Tuesday, July 11, 2006


You know sometimes when you got the idea that you are just not needed anymore. When whatever that you have done is enough and its not gonna change anything.

Then its time to let go cos holding on to it is too tiring and too heavy and if you do not let it go, its gonna pull you down into an abyss of forlornness since you just do not have the energy to fight it anymore.

Thats when you decided to give up. Even though the idea is so harsh and so painful. Giving up cos you have finallly realized that you are not needed anymore.

Feelings are dying and finally dead. Then again, Not knowing what you are feeling is not the same as not feeling.

So what if I am not able to decipher what I am feeling at the moment or even if I am feeling anything at the moment?

The most ironic part is that at the end of it all, at the end of whatever that had happened, there is only a lingering ache. A throbbing ache that all that had happened have just turned into ashes and blown away by the wind. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

And the most painful part about giving up is that the person that you are giving up does not seem to care, nor even make the effort to fanthom the rational for this surrendering of hope or feelings. It just hurt so much to know that your importance is just so miniscule and so redundant. So worthless, so meaningless.

There is a very thin line between love and hate and when you have crossed the line, you remain crossed over, unable to return and is forever marooned on the other side, whichever the side is.

At the end of it all, you are just a puppet, just an entertainment item. An object, something that is meant for distraction and nothing else. Your feelings do not matter and will never matter. Nothing about you matters. The trust, the tears, the mistakes, the guilt, they do not even exist at all.

When you think about this, whatever that was said or done previously just does not seem to matter anymore. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

And yet, if given the choice, you will still walk back the same route that lead you back to the same path.

How foolish..

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