Saturday, July 01, 2006

Alone in a big world

I am stting in my room alone on this warm night, trying to understand the waves of emotions that are currently sweeping through at the moment, trying to understand myself and my feelings better.

I really don know what to do from this point onwards. Everyday I lived, its always the same. I am always feeling so empty. Why?

Nothing seem to satisfy me...

I am always feeling so lonely, always trying to find some answers to some obscure questions when I have no idea what are they in the first place. It is indeed confusing.

Everyday is the passing of seconds, minutes and hours and I have no idea why I allow myself to go through all these. I am so confused. And so alone. Why?

The only way I can express myself is through this empty white space. Whenever I am pensive, I will come here and let my fingers do the talking. I don express myself verbally well and its very difficult to say out what I want.

I am lonely. I guess everyone is, to a certain extent. And people have their own way to eliminate their loneliness. I just have not find a way to eliminate my loneliness.

Its so ironic that in this world of such advance technology, where there are a million and one ways of communication, there will be people like me existing. People who are lonely. People who cannot find a most suitable way to communicate with others. People who just need to find their stand in their world. People who are so scared of being forgotten.

Sometimes I just want to shout out loud to the world passing out there, moving away from me. I exist and I want to be known. Please do not leave me behind. Please do not forget me.

Why is it that the more material I own, the more people I know, the more I got, the more I do, the lonelier I feel? Please tell me what should I do to eliminate this loneliness?


Anonymous said...

You arent lonely in this big far, so far, away from, u, but feel sometimes..well, more than sometimes, the same way u feel.
and when it happens, i try to think about nature, my dogs, the ones i love, the other ones i love but dont even realize i loved them so much..also think, about this guy, whom i met, i changed my life-sure enought to admit, that whithouthim, i have the impression, i l be feeling alone in this world, all by myself.
is this love?... uckk..
as it s the first time this happens to me, i really dont know how to act, he rejects me..and it hurts so much..but what is worst, is that we ved had a closed relationship, but changed his ..closed hs heart..and one day after making love, he sais "i dont want u anymore, i dont like u anymore".
then i think, life is unfair, world crazy, and that in the end..we can t trust anyone.
i understand your mood, but try to think about the susnsets...thry give my strength, for going along alone, without knowing why, but..remember..keep focus on the snsets, they warmed u, and mahe u feel embraced by something bigger...maybe god..who knows?

iRis said...

Thats sucky, wat a bastard...

Well, I am not that different from you, I am seeing this guy, we are intimate and we behave like we are a couple. In a way, we share lots of things together, but never venturing into the emotional and feelings aspects. Maybe its cos we are too insecure with each other to be sharing our lives totally together with each other. Or maybe its just cos he cannot accept me and thats why I am holding myself back.

Thing is, I feel terrible everyday cos I am very clear about my feelings for him, I love him. I just dunno wat to do with him. And the fact that I do not belong to him makes it even worse when I am physically with him. I don know if he will one day do what that bastard did to you. And I have known him for close to 3 years already.

I know just what you are going through, life sucks. And I hate it.