so badly that I puked.

Ah Bengs were all drinking. We shared 7-8 jugs of beer amoung us. Scary. I never knew that I can drink so much. The only thing I was not doing with them was to smoke, but I think the amount of second hand smoke that I inhaled last night was about the same amount of poison that I would have gotten if I were to smoke for a week.

I was already drunk at the pub but my colleagues, seeing that I was able to hold my liquor rather well, asked me to drink for them. They were girls and they were trying to finish the beer so that Ah Bengs will not be able to drink. They had to ride their bikes home after all and its very very dangerous to drink while driving. I was still able to drag my ass home and had a shower. Everything was cool until I had to wipe my hair dry. I puked.

And the next morning, I stil had to go to work. I worked up with a splitting hangover. Everything was turning. Went back to sleep and I had to rush to work in a cab..

Then today, I had to attend a D&D at Neptune Orient Restaurant, organised by some institue of shipping management. Those who are more knowledgeable will know what this restaurant is famous for. At first, I can't belive my eyes and thought that the cabaret girls were in some kind of nude colour skin suit. Then I saw the brown colour in the centre of the globe and realized that they were not in a skin suit after all! Cool!

After the event, I went to have a second round of drinking session with my colleagues. This times its whisky and not beer.

And its now 2am and I have to go to work tomorrow. I think I am so going to experience my second hangover in 3 days...

The sound of silence

Its funny to be up and not sleeping like most people during the late, or rather early hours in the night.

I have been having insomnia during the wee hours of the day, or night if you prefer. Note here that its during and not until. I would be really tired and would fall asleep at around 12am and then would just wake up at around 3am, after which, I will not be able to go back to sleep. I would be worrying about my work and the more I think about it, the more worried I would be and then the more awake I would become and by then, I would be wide awake. The fact that I had a heavy dinner yesterday made it even harder for me to go back to sleep now.

The most prominent thing about being awake at this time of the morning is the silence. Almost everyone is sound asleep and there are no sounds of people talking or vehicles moving or dogs backing or what not. Silence, thats the only sound that is around. Thats what I liked. Its the best time of the day or night to think and talk to myself. Talk, as in thinking in your mind and telling yourself what you are going to do for the next day, not talking out loud, which I think would freak my sister out..

I once came across a saying by some Chinese poets or thinkers about how we wasted three quarters of our life sleeping. In fact, we don really need so many hours of sleep each day. There are many stories of past great people who like sleep only a couple of hours each day. The Buddha, for example only slept 2 hours each day.

Well, past great thinkers or not, the fact is I am having insomnia. I think I have been worrying too much about my work these days. I have not been eating regularly, or sleeping well each day. In fact, sometimes and I don even have a proper lunch and almost always skip dinner and don even feel hungry but I am thirsty all the time. Like now.

The fragility of life

Life is so fragile.

I saw something that totally throw my balance off today. It affected me so much that it spoilt my mood to work.

There was a fatal accident at PSA and Ah Beng forwarded me the email with photos showing the accident site. A sort of vehicle, resembling a small crane tobbled over, crushing the driver underneath it. I am not sure if the photos were real or altered but they certainly looked very real and grahpic. The man was folded over, his legs bending over his head, his hands were outstretched over his head and when the police flipped the body over, the top half of his head was totally crushed. His brains were all splattered over him. Surprisingly, there were very little blood, perhaps washed away by the rain. The police and some workers have to use a huge crane to lift the small vehicle and to extract the body out. And I am willing to bet that they would have to scrapped the head and brains off the ground. The pictures were so clear that I could even see that the victim was a Malay who used to have a moustache.

The first thought that came to my mind was that "What about his family? This man might have children and wife waiting for him to come home." And the thought was so sad (for lack of better words) that I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach. This man had people who loved him while he was alive.

And then I began to imagine its someone whom I care and love in his situation, involved in a freak accident and getting killed. I began to imagine its my parents or my family in such a situation and I was so afraid that I even had to call my mum and pretend to ask her if she had cook my dinner to soothe my fears and to assure myself that my family is still well and healthy.

We are always working and chasing our goals everyday that most of us might have forgottent that life is actually so fragile. A slight misalignment of fate might just end our lives. The man might have gotten a cold on that fatal day but still went to work that day and that cost his life. If only he went to the doctor and gotten sick leave, he might just be alive today. A misalignment of fate.

The thing is, most of us have always been taking life for granted. How many times have you tell yourself to stop and take a rest before continuing in your daily pursuit of your goals? How many times have you tell your parents or your loved ones that you care for them and love them? How many times have you been abusing your body when you succumb to your bad habits like smoking or drinking? How many times have you played with fate when you speed while driving? This list can just go on. We humans are just so ignorant and foolish and plain stupid. We are always tempting with fate and gambling with life. And in the process, we forgot that we are in fact very fragile. Life is fragile.

I am still very affected by fatal accident and the thought of the victim's loved ones having to bury him in that state is just so....

I can't think of a word to describe that sinking feeling in my stomach.

Shopping trip with a funny little woman

Sometimes taking my mum out for shopping can be rather tiring and I don mean physically tiring but mentally tiring.. And the most tiring thing is when I took her out for meals. Cos my old woman has a very weird eating habit, she does not like to eat stuff that she has never eaten before.

This afternoon, me and my mum went shopping at Orchard and she was already complaining about being hungry even before we stepped out of our house. For some reason, she is always acting like a baby when shes with me.. Anyway, I was having a craving for Sakae Sushi so decided to bring her to Wheelocks place to have it.

And I literally had to dragged mummy dearest to the restaurant.. Bleah.. She was complaining about how she might puke if she had sushi and she don know how to eat it..

And so I went "What do you mean you don know how to eat it? Just open your mouth, put the sushi in, close your mouth, chew and swallow and thats it! Easy and simple right?!"

I think I must have spoken too loudly that the people beside us overheard my exclamation and laughed..

Anway, mummy dearest could really be very funny at times.. She does not go town often and was a little timid when it comes to approaching the sales staff for enquiries. And it gets even funnier when I pulled her into the Apple@Orchard store to catch a glimpse of the new iPod Nano. The store was packed and I literally had to drag her around the store to show her the Nano..! I was so excited about the tiny piece of gadget but there she was, tsking me all the way saying "Aiyoh, whats with that tiny piece of metal? How come its so expensive har?"

And the guilty look on her face when she saw the iBooks on display and was reminded of how she disfigured mine was really priceless..! Muahahaha!!

Mummy dearest, you are such a funny little woman at times...!! LOL!

Bus terminals

I don know if its just me or what but I hate going to bus terminals. The problem is that I will have to go to not 1 but 2 bus terminals to catch my bus to and fro my work place every day from Mon to Fri. And each time, the experience just suck big time.

Let me explain why.

First, the people. Its logical to say that there are lots of people cramped into a bus terminal considering that its the place where commuters change their bus routes or alight from the buses that they were at. And with so many homo sapiens congregated into a tiny place, there are bound to have problems associated with people's habits. Smoking, rushing, littering, and nose digging are just some of the bad habit that can be found in a bus interchange. The first 2 pose negative externalities while the last 2 are just plain irritating. I hate people who smoke without regards to the people around them. The worst is when they are smoking in the queue! Can't they see the "No Smoking" sign at the front of the queue? Inconsiderate..

Second, its the stench. Its inevitable that with so many people rushing everywhere that their stench will get into the place. Mixture of perspirations with perfumes or colognes with the smell of cooked food as the smell floated from the nearby hawkers to the interchanges really bring the level of smell that one can "enjoy" there to new heights manz.... Its not about the smell but the thoughts that these smells conjured up as you 'experienced" them. Thoughts of filthy sweaty bodies that are the souces of these smells.. Not a very nice thought when you are walking through the crowds..

Then its the dirt and dust that collected at the bus interchanges. Buses produce a lot of soot and pollution. Perhaps its cos of the diesel that they use or its just cos they were not maintained properly but whatever the case, the pollution at a bus interchange is terrible. And the worst thing to happen is when you were walking in the terminal and then a cloud of polluted exhaust fumes envelopes you cos a bus just got started nearby you.. Crap..

At the end of the day when one just need to go one's comfy home, entering a bus interchange will really make one's temper soar. There were many times I was so irritated with the bus interchanges that I was at that I just gave up taking a bus and hailed cabs instead..

Bleah..

How stupid can a human get?

How dumb and stupid can one get? I am so fucking pissed and seething with anger at the moment.

I always leave my iBook on my study table and although its very crowded with stuff, me and my sis are ok with it. We put all our valuables, handphones and iPods on that table. We know how to be take care of our stuff cos the space is very limited and we take care not to bang anything on our expensive gadgets on the table.

My old woman, on the other hand is a very rough person. The worst thing is she like to mess things up and then tidy them again.

This afternoon, she was messing with my cabinet and taking out our set of encyclopedia so that she can give them to our cousins. And then in her state of boredom, she went to clean up my sis's pianica.. For fuck sake lah, whatever did you want to keep that stupid piece of junk for?! Just throw the fucking piece of crap away lah! Bloody hell!

So that stupid woman put the pianica on my study table and proceed to clean it up. And she saw my sis name on that junk and went to take a marker to strike away the name. The marker ran out of ink and stupidly she proceed to open the huge whiteboard marker on my table. That piece of crappy marker leaked and went into the pianica. Thinking that nothing was wrong, she clean up the pianica and went happily away.

Turned out, there was a hole in the pianica and since that fucking piece of crap was ON TOP of my iBook, it stained my lappie.

And the stupid woman did not even realize it. How fucking stupid and dumb can a human get?? The more I see that stain on my lappie, the more angry I am. After a day of tiring work and coming back home to something like this, I just want to give up and walk away. Fucking hell, I really feel like smashing myself into a glass panel now. Damn it.

And so the whole patch of stain was on my iB for the whole day. By the time I came home, the ink had already seeped into the cover and even after cleaning it away, the surface is still a little yellowish. Lucky its not black ink otherwise I am so going to move out into an apartment of my own.

Sometimes I am not sure if my parents are purposely out to irritate me. I think the only way in which I can avoid any arguments with them would be to move away from them. I think sooner or later, I am going to move out into an apartment of my own.

There was a girl..

There was a girl who does not treasure the people around here..

She has very loving parents who are always very concerned about her. They try very hard to provide the best of everything for her. They are very proud of her and will give their support in whatever she does. They are always concern about her health and whether she has a good day. Whenever she wants something, she only needs to ask from them and they will give her whatever she wants.

Yet, she is always taking her parents for granted. She does not seem to like to talk to them and neither does she wants them to ask about her. She just wants them to leave her alone. She does not seem to be interested in whatever they do. She just wants them out of her life.

She has a group of friends who are always there for her. They are concerned about how she is coping with her work, with her issues and basically how is she getting on. She has good friends whom she knows will be around whenever she needs them.

Yet, she is always taking her friends for granted. She does not seem to want to get involved in whatever her friends do and whether they are getting along fine. She does not know what each of her friends are doing and how they are getting on with their lives. She does not even notice that one of her friends is facing a crisis at home until she read it in her blog. She just seem to want to be left alone with her life.

She has guys who are interested in her and is concerned about her daily life and they want to make her happy.

Yet, she is obsessed with the one man who does not care about her, the one person who was always taking her for granted and hurt her. Even though physically, he is no longer in her life, her life is still pretty much in a mess cos she just cannot get over him.

There was a girl and she should be ashamed about herself and she deserved all the emptiness that she is feeling everyday.

Expensive cars

Expensive cars
Originally uploaded by blurfroggie.

2 Porsches were supposed to be exported out to Hong Kong for some exhibition. The guys took some pictures of them as a precaution and also for remembrance..

It just so happened that there was a Ferrari parked at the vehicle pound and they thought of taking a picture of all 3 cars together.. Cool..

I think the value of all these 3 cars add together is enough to buy 3 of my house, maybe even 4.

Sweat...

Broken

I finally broke down today.

I was being chased by so many people for stuff today and everything seemed to be urgent and important. My boss kept thinking that I have more room for stuff and kept pushing things for me to do. I was so stuffed with work and deadlines that I forgotten to bill something and he was rather unhappy with me. The fact that I was very harshly scolded by a customer for an hour cos his shipment was delayed in clearance made matters worse.

At that moment, with all the papers on my table, the incessant ringings of my phone and my mobile at the same time, the constant flow of emails that were all urgent, it would seem that everyone is always constantly asking me for stuff, taking so much from me and yet does not allow me to have enough time to digest the necessary information at all.

So at that point in time, I broke down.

Perhaps its cos I was thinking too much last night or perhaps its just my work, whatever the case, everything was just too much for me to handle. I am only human, I only have two hands and a brain. Why is everyone always taking from me? I have given so much and yet people are still taking from me. I really have nothing to give anymore.

I am so goddamn tired of these all.

Memories (part 2)

Sometimes when you least expected it, past memories would just come back and hit you right in the face, forcing you to confront them and strike you in the heart, making you remembering your pain.

Being so busy for a while allows one to take refuge from the memories and the pain. It also lets one enjoy some temporary relief and prevents one from getting suffocated by all the memories and the anger. Yet, all that are just so temporary. When all the work have been finished, all the memories would just flood back. They are like parts of an old movie being replayed over and over again in a theatre. And you are the sole audience strapped down on your seat, forced to watch the painful movie in that old and dark and lonely theatre. Frozen on the spot, unable to move and forced to watch all the images being projected on the huge screen. Images that bring about happiness, sadness and the beginning of it all.

And when the memories came back, they really come back with a vengence. Waves and waves of them, coming back and hitting you right in your heart. Places, people, actions and words just made these memories even clearer and the pain sharper.

Its during these times when I would prefer to remain busy, working until I am dead tired at the end of the day so that my body does not have the energy to even think. Just so that these memories would have no chance to come back and force me to confront them.

I would do anything just to forget

Voices of love

I heard love today. And the feeling is very amazing, especially since it come from my parents.

My parents were lazing around in their bedroom and were discussing how they should spend their Sunday. Somehow, mum said something funny and caused dad to break out in laughter. Mum also joined in of course. In the end, both of them were rolling in their bed, in stiches.

I was in my room, playing with my iBook and heard their laughters. I can't help but break out in smiles when I hear them. I felt very comforted that my parents are alive and healthy, jumping around in bed, sharing jokes and laughters. In fact, I felt very fortunate that I am able to enjoy that. I should really count my blessings everyday and pray that I will be able to hear their laughters more often.

Its not hard to see that my parents are so much in love. They go everywhere together, in fact they even work together. I hardly see my dad or my mum alone without each other. Its such an amazing feeling to see one's parents so much in love after so many years of marriage. They really give meaning to the phrase growing old together.

I envy them.

Bimbo me

Finally managed to go out and have some fun yesterday after working my ass off for the past couple of weeks. Its a rather interesting affair when you realized that you have not wandered to town for like a month and then realized that nothing much has changed other than perhaps the locations of certain bus stops have been altered. Its also pretty interesting if you think about the fact that the types of events happening there and the people wandering in the most crowded part of Singapore are about the same.

I think the most interesting thing that I did yesterday was to wear a certain shirt that I bought months back. The reason why I had not wear it was cos I think its a little revealing. Its rather low and half of my milkbags are revealed. I am not saying that I don wear revealing clothes but when you are feeling bloated and ashamed of your body, you would not want to show off your body to the rest of the world. Then again, I was just thinking, heck, I am only young once, might as well just whack and not think so much!

So with that thought in mind, I went to seek confirmation from my mum about my outfit. Her reply was rather funny. She said, "Good, wear something nice for a change. That is nice!"

Ho sei liao! Even my mum wanted me to be more daring! Guess this shows what a boring person I am..!

And so, I stepped out of the house in that top and heels. I will be a little shameless here and say that on the whole, I think I look rather good in it..! I also happened to notice that the companion that I was with was noticing my boobs the moment I stepped out of my life.. In fact, there were couple of times when I caught him glancing at my chest when he was talking to me.. Men..

I mean I am not against people admiring my body parts per se but at least tell me how I looked. Its very interesting to be able to know how you appear in the eyes of other people, especially members of the opposite sex. Not to mention flattering when you are told that you looked good.. Heh..!

Oh well, at least I did something different yesterday even though Red Eye was a rather boring show with its lame plot and the brainless villians.. Imagine a professional hitman being outsmarted by the woman!