Sunday, July 30, 2006
My favourite song of all times
Finally found a clip of my favourite song of all times.. Enjoy!
Tiesto and Andain: Beautiful Things
Tiesto looks so delicious...!!! :D
Happy 41st!
The feeling of celebrating your nation's birthday at the national stadium with 59,000 other spectators was certainly different from watching it alone on the TV. The sights, the sounds, the merry, the cheers and the sheer size of the stadium was so intense that you just feel so minute and humbled.
And most of all very patriotic.
The efforts, the investments and the time spent on the event itself must have been huge though. The manpower, the cheography, the coordinations and the logistics must have been a nightmare!
As I watched the events unfolding before my eyes, a sudden thought struck me. How many countries in the world can celebrate their nation's birthday every single year without fail? Or perhaps I should instead say, how many countries in the world have the ability to celebrate their nation's birthday in the first place?
We Singaporean are really a fortunate lot, we have a roof over our heads, we have electricity, water and comfort in our house. We have an organized society, good security and a well-coordinated public transportation system. How many countries in the world is able to proudly say that their public transportation are comfortable and accessible. Or even on time? Most of the time.
And yet most of us take things for granted. We complain, we bitch, we point fingers and we asked for help whenever we meet any problems. Its so disheartening. Have we become so useless that every single little things, we have to ask for help from the government? And then when they are doing things that we dislike, we bitch and complain and yet do nothing?
In my opinion, we still have a long way to go before we can safely say that we are a developed society. Being developed or not does not only involve the economic wealth of the society. It is also about an attitude. An attitude that spells maturity and far sightedness instead of reliance and narrow mindedness.
As much as I hate some of our public policies, I am still very proud of my country and her achievements.
Most of all I am proud that I am able to celebrate my nation's birthday without fail every year.
Happy Birthday Singapore!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Somehow, we will Collide
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collidem quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
Thursday, July 27, 2006
New lappie
"I wanted to bring back your work to do but I am using Mac at home and I am not used to using Office on it. Besides, its really slow if the file is too large."
I told my boss, thinking that he will spare me from working at home.
A couple of days later, he said.
"Iris, I am going to lend you a notebook, bring it home and finish up my work at home."
"Har, I am already like working a whole day in office and now you want me to work from home as well...."
He smiled and walked away.
A few hours later, my IT guy came over and configure a T43 for me. I almost thought my boss would forget about it.
It would be more tolerable if my effort is being appreciated, but alas...
I worked until 3am last night to finish up a presentation and the next morning, after submitting the work to my boss, he called me into his room and said.
"I have seen your presentation but lets just use back the old one, cos the first one was sent to them already and they are used to the first one."
I was so pissed that I got gastric the whole day.
I should have kept my bloody mouth shut instead of blabbling out...
I told my boss, thinking that he will spare me from working at home.
A couple of days later, he said.
"Iris, I am going to lend you a notebook, bring it home and finish up my work at home."
"Har, I am already like working a whole day in office and now you want me to work from home as well...."
He smiled and walked away.
A few hours later, my IT guy came over and configure a T43 for me. I almost thought my boss would forget about it.
It would be more tolerable if my effort is being appreciated, but alas...
I worked until 3am last night to finish up a presentation and the next morning, after submitting the work to my boss, he called me into his room and said.
"I have seen your presentation but lets just use back the old one, cos the first one was sent to them already and they are used to the first one."
I was so pissed that I got gastric the whole day.
I should have kept my bloody mouth shut instead of blabbling out...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
On a Sunday morning...
Its been quite a while since I really enjoyed a really heart thumping fictional novel, making me flip pages after pages, right into the night, until my eyes grew tired and cannot take it any longer before I dozed off in front of the book. Such a thrilling ride and such an enriching way to pass time...!
And such a good way to take my mind off things.
I was recently told that I have been losing my tempers too easily and I got worked up too much. I was also told that I am too highly strung.
Not a very healthy state of mind actually.
I wonder if its my job, or my personal issues or my boredom that is driving me to such an constant frustrations.
Maybe its time for me to go for a holiday..
Friday, July 21, 2006
Point of no return?
Have you ever got the feeling that the whole world is out to get you? Moments when everyone and everything seem to go against you and is out to hurt you.How about moments when you are so filled with anger and hatred that you just want to destroy whatever and whoever that crosses your path? Moments when you just want to explode and eliminate anything and everything.
that comes across your path.
And then implode cos you cannot find an outlet for your explosion. Implode, until you cannot feel anymore, when everything is dead.
When you are dead.
And then nothing matters anymore. Only dust and ashes.
Nothing.
Sometimes the feeling is so strong that you have no idea what to do. The more anger there is, the stronger the hatred and the more powerful the exlosion and the more painful the implosion.
Its like a glass cage. All the hatred and anger and pain are kept inside, filled to the brim. The only thing that is preventing the emotions from spilling out is a thin layer of rationality, but its disappearing fast.
And then it will be the point of no return.
Everything gets destroyed and I am no more.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Impossible is something
Stress, stress..
I need an avenue to dispense my energy and my troubles.
And to dispel my stress.
And to get rid of my ever growing tummy.
All of which seem impossible....
I need an avenue to dispense my energy and my troubles.
And to dispel my stress.
And to get rid of my ever growing tummy.
All of which seem impossible....
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Smoking and me
I am always bewildered by why on earth do people smoke. Let see.
First of all, smoking kills. Which everyone knows.. It totally wreck your heath and screw up your body, especially your lungs. For goodness sake, you are breathing in tar, the same substance that roads are made up off! What good can it do your body..!
Secondly, its damn expensive to smoke in Singapore. The duty, the GST are enough to kill you every month if you smoke. Its akin to dumping your money into an abyss. The more you throw in, the more you will want to get throw in, cos of the addiction.
Thirdly, it destroy your image. I mean, how good can you look or how cool can it be to have a thin stick of rolled up leaves in between your fingers when you are talking or walking. In my opinion, I think it makes the smoker look weak and also foolish. Weak cos you are giving in to temptation and foolish cos the smoker is wasting his health and wealth, the 2 things that are high on my list of priorities.
The list can go on forever. Conclusion: I find smoking an abhorrent, loathsome and disgusting habit. And the smoker a weak and foolish individual.
My disdain for smoking and smokers still holds and thats why I am ashamed to say that for the past few months, I was actually tempted to take a stick of cig from my colleagues and start puffing away.
You see, about 80% of my company smoke. The big boss himself even smoke in his own office, in the air con area. I still remember the first day when I came to work, my nose was very sensitive and I smelled a strong stench of cig smoke. I asked around but no one was willing to offer me the reason or they did not smell any cig stench in the company, even though I distinctly stressed that I really did smell it. After a few weeks, I realized who caused the stench and then after a few months, I could not smell anything anymore. Cos I was already used to the smell and it no longer tickled my nostrils.
I am surrounded by smokers everyday, although I do not join them in their smoking breaks. A couple of times, however, when a bunch of my colleagues went to "take five", as they called their smoking sessions, I also joined them, cos I needed a break from my work. Besides, it was lunch hour. Out of curiousty, I toyed with their cig and their lighters and out of mischief, they offered me a stick. Of course I turned them down.
But then recently, my work load seemed to have increase. With all the confusions in my work and all the screw-ups in my operations, I have been feeling very stressed up.
My colleague, on seeing me so stressed up, teased me. "Here, have a stick, relax and maybe later you got more energy."
I was ashamed to say that I actually really felt like taking up her offer. If not for the fact that I was still held up by some work, I would have perhaps join her and start puffing and killing myself away.
The first thing that came to my mind was, I really need a break. The second thing that came to my mind was, they looked so relax. The third thing that came to my mind was, smoking really helped them to relax. The last thing that came to my mind was, I will be able to break the habit anytime I want.
The most important thing that never actually came to my mind was, smoking is an addiction and it kills.
I think I seriously need some form of distractions and relaxation.
First of all, smoking kills. Which everyone knows.. It totally wreck your heath and screw up your body, especially your lungs. For goodness sake, you are breathing in tar, the same substance that roads are made up off! What good can it do your body..!Secondly, its damn expensive to smoke in Singapore. The duty, the GST are enough to kill you every month if you smoke. Its akin to dumping your money into an abyss. The more you throw in, the more you will want to get throw in, cos of the addiction.
Thirdly, it destroy your image. I mean, how good can you look or how cool can it be to have a thin stick of rolled up leaves in between your fingers when you are talking or walking. In my opinion, I think it makes the smoker look weak and also foolish. Weak cos you are giving in to temptation and foolish cos the smoker is wasting his health and wealth, the 2 things that are high on my list of priorities.
The list can go on forever. Conclusion: I find smoking an abhorrent, loathsome and disgusting habit. And the smoker a weak and foolish individual.
My disdain for smoking and smokers still holds and thats why I am ashamed to say that for the past few months, I was actually tempted to take a stick of cig from my colleagues and start puffing away.
You see, about 80% of my company smoke. The big boss himself even smoke in his own office, in the air con area. I still remember the first day when I came to work, my nose was very sensitive and I smelled a strong stench of cig smoke. I asked around but no one was willing to offer me the reason or they did not smell any cig stench in the company, even though I distinctly stressed that I really did smell it. After a few weeks, I realized who caused the stench and then after a few months, I could not smell anything anymore. Cos I was already used to the smell and it no longer tickled my nostrils.
I am surrounded by smokers everyday, although I do not join them in their smoking breaks. A couple of times, however, when a bunch of my colleagues went to "take five", as they called their smoking sessions, I also joined them, cos I needed a break from my work. Besides, it was lunch hour. Out of curiousty, I toyed with their cig and their lighters and out of mischief, they offered me a stick. Of course I turned them down.
But then recently, my work load seemed to have increase. With all the confusions in my work and all the screw-ups in my operations, I have been feeling very stressed up.
My colleague, on seeing me so stressed up, teased me. "Here, have a stick, relax and maybe later you got more energy."
I was ashamed to say that I actually really felt like taking up her offer. If not for the fact that I was still held up by some work, I would have perhaps join her and start puffing and killing myself away.
The first thing that came to my mind was, I really need a break. The second thing that came to my mind was, they looked so relax. The third thing that came to my mind was, smoking really helped them to relax. The last thing that came to my mind was, I will be able to break the habit anytime I want.
The most important thing that never actually came to my mind was, smoking is an addiction and it kills.
I think I seriously need some form of distractions and relaxation.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The news and me
Its been a long time since I watched the news. Sometimes I wonder in amazement how I ever know what is going around in the world since I never read newspaper, never watch the news and stuff that enable people to keep up with whatever that was happening in the globe that I call Earth. Yes, I wonder in amazement at myself.
I know, I am disgustingly thick skinned sometimes.
Anyway, to save you readers from throwing up from my narcissism, lets just contiunue my story-telling that I know you, my fans, love to read.
As I was saying, I never really watch the news. Tonight was an exception cos I was bored, really bored. Also, I came home early. And since I could not find anyone online to entertain me, and I have just finished a story book that I borrowed over the weekend, I figured I might as well switch on the idiot box and be an idiot for the night.
And watched the news.
The more I watched, the more I wonder if any viewers were affected at all by the news. And the state of the world at the moment.
First it was the tsunami in Indonesia, then it was the ever intensifying crisis in Israel and ex cetra, ex cetra. Events that forever changed the lives of many people.
And it was also then that I realized how human lives have become mere statistics. Just mere numbers, dehumanized and whitewashed into a report and then protrayed on a screen, which the newscaster reported and the viewers watched, barely giving a fleeting thought on the lives that were forever changed by the events that were being reported.
What have we become? Its so tragic..
And I am not only referring to the events that I watched on the idiot box.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Ozzie and my left heel
I scrapped my left heel today. And its all Ozzie's fault. Darn dog.
I was in the toilet brushing my hair when she decided to join me too. The thing is, she will mop around the toilet's floor whenever she is inside the toilet and so in order to make sure that she do not come into the toilet, I held onto the door of the toilet while making sure that she cannot squeeze through the door.
After finishing brushing my hair, I tried to shoo her out from the door frame and close the door at the same time, forgetting that my left leg was still inside the toilet, even though my body was outside.
And so the inevitable happened.
I closed the the door while pulling my leg out at the same time. The edge of the door scrapped against my left heel, hard, dragging a piece of my skin away. Ouch!
I jumped out of the toilet, cursing and swearing at Ozzie, who was standing outside the toilet, staring curiously at me. I limped to the dinning area and looked at my wound. There was a raw patch of flesh on my left heel and it was bleeding. It was so darn painful that I could not talk.
I looked at Ozzie.
She looked back at me.
Then she turned away and walked off.
I hate the dog.
I was in the toilet brushing my hair when she decided to join me too. The thing is, she will mop around the toilet's floor whenever she is inside the toilet and so in order to make sure that she do not come into the toilet, I held onto the door of the toilet while making sure that she cannot squeeze through the door.
After finishing brushing my hair, I tried to shoo her out from the door frame and close the door at the same time, forgetting that my left leg was still inside the toilet, even though my body was outside.
And so the inevitable happened.
I closed the the door while pulling my leg out at the same time. The edge of the door scrapped against my left heel, hard, dragging a piece of my skin away. Ouch!
I jumped out of the toilet, cursing and swearing at Ozzie, who was standing outside the toilet, staring curiously at me. I limped to the dinning area and looked at my wound. There was a raw patch of flesh on my left heel and it was bleeding. It was so darn painful that I could not talk.
I looked at Ozzie.
She looked back at me.
Then she turned away and walked off.
I hate the dog.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Walk Away
Hey girl, what is the matter you're crying your heart out again
Don't lie girl, this was not some accident, your bruises they give you away.
Your face sighs in shades of purple, your eyes tell a story of pain
Walk away, you're worth more than he'll ever realize, baby walk away.
Spare yourself this pain, can't you see that he's not worth it?
You're not mean to be treated this way, baby walk away.
You say that you really love him, you say that he'll notice someday
But your face still sighs in the purple, your eyes tells a story of shame, walk away
You're worth more than he'll ever realize baby walk away, spare yourself this pain,
Can't you see that he's not worth it?
You've been waiting for his love for so many years
well girl, you may not live to see that day.
baby walk away. your not meant to be treated this way.
baby walk away. baby walk away. baby walk away.
Illusions
Nothing is what it seems. There are so many things in this world that are so superficial, but yet deep underneath, there are strong undercurrents that are totally unrelated to what are on the surface.
Like a peaceful lake, the unmoving and still water on the surface. Yet beneath the above calm, the currents are so strong that it will sweep away anything stubborn enough to wade into it.
Illusions, everything that we are seeing are just illusions. Everything that you see or own or do are just going to end sooner or later and by then there slhall be nothing left. Just basically dust and skeletons. Nothing that I ever own is ever mine. And no one who ever owns me is ever going to have me.
You see a couple, happily in love and happily playing and fooling with each other now. 10 years down the road, they might have split and gone their separate ways. You see a dog happily jumping and catching something seemingly non-existant in the air and then 5 years down the road, its not alive anymore, gone to a better place, perhaps.
Everything that ever exist or have ever existed are just so temporary. Its only a matter of time before it got destroyed or self destruct.
If thats the case, then why are we doing what we are doing everyday? Chasing dreams, pursuing love, holding to hope..
Cos in the end, nothing is going to matter. Everything that we are seeing are just illusions.
And sooner or later, everything will just be forgotten.
Like a peaceful lake, the unmoving and still water on the surface. Yet beneath the above calm, the currents are so strong that it will sweep away anything stubborn enough to wade into it.
Illusions, everything that we are seeing are just illusions. Everything that you see or own or do are just going to end sooner or later and by then there slhall be nothing left. Just basically dust and skeletons. Nothing that I ever own is ever mine. And no one who ever owns me is ever going to have me.
You see a couple, happily in love and happily playing and fooling with each other now. 10 years down the road, they might have split and gone their separate ways. You see a dog happily jumping and catching something seemingly non-existant in the air and then 5 years down the road, its not alive anymore, gone to a better place, perhaps.
Everything that ever exist or have ever existed are just so temporary. Its only a matter of time before it got destroyed or self destruct.
If thats the case, then why are we doing what we are doing everyday? Chasing dreams, pursuing love, holding to hope..
Cos in the end, nothing is going to matter. Everything that we are seeing are just illusions.
And sooner or later, everything will just be forgotten.
光辉岁月
I know I have posted the lyrics of this song before but this is the video.
You really have to listen to the song to know how good Beyond were in those days..
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The 3 stooges
I attended a crash course in history lesson yesterday. The funniest thing was that the person who gave me a brief outline of the history of Asian countries was actually my customer. Haha!
It was a business lunch and there were 5 persons attending, my boss, me, my customers. Lets call them the 3 stooges, which is really befitting for them. They totally resembled the 3 stooges.
All of them were almost bald.
When we reached the restaurant, they were sitting at the first table, facing the entrance, looking very much like some balding statues.. I almost burst out laughing when I stepped into the restaurant! Thinking back, I still feel like laughing here again!! Hahaha!!
Stooge number 1 (S1): The GM of the company. He is the most eloquent of them all and had the best general knowledge. He was a very analytical man and wass able ot provide very insightful analysis of a particular situation. He would be able to tell you a very insightful analysis of why the car COEs were dropping or why the M'sia's crooked bridge was never gonna work, even if the M'sia was willing to throw money into the project. And he looked very grandfatherly, and was quite a warm person. But never make the mistake of rebutting him on a subject that you were not familar with cos he would argue with you until the sky dropped down and make sure that you eat back your words. Amongst the 3 of them, he was the most interesting character and I liked talking to him most. If it were not for the time constraint, I would certainly enjoy sparring with him intellectually.
Stooge number 2 (S2): A manager of the company. He was also quite an interesting character. His mannerism and the way he dressed always reminded me of a certain comic character, with the black button-up suit that belonged to the hippie era. He looked like an Indonesian. He was also very knowledgeable but he always was more interested in the food on the table than on the topics that was being discussed, making you think that he is a pushover, which he certainly was not.
Stooge number 3 (S3): An operational supervisor. He used to be a M'sian but he liked Singapore so much that he willingly surrendered his M'sia citizenship in exchange for a pink IC here. He was also more interested in the food on the table most of time but he also did provide some very colourful examples relating to what was being discussed on the table.
As usual our main discussion revolves around cars. The topics that we talked about included stuff like "Do you think the COEs are going to rise? Who is doing the transportation for Renault? Is VW going to.....?"
And as usual our discussion would evolve into a discussion on politics for some reason. Perhaps cos the car industry is so much controlled by the government cos its such a lucrative source of revenue for the government.
Anyway, S1 was so into talking about history, politics and stuff that he actually spent an hour or two talking about the history of Singapore, the history of M'sia, Indonesia, Sri Langka, Thailand etc.
Alone.
Cos, me and boss were just looking at him while we ate while the other 2 stooges were more interested in the food on the table. Heh! Heck, he even knew how to pronounce the name of a certain king which he attributed to the reason why Sri Langka is not progressing now! I didn't even know that such a weird name existed!
And then I made the stupid error and asked a question which made him so agitated that his speech just continued on and on. Haha!
S3 was comparing Taiwan and Singapore and I opened my big mouth and said, "Singapore is different, we are so controlled."
S1 became very agitated and was all worked up. Gosh, I never know that he would actually be so worked up! Its kinda disturbing actually.
"You have to be glad that Singapore is so controlled. The reason why you are able to say that is cos you are educated and is able to differentiate between whats right and wrong. Do you know that there are actually a lot of Singaporeans who are not able to do that. You have to guide them in all their actions and ensure that they do not make some silly stupid mistakes. There is this layer of non-educated Singaporeans who are not able to differentiate between whats supposed to be done and whats not supposed to be done and for every little thing, they will blame the government. If you compare HKers and us, we will die first cos we are not streetsmart. For every things that we are not happy about, we will blame our government and for every thing that do not work according our way, we will ask help from the government. HKers are cynical people and thats why they do not ask for help from their government, they learn and is more independent. We are not. Thats why at the end of the day, we have to be controlled. I rather lose my freedom and live in a organised society than to live in a free but constanly feared society."
That was just a tiny percentage of what he was talking during the whole lunch.. Kaoz...
I actually had lots of things to rebut him on that but I turned around to look at my boss and could see that he was looking rather disturbed and yet trying to stifle his laughter at the same time. Hahaha!
When we came out of the restaurant. I exclaimed, "Kaoz! History lesson ah!"
Boss burst our laughing and could not stop.. Haha!
At the end of the day, we did not accomplish much that day other than meeting with them and enjoying our food..
Incidentally, according to S1 as to why M'sia will not be able to carry out the crooked bridge, he said its a simple matter of physics. According to him, a train can only climb 1 degree gradient as it advances a certain distance. Implying that a bridge that is too steep will never be able to allow for any friction cos its steel on steel. As such, a bridge that is climbing has to be very long to allow a train to travel on it.
If anyone here is interested..
*shrug*
It was a business lunch and there were 5 persons attending, my boss, me, my customers. Lets call them the 3 stooges, which is really befitting for them. They totally resembled the 3 stooges.
All of them were almost bald.
When we reached the restaurant, they were sitting at the first table, facing the entrance, looking very much like some balding statues.. I almost burst out laughing when I stepped into the restaurant! Thinking back, I still feel like laughing here again!! Hahaha!!
Stooge number 1 (S1): The GM of the company. He is the most eloquent of them all and had the best general knowledge. He was a very analytical man and wass able ot provide very insightful analysis of a particular situation. He would be able to tell you a very insightful analysis of why the car COEs were dropping or why the M'sia's crooked bridge was never gonna work, even if the M'sia was willing to throw money into the project. And he looked very grandfatherly, and was quite a warm person. But never make the mistake of rebutting him on a subject that you were not familar with cos he would argue with you until the sky dropped down and make sure that you eat back your words. Amongst the 3 of them, he was the most interesting character and I liked talking to him most. If it were not for the time constraint, I would certainly enjoy sparring with him intellectually.
Stooge number 2 (S2): A manager of the company. He was also quite an interesting character. His mannerism and the way he dressed always reminded me of a certain comic character, with the black button-up suit that belonged to the hippie era. He looked like an Indonesian. He was also very knowledgeable but he always was more interested in the food on the table than on the topics that was being discussed, making you think that he is a pushover, which he certainly was not.
Stooge number 3 (S3): An operational supervisor. He used to be a M'sian but he liked Singapore so much that he willingly surrendered his M'sia citizenship in exchange for a pink IC here. He was also more interested in the food on the table most of time but he also did provide some very colourful examples relating to what was being discussed on the table.
As usual our main discussion revolves around cars. The topics that we talked about included stuff like "Do you think the COEs are going to rise? Who is doing the transportation for Renault? Is VW going to.....?"
And as usual our discussion would evolve into a discussion on politics for some reason. Perhaps cos the car industry is so much controlled by the government cos its such a lucrative source of revenue for the government.
Anyway, S1 was so into talking about history, politics and stuff that he actually spent an hour or two talking about the history of Singapore, the history of M'sia, Indonesia, Sri Langka, Thailand etc.
Alone.
Cos, me and boss were just looking at him while we ate while the other 2 stooges were more interested in the food on the table. Heh! Heck, he even knew how to pronounce the name of a certain king which he attributed to the reason why Sri Langka is not progressing now! I didn't even know that such a weird name existed!
And then I made the stupid error and asked a question which made him so agitated that his speech just continued on and on. Haha!
S3 was comparing Taiwan and Singapore and I opened my big mouth and said, "Singapore is different, we are so controlled."
S1 became very agitated and was all worked up. Gosh, I never know that he would actually be so worked up! Its kinda disturbing actually.
"You have to be glad that Singapore is so controlled. The reason why you are able to say that is cos you are educated and is able to differentiate between whats right and wrong. Do you know that there are actually a lot of Singaporeans who are not able to do that. You have to guide them in all their actions and ensure that they do not make some silly stupid mistakes. There is this layer of non-educated Singaporeans who are not able to differentiate between whats supposed to be done and whats not supposed to be done and for every little thing, they will blame the government. If you compare HKers and us, we will die first cos we are not streetsmart. For every things that we are not happy about, we will blame our government and for every thing that do not work according our way, we will ask help from the government. HKers are cynical people and thats why they do not ask for help from their government, they learn and is more independent. We are not. Thats why at the end of the day, we have to be controlled. I rather lose my freedom and live in a organised society than to live in a free but constanly feared society."
That was just a tiny percentage of what he was talking during the whole lunch.. Kaoz...
I actually had lots of things to rebut him on that but I turned around to look at my boss and could see that he was looking rather disturbed and yet trying to stifle his laughter at the same time. Hahaha!
When we came out of the restaurant. I exclaimed, "Kaoz! History lesson ah!"
Boss burst our laughing and could not stop.. Haha!
At the end of the day, we did not accomplish much that day other than meeting with them and enjoying our food..
Incidentally, according to S1 as to why M'sia will not be able to carry out the crooked bridge, he said its a simple matter of physics. According to him, a train can only climb 1 degree gradient as it advances a certain distance. Implying that a bridge that is too steep will never be able to allow for any friction cos its steel on steel. As such, a bridge that is climbing has to be very long to allow a train to travel on it.
If anyone here is interested..
*shrug*
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Bleeding
You know sometimes when you got the idea that you are just not needed anymore. When whatever that you have done is enough and its not gonna change anything.
Then its time to let go cos holding on to it is too tiring and too heavy and if you do not let it go, its gonna pull you down into an abyss of forlornness since you just do not have the energy to fight it anymore.
Thats when you decided to give up. Even though the idea is so harsh and so painful. Giving up cos you have finallly realized that you are not needed anymore.
Feelings are dying and finally dead. Then again, Not knowing what you are feeling is not the same as not feeling.
So what if I am not able to decipher what I am feeling at the moment or even if I am feeling anything at the moment?
The most ironic part is that at the end of it all, at the end of whatever that had happened, there is only a lingering ache. A throbbing ache that all that had happened have just turned into ashes and blown away by the wind. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And the most painful part about giving up is that the person that you are giving up does not seem to care, nor even make the effort to fanthom the rational for this surrendering of hope or feelings. It just hurt so much to know that your importance is just so miniscule and so redundant. So worthless, so meaningless.
There is a very thin line between love and hate and when you have crossed the line, you remain crossed over, unable to return and is forever marooned on the other side, whichever the side is.
At the end of it all, you are just a puppet, just an entertainment item. An object, something that is meant for distraction and nothing else. Your feelings do not matter and will never matter. Nothing about you matters. The trust, the tears, the mistakes, the guilt, they do not even exist at all.
When you think about this, whatever that was said or done previously just does not seem to matter anymore. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And yet, if given the choice, you will still walk back the same route that lead you back to the same path.
How foolish..
Then its time to let go cos holding on to it is too tiring and too heavy and if you do not let it go, its gonna pull you down into an abyss of forlornness since you just do not have the energy to fight it anymore.
Thats when you decided to give up. Even though the idea is so harsh and so painful. Giving up cos you have finallly realized that you are not needed anymore.
Feelings are dying and finally dead. Then again, Not knowing what you are feeling is not the same as not feeling. So what if I am not able to decipher what I am feeling at the moment or even if I am feeling anything at the moment?
The most ironic part is that at the end of it all, at the end of whatever that had happened, there is only a lingering ache. A throbbing ache that all that had happened have just turned into ashes and blown away by the wind. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And the most painful part about giving up is that the person that you are giving up does not seem to care, nor even make the effort to fanthom the rational for this surrendering of hope or feelings. It just hurt so much to know that your importance is just so miniscule and so redundant. So worthless, so meaningless.
There is a very thin line between love and hate and when you have crossed the line, you remain crossed over, unable to return and is forever marooned on the other side, whichever the side is.
At the end of it all, you are just a puppet, just an entertainment item. An object, something that is meant for distraction and nothing else. Your feelings do not matter and will never matter. Nothing about you matters. The trust, the tears, the mistakes, the guilt, they do not even exist at all.
When you think about this, whatever that was said or done previously just does not seem to matter anymore. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And yet, if given the choice, you will still walk back the same route that lead you back to the same path.
How foolish..
Monday, July 10, 2006
Where are you?
Someone once told me this:
"I cannot express myself well and the only way I can express myself is through the lyrics of the songs that I listen to."
For all the times that I have written in this little corner of mine, there are yet so many other times when I find it difficult to express myself. Times when I feel that nothing is ever enough.
For each entry that I have posted here, there are yet so many entries that I have written and then discarded cos I find them irrelevant to what I really want to say at a precise moment.
For every words that I have written in this little corner of mine, there are yet so many words that I was not able to think of in order to express what I really mean. Words that I want others to know and yet unable to think of cos they seem to be fleeing from me. No matter how hard I try to think of a most suitable word, it always seem inadequate.
Its so suffocating. I am constantly feeling a dull ache in me. An ache that has been there for the longest time that I have no idea how to get rid of it. I wonder if one day, the ache will mutate into a sharp pain and kill me. Perhaps its just as well. A short sharp pain is so much better than a long prolonging dull pain.
"I cannot express myself well and the only way I can express myself is through the lyrics of the songs that I listen to."
For all the times that I have written in this little corner of mine, there are yet so many other times when I find it difficult to express myself. Times when I feel that nothing is ever enough.
For each entry that I have posted here, there are yet so many entries that I have written and then discarded cos I find them irrelevant to what I really want to say at a precise moment.
For every words that I have written in this little corner of mine, there are yet so many words that I was not able to think of in order to express what I really mean. Words that I want others to know and yet unable to think of cos they seem to be fleeing from me. No matter how hard I try to think of a most suitable word, it always seem inadequate.
Its so suffocating. I am constantly feeling a dull ache in me. An ache that has been there for the longest time that I have no idea how to get rid of it. I wonder if one day, the ache will mutate into a sharp pain and kill me. Perhaps its just as well. A short sharp pain is so much better than a long prolonging dull pain.
Never gonna leave your side
Ok, mr corny, this is for you.
I feel like a song without the words, a man without a soul, a bird without its wings, a heart without a home.
I feel like a knight without a sword, a sky without the sun, cause you are the one.
I feel like a ship beneath the waves, a child who's lost its way, a door without a key, a face without a name.
I feel like a breath without the air, and everyday's the same, since you've gone away.
I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face.
There are no words that could describe how I miss you;
I miss you, everyday. Yeah
And I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
still holding on, girl, I won't let you go,
Cause when I'm lying in your arms I know I'm home.
They tell me that a man can lose his mind / living in the pain.
Recallin' times gone by, I'm crying in the rain.
You know I've wasted half the time and I'm on my knees again.
'Til you come to me. Yeah.
I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face.
There are no words that could describe how I miss you.
And I miss you, everyday.
And I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go.
Lay my head against your heart, I know I'm home.
I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go.
Cause when I'm lying in your arms I know I'm home.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Someday we will be together
(Watch the video till the end to get the whole story of what happened)
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
Bored again
Its the Sunday again and I am up early again. For some reason, I have not been able to sleep well during Saturday nights and will wake up on early Sunday morning, no matter how late I slept the night before.
There are just too many things on my mind at the moment.
My work. I think my portfolio is going to change again, more duties added, although my boss keep saying that its not a lot. More work and more responsiblities but the pay is still the same. Maybe its time I make known to my boss that my pay is too low for the amount of effort that I am putting into my work.
Back to my plans for the day.
I have so many things to do today and yet so little energy to do it. For one, I need to finish up my outstanding proposal for my boss. For the other, I need to do some laundry. Damn, I hate washing clothes.. And then for the third, I have to source for a huge piece of cork to display some stupid windbreaker at my office.. Anyone got any idea where to get a large piece of flat cork to mount on the wall for display of items? Any help will be very welcome!
I feel like going out today, just spend the day out of my warm and humid house. The afternoon heat is getting really bad. It was so bad yesterday that I was burning up a little during my afternoon nap. And I felt lethagic the whole day. Phew.
Maybe I should go out and shop today. But that would mean spending more money, which I should really refrain from doing.. I am becoming a shopaholic! Spending on things that I do not need, just spending for the sake of spending, damn.....
Or maybe I should just go finish up my proposal and then go for a swim or a jog in the evening. Goodness knows how much weight I have put on during the past couple of months. Argh. When will I ever slim down! Its so unfair!
And that, my friend, is the ramblings of a bored girl on an early Sunday.
There are just too many things on my mind at the moment.
My work. I think my portfolio is going to change again, more duties added, although my boss keep saying that its not a lot. More work and more responsiblities but the pay is still the same. Maybe its time I make known to my boss that my pay is too low for the amount of effort that I am putting into my work.
Back to my plans for the day.
I have so many things to do today and yet so little energy to do it. For one, I need to finish up my outstanding proposal for my boss. For the other, I need to do some laundry. Damn, I hate washing clothes.. And then for the third, I have to source for a huge piece of cork to display some stupid windbreaker at my office.. Anyone got any idea where to get a large piece of flat cork to mount on the wall for display of items? Any help will be very welcome!I feel like going out today, just spend the day out of my warm and humid house. The afternoon heat is getting really bad. It was so bad yesterday that I was burning up a little during my afternoon nap. And I felt lethagic the whole day. Phew.
Maybe I should go out and shop today. But that would mean spending more money, which I should really refrain from doing.. I am becoming a shopaholic! Spending on things that I do not need, just spending for the sake of spending, damn.....
Or maybe I should just go finish up my proposal and then go for a swim or a jog in the evening. Goodness knows how much weight I have put on during the past couple of months. Argh. When will I ever slim down! Its so unfair!
And that, my friend, is the ramblings of a bored girl on an early Sunday.
Falls Apart
She falls apart by herself
No ones there to talk or understand
Feels sustained, dries here eyes
Finds herself, opens the door inside
People see right through you
Everyone who knew you well
Falls apart, might as well
Day is long and nothing is wasteful
Runaway runaway
Hold, hold you but you're going away
Runaway runaway
Hold you tomorrow but you're leaving today
You walk along by yourself
There's no sound, nothing is changing
Been gone away, left you there
Emptiness is nothing you can't share
All those words that hurt you
More than you would let it show
Comes apart, by yourself
All is well and everything is wasted
Sometimes we'll feel around and this dance instead can't be down
All the sound of me on my own
Any sound of me again it's time away surround around a friend
I know where I know where no where to runaway
She falls apart, no one there
Hold her hand, it seems to disappear
Falls apart, might as well
Day is long and nothing is wasted
Runaway runaway
Hold hold you but you're going away
Runaway runaway
Hold you tomorrow but you're leaving today
Runaway Runaway
Hold hold you but your going away
But you're leaving today, but you're leaving today
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I am Singaporean
I grew up in a three room flat, on the eight floor. I got my first education with the PAP kindergarten. I wore a full piece pinafore with a red tie and my mum would bring me to the classroom which was only a block away.
I went to a neighbour primary school with a big school bag. Throughout my 6 years of primary education, there would be 2 huge photographs of our president and his wife on top of the black board of the classroom.
I never know how to speak English until I went to primary school. Even going to the toilet was tough cos the teacher would only recognize English and would not allow me to go unless I converse what I wanted to her in English and that included telling her I need to pee in English.
My results were average and I went to a local secondary school and then proceeded to a neighbourhood junior college. I never could distinguish between "neighbourhood schools" and the 'non-neighboourhood schools' cos all schools are located in neighbourhoods. The only thing that I can make sense of is that they are just politically correct terms for good and bad schools. Implying that I went to bad schools.
I am a Chinese girl, bred by Chinese speaking parents who talk to each other in Teochew. I can handle English better than Chinese. Most of the Chinese characters recognize me but I never recognize them.
I am a Hock Chew but I never know how to speak in my native tongue. I was told that my mother tongue is Chinese though my own mother don even speak Mandarin nor write Chinese well.
After graduating with honors and was in the workforce for 4 years, I still have not save enough to own an apartment or a car. I distinctly remembered my parents telling me to study hard so that I can earn big bucks. I studied very hard, graduated but still have yet to find my big bucks.
I had the chance to vote when I turned 21 but lost the chance when I lost my identity card 3 days before the voting day.
My parents paid my school bills in full and I do not have any debts unlike my peers who already are in debts before they even enter the workforce.
I got my membership for the SDU automatically after I graduate without knowing how or why. I never really understand why me getting into a relationship is the business of my government.
I survived my PSLE, O levels, almost did not survive my A Levels and then got through my degree.
I am a true blue Singaporean, born and brought up with kopitiams, SBC/TCS chinese drama serials, HDB flats and the Singlish language. Tranportation fare increments are known as fare revision. Casinos are known as Integrated Resorts, a strong mandate is 66.6%, and a peanut here is worth $600,000.
I grew up in a 3 room HDB flat and had my education in neighbourhood schools.
I have 3 names; Chinese name, English name and Dialect name.
I am 张晶华 and Zhang Jing Hua and Teo Chin Wah.
And I am a Singaporean.
So says we all.
So says we all.
(In response to mr brown's iamsingaporean entry)
I went to a neighbour primary school with a big school bag. Throughout my 6 years of primary education, there would be 2 huge photographs of our president and his wife on top of the black board of the classroom.
I never know how to speak English until I went to primary school. Even going to the toilet was tough cos the teacher would only recognize English and would not allow me to go unless I converse what I wanted to her in English and that included telling her I need to pee in English.
My results were average and I went to a local secondary school and then proceeded to a neighbourhood junior college. I never could distinguish between "neighbourhood schools" and the 'non-neighboourhood schools' cos all schools are located in neighbourhoods. The only thing that I can make sense of is that they are just politically correct terms for good and bad schools. Implying that I went to bad schools.
I am a Chinese girl, bred by Chinese speaking parents who talk to each other in Teochew. I can handle English better than Chinese. Most of the Chinese characters recognize me but I never recognize them.
I am a Hock Chew but I never know how to speak in my native tongue. I was told that my mother tongue is Chinese though my own mother don even speak Mandarin nor write Chinese well.
After graduating with honors and was in the workforce for 4 years, I still have not save enough to own an apartment or a car. I distinctly remembered my parents telling me to study hard so that I can earn big bucks. I studied very hard, graduated but still have yet to find my big bucks.
I had the chance to vote when I turned 21 but lost the chance when I lost my identity card 3 days before the voting day.
My parents paid my school bills in full and I do not have any debts unlike my peers who already are in debts before they even enter the workforce.
I got my membership for the SDU automatically after I graduate without knowing how or why. I never really understand why me getting into a relationship is the business of my government.
I survived my PSLE, O levels, almost did not survive my A Levels and then got through my degree.
I am a true blue Singaporean, born and brought up with kopitiams, SBC/TCS chinese drama serials, HDB flats and the Singlish language. Tranportation fare increments are known as fare revision. Casinos are known as Integrated Resorts, a strong mandate is 66.6%, and a peanut here is worth $600,000.
I grew up in a 3 room HDB flat and had my education in neighbourhood schools.
I have 3 names; Chinese name, English name and Dialect name.
I am 张晶华 and Zhang Jing Hua and Teo Chin Wah.
And I am a Singaporean.
So says we all.
So says we all.
(In response to mr brown's iamsingaporean entry)
Redhead and Big Foot (part 2)
In continuation of my previous Redhead and Big Foot narrations, I told my mum that she really has to watch the plant that I gave her last week.
"Ma, you have to look after the plant well ok. Cos I bought for you and if the plant is dead, then I am dead as well. Haha."
"Choy choy! Touch wood! Don anyhow say things!"
She almost ended up slapping me in the face for saying that.
I love doing this to my mum, heh.
"Ma, you have to look after the plant well ok. Cos I bought for you and if the plant is dead, then I am dead as well. Haha."
"Choy choy! Touch wood! Don anyhow say things!"
She almost ended up slapping me in the face for saying that.
I love doing this to my mum, heh.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Redhead and Big Foot
I bought a potted plant for my mum today on the way back from Ikea tonight while I was there to get some picture frames for my office. Each freaking frame measured 40cm by 50cm and weighed like 500 gm. And I got not one, not two but six freaking frames.. Yes, six! And that would weighed about 3kg in total! Argh.. It was not so much of the weight but rather the size.
All thanks to my boss who asked me to decorate our new office.
Anyway, I digressed. I was supposed to be talking my experience while buying a potted plant.
I was on my way to the checking out counters with the shoppping cart, containing the six freaking frames when I passed by the Potted Plant section. It seems like there were quite a lot of very interesting sections in Ikea. There is the Wooden section where one can get wooden planks to create cabinets of one's choice, the Mirror sections, with its many very fun and interesting mirrors, the Chair sections with all the chairs nailed high up on the gigantic shelves, as if most of us are tall enough to reach and see the tags on the items and the Kitchen sections, with all the very interesting looking kitchen accessories.
And I appologized for my digression again.
As I was saying, I was on the way to the check-out counters when I passed by the Potted plant section. I was attracted by the cute looking small pots of catus. There was one particular type of catus with a huge redhead. The thing had a green stem that was about 10 cm high and had a red colour thingy at the top. It certainly looked very cute and so I thought I would just get one for my mum. For some reason my mum likes to grow plants and it have to be green plants that do not have flowers. I have a weird green-finger mum. So I thought the catus would be perfect. It is green, which suit her taste and has a red head which will add a little touch of colour to her little collection of plants.
And then came the difficult part.
The cute little redhead was right in the middle of a shelf catuses. In the middle! In order to take little redhead out to have a look, I had to reach through a shelf of catuses with all the pins and needles.
How cool can take be.......
I was pricked a couple of times, just to get redhead out.
That was not the worse thing.
After taking the cute little redhead out of the sea of catuses, I decided that it was not so cute after all cos I found something even more interesting.
A plant which I shall call it big foot. This little pot of plant is about 20cm high and has fat twisted stem with very green and smooth and shiny leaves. It looked so weird and funny that I think my mum would like it, not cos I think she is a weird lady due to her weird taste for plants but also cos my mum likes any plants that have leaves with no flowers.
Now if thats not a weird plant, I have no idea what will constitute a weird plant...
All thanks to my boss who asked me to decorate our new office.
Anyway, I digressed. I was supposed to be talking my experience while buying a potted plant.
I was on my way to the checking out counters with the shoppping cart, containing the six freaking frames when I passed by the Potted Plant section. It seems like there were quite a lot of very interesting sections in Ikea. There is the Wooden section where one can get wooden planks to create cabinets of one's choice, the Mirror sections, with its many very fun and interesting mirrors, the Chair sections with all the chairs nailed high up on the gigantic shelves, as if most of us are tall enough to reach and see the tags on the items and the Kitchen sections, with all the very interesting looking kitchen accessories.
And I appologized for my digression again.
As I was saying, I was on the way to the check-out counters when I passed by the Potted plant section. I was attracted by the cute looking small pots of catus. There was one particular type of catus with a huge redhead. The thing had a green stem that was about 10 cm high and had a red colour thingy at the top. It certainly looked very cute and so I thought I would just get one for my mum. For some reason my mum likes to grow plants and it have to be green plants that do not have flowers. I have a weird green-finger mum. So I thought the catus would be perfect. It is green, which suit her taste and has a red head which will add a little touch of colour to her little collection of plants.
And then came the difficult part.
The cute little redhead was right in the middle of a shelf catuses. In the middle! In order to take little redhead out to have a look, I had to reach through a shelf of catuses with all the pins and needles.
How cool can take be.......
I was pricked a couple of times, just to get redhead out.
That was not the worse thing.
After taking the cute little redhead out of the sea of catuses, I decided that it was not so cute after all cos I found something even more interesting.
A plant which I shall call it big foot. This little pot of plant is about 20cm high and has fat twisted stem with very green and smooth and shiny leaves. It looked so weird and funny that I think my mum would like it, not cos I think she is a weird lady due to her weird taste for plants but also cos my mum likes any plants that have leaves with no flowers.
Now if thats not a weird plant, I have no idea what will constitute a weird plant...
Monday, July 03, 2006
When?
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Everyone needs a Superman
I have never really believe in retail therapy until today.
I woke up real early today, still burning rage and all filled with anger. I just could not seem to dispel my anger and its making me very very miserable. I need to find a channel to focus my anger and to let it all out. Its even affecting my sleep. I could not sleep well and had to wake up early cos of it. Its just so meaningless and yet my emotions took hold of me and I could not operate well. And the scariest thing is my anger is imploding. I actually had thoughts about hurting myself, just to bring pain to myself so that it can take perhaps take my mind off my anger. I have never felt like this before, not even when I fought my dad when I was younger. Its just crazy.
And as usual, Eelin came to my rescue. For no reason, she called me last night and asked me out, without knowing that she probably just saved me from doing more damage to myself and to the people around me when she suggested to meet up for a movie.
Of all the DC superheros, I dislike Superman the most. Perhaps cos there is just something about his cape and tights that turn me off big time. And not to mention the way the citizens were always revelling him just made him seem so egoistic...
But I must say I really enjoyed today's show. The Superman there looked so delicious! Heh! The backdrop is good cos Bryan Singer actually tried to bring the mood and details from the original Superman to the current episode. Every little details like the way Lois Lane crossed her legs when they landed after flying with Superman and how Superman liked to stand with folded hands floating in the air are true to the original. Even the huge ball of copper on top of the Daily Planet looked perfect!
It was truly a very good movie although I wished they could change something to Superman's tights and panties looking customer, right down to the red cape. The person who came up with the design of Superman's costume should really be flogged. It looked hideous..!
Although Eelin thinks otherwise. She said its a good thing that Bryan Singer kept everything to the original idea cos otherwise it would be a disappointment. Just look at the first X Men. Every DC comics fan were crying blasphemous when the costume of their superheros were changed.
I guess everyone at some point of time need a superhero. Be it imaginary or somone whom you know. Its the comfort of being able to depend on someone else for security and comfort. Its thought that when you are facing some crisis, you will be able to have someone to save you and to cradle you. Its the idea that nothing will go wrong when he is around. Perhaps thats the reason why even though Superman looked so gayish and weird in his cape and panties suit, he is still so popular. Especially during this Age of Aquarius, when technology is so advance and yet everyone is so confused, confused about the future and about security. Remember Superman sitting in his living room going through his TV watching news and seeing all the wars, terrorist attacks and shits happening in our world.
Everyone need a Superman. Its only through our belief in our own Superman that we are able to feel safe and secure.
I felt so much better after some retail therapy and movie with Eelin. For some reason she always have this ability cheer me up and to make me feel so much better, just by being there. For some reason she will call me unwittingly when I need someone to talk and to open up. She did not even know I was feeling miserable until she called me to catch a movie yesterday.
And as usual, she will always say something that will leave a strong impression on me everytime we went out.
"The level of anger that you shown towards someone will show the level of importance that you place on the person. And your anger is betraying your feelings, no matter how much you are lying to yourself."
My anger is gone, for now.
I woke up real early today, still burning rage and all filled with anger. I just could not seem to dispel my anger and its making me very very miserable. I need to find a channel to focus my anger and to let it all out. Its even affecting my sleep. I could not sleep well and had to wake up early cos of it. Its just so meaningless and yet my emotions took hold of me and I could not operate well. And the scariest thing is my anger is imploding. I actually had thoughts about hurting myself, just to bring pain to myself so that it can take perhaps take my mind off my anger. I have never felt like this before, not even when I fought my dad when I was younger. Its just crazy.
And as usual, Eelin came to my rescue. For no reason, she called me last night and asked me out, without knowing that she probably just saved me from doing more damage to myself and to the people around me when she suggested to meet up for a movie.
Of all the DC superheros, I dislike Superman the most. Perhaps cos there is just something about his cape and tights that turn me off big time. And not to mention the way the citizens were always revelling him just made him seem so egoistic...
But I must say I really enjoyed today's show. The Superman there looked so delicious! Heh! The backdrop is good cos Bryan Singer actually tried to bring the mood and details from the original Superman to the current episode. Every little details like the way Lois Lane crossed her legs when they landed after flying with Superman and how Superman liked to stand with folded hands floating in the air are true to the original. Even the huge ball of copper on top of the Daily Planet looked perfect!
It was truly a very good movie although I wished they could change something to Superman's tights and panties looking customer, right down to the red cape. The person who came up with the design of Superman's costume should really be flogged. It looked hideous..!
Although Eelin thinks otherwise. She said its a good thing that Bryan Singer kept everything to the original idea cos otherwise it would be a disappointment. Just look at the first X Men. Every DC comics fan were crying blasphemous when the costume of their superheros were changed.
I guess everyone at some point of time need a superhero. Be it imaginary or somone whom you know. Its the comfort of being able to depend on someone else for security and comfort. Its thought that when you are facing some crisis, you will be able to have someone to save you and to cradle you. Its the idea that nothing will go wrong when he is around. Perhaps thats the reason why even though Superman looked so gayish and weird in his cape and panties suit, he is still so popular. Especially during this Age of Aquarius, when technology is so advance and yet everyone is so confused, confused about the future and about security. Remember Superman sitting in his living room going through his TV watching news and seeing all the wars, terrorist attacks and shits happening in our world. Everyone need a Superman. Its only through our belief in our own Superman that we are able to feel safe and secure.
I felt so much better after some retail therapy and movie with Eelin. For some reason she always have this ability cheer me up and to make me feel so much better, just by being there. For some reason she will call me unwittingly when I need someone to talk and to open up. She did not even know I was feeling miserable until she called me to catch a movie yesterday.
And as usual, she will always say something that will leave a strong impression on me everytime we went out.
"The level of anger that you shown towards someone will show the level of importance that you place on the person. And your anger is betraying your feelings, no matter how much you are lying to yourself."
My anger is gone, for now.
Where'd you go? I Miss You So
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit
and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Because your voice always helps to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
that you've been gone
Please
Come back home
You know, the place where you used to live
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine
I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever
that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please
Come back home
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit
and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Because your voice always helps to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
that you've been gone
Please
Come back home
You know, the place where you used to live
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine
I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever
that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please
Come back home
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home
Shopping, alone
I am definitely not gonna waste my time today.
Today, I am going to get out of the bloody hot house and go shopping even if it means that I might have to spend half the day alone. How fun!
Wish me luck today!
Today, I am going to get out of the bloody hot house and go shopping even if it means that I might have to spend half the day alone. How fun!
Wish me luck today!
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Alone in a big world
I am stting in my room alone on this warm night, trying to understand the waves of emotions that are currently sweeping through at the moment, trying to understand myself and my feelings better.I really don know what to do from this point onwards. Everyday I lived, its always the same. I am always feeling so empty. Why?
Nothing seem to satisfy me...
I am always feeling so lonely, always trying to find some answers to some obscure questions when I have no idea what are they in the first place. It is indeed confusing.
Everyday is the passing of seconds, minutes and hours and I have no idea why I allow myself to go through all these. I am so confused. And so alone. Why?
The only way I can express myself is through this empty white space. Whenever I am pensive, I will come here and let my fingers do the talking. I don express myself verbally well and its very difficult to say out what I want.
I am lonely. I guess everyone is, to a certain extent. And people have their own way to eliminate their loneliness. I just have not find a way to eliminate my loneliness.
Its so ironic that in this world of such advance technology, where there are a million and one ways of communication, there will be people like me existing. People who are lonely. People who cannot find a most suitable way to communicate with others. People who just need to find their stand in their world. People who are so scared of being forgotten.
Sometimes I just want to shout out loud to the world passing out there, moving away from me. I exist and I want to be known. Please do not leave me behind. Please do not forget me.
Why is it that the more material I own, the more people I know, the more I got, the more I do, the lonelier I feel? Please tell me what should I do to eliminate this loneliness?
Letting go
I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't wanna play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down,
Lay down my pride
Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride
Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Anger management needed
I seriously need to do something about my anger and my temper. Its so overpowering that I am having problems thinking straight. Its clouding my better judgement and destroying all senses that I have. The worse thing that can happened is that I want to hurt someone, physically or emotionally when I am angry. Its so scary.
Something happened today which made me wasted half of my weekend, one full day of my Saturday and I was so angry with the person that caused it that I had to vent out my anger cos I could not control it. It spurned out of control. My judgement was clouded, I could not take it that I actually wasted 1 full day of my weekend on an idiot and I could not take it lying down cos of that. I threw my stuff, my eye medication on the floor, slammed the window, slammed the fridge door, banged the table, banged my fist on the wall and slammed my door. And all these still did not help to pacify me. I even bit down hard on my lips until it bled. My parents were freaked out by what happened though my sis was irritated that I was being so childish.
In the end, I hurt myself and almost destroyed my stuff and my door. And still I felt very angry. It was terrible. Its scary. Even after a nap, I was still feeling very red and hot all over. I needed to hurt someone or destroy something.
I need some anger management lessons. Otherwise one of these days, I might just end up really hurting myself or the people around me. I am just too hot-headed. Sometimes after my anger or temper had passed, when I think about it, it actually scares me to think that I could be so scary whenever I was angry.
Sigh..
Something happened today which made me wasted half of my weekend, one full day of my Saturday and I was so angry with the person that caused it that I had to vent out my anger cos I could not control it. It spurned out of control. My judgement was clouded, I could not take it that I actually wasted 1 full day of my weekend on an idiot and I could not take it lying down cos of that. I threw my stuff, my eye medication on the floor, slammed the window, slammed the fridge door, banged the table, banged my fist on the wall and slammed my door. And all these still did not help to pacify me. I even bit down hard on my lips until it bled. My parents were freaked out by what happened though my sis was irritated that I was being so childish. In the end, I hurt myself and almost destroyed my stuff and my door. And still I felt very angry. It was terrible. Its scary. Even after a nap, I was still feeling very red and hot all over. I needed to hurt someone or destroy something.
I need some anger management lessons. Otherwise one of these days, I might just end up really hurting myself or the people around me. I am just too hot-headed. Sometimes after my anger or temper had passed, when I think about it, it actually scares me to think that I could be so scary whenever I was angry.
Sigh..
Shopping list
Shopping list for this weekend:
1) Alphabet stickers for office
2) Picture frames, lots of it
3) Sexy top at Forever 21 that I saw last week
4) Jeans, to replace the torn one
5) Muzzle to shut Ozzie up!!!
1) Alphabet stickers for office
2) Picture frames, lots of it
3) Sexy top at Forever 21 that I saw last week
4) Jeans, to replace the torn one
5) Muzzle to shut Ozzie up!!!
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