No matter

Its here again!

The Grrrreeeat Singapore Fare Hike!!

And as our economy and employment are on the rise, it is supposed to be a very good time to implement this much popular fare hike.

See, our government very considerate one. They always think about us normal ordinary Singaporeans one. When implementing such fare hikes, have to do it at the correct timing, and what is a better time for such fare hike than now? Everything increasing leh, so then can now increase right? Very logical and considerate mah. Employment also increase so people can afford mah, so increase fares is ok lor.

Somemore the technology now so advance, everything all so high tech, including our transportation system. See, government think of our conveniences leh. Everything is people first leh. So now can increase fare lor. Cos ultimately cannot deduct the pay of our ministers to pay for these high tech stuff leh. These people are the brains and veins of our country leh, without them we will die leh. So have to show our gratitude for them and pay them higher salary leh.

No matter the average Singaporean wants have more personal play life than just work to pay bills.

No matter the average Singaporea does not care about whether it is high tech as long as we can get from point A to point B.

No matter the average Singaporean has familes to feed and every single cent count towards the family income, no matter how high the income is.

No matter how the average Singaporean is actually very sick and tired of always hearing the government's justifications in any fare hike.

No matter how the average Singaporean just want their views heard in such public policies.

Swinging on the moody see-saw

I have been rather moody lately. Its like I will be really hyper-active one moment and then the next, I will be fuming mad. And then the next I will be feeling so down and sad that I would cry non-stop.

Perhaps its my PMS acting up. Perhaps I am just being silly or childish.

Yet, I never have such symptoms previously. Other than when I was having my PMS but those were only for a short period of time. Now, its like lasting forever. My current bout of mood swings have already lasted for quite a period and its very taxing on me. My eyes got all puffy due to the crying and my relationships with my colleagues and family are suffering a toil cos I threw my tantrums unnecessarily. Its taxing on my emotions too, I would feel terribly drained after an episode of crying and tearing and feeling all lousy.

Am I going crazy?

I think I need help.

Stay on the Road

Don't turn your laughing eyes away
You know I love you
There's no need to be afraid
Hearts are made to be broken
They get stronger by the day
I'll take a chance and drop all my defenses
Just to hear you say

How long is the road
How long is the ride
How long is the darkness till we get to the light
Go easy on me
Cause you already know
No matter the distance
I'll stay on the road to your heart

You say I've been a fool too long
You wonder why I have the strength to carry on
I see through your weakness
Your tough guy iron mask
It's not really that hard or complicated
There's no need to ask

How long is the road
How long is the ride
How long is the darkness till we get to the light
Go easy on me
Cause you already know
No matter the distance I'll stay on the road to your heart
I'll stay on the road to your heart
I'll stay on the road to your heart

Working overseas

My boss asked me this question today.

"Would you be willing to be posted overseas if given the chance?"

"Well, it depends on to where."

"Oh, still have to choose ah! So picky!"

"Ok lah, but the answer is yes. If given the chance, I will want to go overseas to work."

Which got me thinking, am I really ready to work overseas?

Working overseas is not the same as studying overseas. You have friends, classmates or schoolmates who have the same objectives as you when you are studying overseas. They together with you to form a group of like-minded people in getting good results and to overcome whatever problems that you might have when you are studying overseas. If you meet any problems, you are more able to find solutions or get help from them.

Working overseas however, is another business altogether. You will be all alone, for an extended period of time, depending on how long the stint is. You have to try to not only fit into the culture of the society there but also the culture of the working environment there. There is no one else to turn to in the event you meet with any problems. The scariest thing to me however is the loneliness.

Then again, working overseas will be a good chance for exposure, experience and most of all independence. It also train one to on self discipline. Besides, I have also think that staying too long in a place will make one stagnant.

Oh well, I shall just wait and see. If things really go as planned according to my boss' very big plans, then there might just be a very slight chance of working overseas. And the countries that are available will be the factories of my customers.

Considering that my customers include Fiat, Audi, VGS and Citroen etc........

*Wishful thinking!*

Silent Hill

I watched Silent Hill on last Thursday. That was the day when I just came back from JB and saw a dead body, as mentioned in my previous entry. As if seeing a real dead body wasn't enough, I went to watch a horror movie on the same day.

It was rather mind boggling, to say the least.

The show was really good in my opinion. It was not just about the horror aspect cos most of the time when there was a buildup of those freaky you-know-would-make-you-jump-in-your-seats scenes, I would close my eyes and grip his hands hard, praying for the scenes to flash pass fast.

It was the buildup of the story line and the slowly unraveling of the history of the town that made me enjoy the show. I just liked how the movie slowly revealed at each turning many little clues about what happened to Silent Hill which led to the current situation when the mother had to travel to the town, as haunted as it was, to save her little girl. And of course, how there were always these little details that one could discover at each scenes. Be it a broken baby pram in the middle of a street, a bald mannequin in a rundown boutique, a rusty wheelchair along the corridor of the hospital or just a greyish sofa in the lobby of a scary looking hotel. It was all these little details that made me very captured by the show.

And of course the sick and disgusting creatures that might just jumped out of the corner when the mother was running around crazily on the streets.

As such, I went to catch the show again today, with Cons. Not that I had too much money but as Cons had a free GV ticket and since I did not think that Scary Movie 4 was a good choice to spend my 2 hours in the theatre, I decided to give Silent Hill a second shot.

It was also partly I missed out some portions of the show since I was closing my eyes during most scary scenes. I can be rather chicken at times.

I must say, watching the show a second time was actually more enjoyable than the first time. I was more prepared about what scary things the movie would throw at me. In fact, I was looking forward to those scary scenes. Besides, seeing Cons jumping out of her skin and sucking her breath each time she got freaked also contributed to the enjoyment. Heh.. I am an evil girl.........

Anyway, it was a nice show. The ending was opened to much interpretation but on the whole the backdrop was nice and entertaining. It was sick, gruesome, eerie, scary and fun.

By the way, can anyone who watched tell me whats the name of the song that was played each time Alessa was on? The little tune that was featured when Rose was in the school and saw the handprint on the dusty table, opened it and found an exercise book with Alessa Gillespie's name on it and saw flashbacks of how Alessa was treated by her classmates? I love the tune but could not seem to find it. Would really appreciate any help here! Thanks!

7 slices of lemon

I got really sick today. I was coughing very badly and was sniffing the whole morning. My eyes were so swollen that I appeared to be squinting. I also sounded really hoarse that my boss even asked me if I also went to JB to do my throat too, together with my eyes.

I said 'Ya, there was an offer package. Do your eyes and you got to do your throat for free." He went silent, thinking about what I had just said before breaking out in laughters..

I was certainly feeling really lousy, since last night but that is another story.

I got to the point that I could not take it any longer and had to take the day off. I could not even concentrate cos I was basically coughing, sniffing and sneezing all the time. Added to this was the fact that my eyes were really swollen and I was squinting all the time and you will have idea of how I was feeling during the day.

Lousy was just a mild term to describe.

So, I finished up whatever that was urgent and told my bosses that I had to leave for the day. They basically had to just look at me and asked me to go visit the doc.

With that, I took a cab and reached the clinic. Thank God for the little clinic snugged tight just 3 blocks away from my place. It also happened to be in my company's list of approved clinics, meaning that I did not have to fork out a single cent to pay for the visit.

Came home, took my late lunch, popped a flu pill, read LKY's book for an hour or so and promptly got knock out.

Then my parents came back home and woke me up half an hour later. Damn.

Then my Dad had to shut down the power suply to our unit cos he had to fix the water heater, which was spoilt for like a week already. Meaning that the whole house gradually turned into a furnace cos the fan was down. Double damn.

Then Mum kept interrupting my sleep. She was freaked out when I told her that I saw a dead person on my JB trip yesterday. A poor guy had fell from some higher level in the shopping area and landed on the main arena. I was there when the police was shooting pictures of the body and I could see the whole thing quite clearly. The body was twisted at an unatural angle with blood seeping out from underneath it and all that. It was rather mind boggling and eerie.

My Mum, being the superstitious person that she always had been, was so concerned that she insisted on me to shower with flowers and 7 slices of lemons. Don asked me why 7 slices cos for the life of me, I could not figured out why 7..

I was like all groggy from my sleep and yet she kept entering my room, telling me what I had to do. Below was what happened.

"jinghua ah, later you shower, make sure you tell me hor, I will give you flowers to shower together hor." I mumbled something and went back to sleep. She left the room.

Then a second later she entered.

"Jinghua ah, later you shower with the flowers, I will also give you 7 slices of lemon to shower together hor. Make sure you take them together hor." Again, I mumbled something, could not remember what, and fell back to my uneasy slumber again.

Then another second later, she entered my room once more.

"Jinghua ah, later you remember to shower with the 7 slices of lemons hor. You must remember hor, yesterday you saw a dead body so you have to do that hor." I actually wanted to ask her why 7 but was too groggy to acknowledge it so I mumbled something again and tried to go back to sleep.

And then she entered my room again.

This time before she could say anything I interrupted her.

"I want to shower now." I figured she would not keep quiet until I showered with her flowers and her 7 slices of lemon. And rather than going back to my uneasy sleep with disturbing weird dreams, due to her constant interruptions, I might as well just wake up and take my shower and get refresh.

It was also partly also cos I rather like the citrus scent of lemons and wanted to feel how it was like to smell lemony all over.

So I showered with flowers and lemons. The latter smelled so nice that I asked my mum, "Eh Mum, can I eat the lemons after I showered?"

Which she promptly replied, "Eek! No lah! Don talk nonsense! Throw them away after that lah!"

Oh well, so much for my cravings for citrus stuff.

And now, feeling all refreshed after the mis-adventures from yesterday till earlier today, I am now here, chewing on a piece of gum and tapping on my iB again.

Jellyfishes

I am still thinking about the jellyfishes I came across while I was in Dayang.

And I think I would just pee in my wetsuit if I came across these buggers!

A trusty issue

I am vexed at the moment.

How much trust should you give to another person?

Of course, there are different levels of trust that one should retain for different people. Those whom you know for long should logically enjoy a greater level of trust from you while those whom you know for a long time should not be so trusted easily. Then again, this is just a common guideline that many use. In reality, those whom you know for the longest might just ended up betraying you the longest. The opposite might just happened too.

Some people are more willing to give their trust while others are just more, should I say, suspicious or perhaps more cynical of human nature and less willing to trust others.

Then there are those people who just do not trust anyone at all.

I am a naive person, or perhaps a more apt term should be stupid. I trust people easily and sometimes I got hurt in the process. The worse is I never seem to learn from my lessons. I am just too willling to believe in the better side of human nature. Perhaps one can say that its healthy to have such positive thoughts and feelings. Then again, others might just say that its stupid and naive. Two sides of a coin now, aren't we?

But don you find that not trusting anyone, anyone at all, is a little sad? In fact, if you ask me, its really sad. One will always be very suspicious of all around him and will be conceiving ways to twist and turn. Ultimately, one would just end up getting sucked into an abyss of loneliness and misery cos there is absolutely no one to confide or talk to. Remember, no man is an island.

In life, there are bound to have people who are just so selfish and for that, it will be a wise thing to not give them your trust. But then there are others who really deserve your trust. People whom you can count on when you are facing crisis. People whom you are willing to stand by when they are facing crisis. People who have already weatherd much storms with you and are already prepared to weathered another one with you again.

Besides, I think the best form of happiness is giving. And trust is something which you give, in order to gain it back. If you don even trust others, then how do you expect others to give you their trusts?

Video Underwater

This has been long overdued. The only video taken by a colleague of mine during our diving trip.

Short nonetheless but still very interesting.. :)

Runny nose

I am sick. Down with a bad flu.

Its been a long time since I got sick.

Problem is I cannot afford to take medical leave.

The one time I got sick enough to take medical leave, the one time I cannot afford to take any.

Argh..

Daddy dearest chicken rice

I was on the cab this evening and I overheard a heartwarming story. It was on 958FM, Mandarin station meant for older folks, in my opinion. Appologies to any young people who like to listen to the station, no offense mUsually I would have just shut off, too tired and exhausted to even bother about what was on the radio while I was in the cab. Instead I would just enter into my so-called "brain dead mood" and let my thoughts wander about.

This time however, the program caught my attention. It was about how a father uses love to cook for the family. I did not manage to catch much of the story but I did manage to hear something about how a student only found out how much love the father had for the family when he saw his father labouring in the kitchen, cooking for the whole family, perspiration beads appearing on his forehead and eyebrows squeezed together, concentrating hard on how to make the best dishes for the whole family.

It reminds me about my own father. A lot in fact.

The earliest memory that I had of my own dad was him in the kitchen whipping up a huge storm during any festive seasons for the whole extended family. Hours later, the dining table would be filled to the sides with lots of colourful dishes.

Whatever he cooked would be really good. Because he cooked with love. Or perhaps its cos we love him and thats why we can taste his love. I always stand by my statement that I have never had chicken rice that taste better than my dad's. For those who know me well, my dad used to sell chicken rice. He had to close down his stall however when the work proved too much for him and mum cos they were getting old and cannot take the hard work. Ever since then, I had never managed to find chickenn rice that is better than my dad's. Its amazingly good. Its the best in my opinion. A very objective opinion by the way.

I love my dad.

And I love his cooking even more.

Yummy..!

Alive?

I sometimes wonder why on earth am I being so stupid, getting involved into something that has no future. Always ended up feeling used and feeling frustrated.

Hell, its been quite a while that I have been feeling this exact way.

My work suck, I feel like quitting every single bloody day.

My personal life suck even more. I feel like running away every single bloody day.

Conclusion: I hate my life.

Hows that for living like that every single bloody day.

Time and tide waits for no man. I am getting older every single second, minute, day, week, months, years.

What am I doing? What do I want? What is my single purpose that I was put to task the moment that I came into existence?

Nothing seems to satisfy me and short of trying to get myself killed, I think I am running out of ideas to make myself feel alive.

I am not able to see Beautiful Things anymore

Silent Library

If only our Mediacorpse is this creative when it comes to variety programs...

Disillusions

You know something?

I used to believe that all people are kind by nature and no one will hurt others intentionally. In my opinion, its really beautiful world out there. One just have to look in closer to find that the world is actually not that intolerable a place to live in.

How naive.

How dumb!

The older I am, the more disillusioned I am with life and with people. The way people treat others for their own sake, the way others justify their actions with comforting excuses without a second thought about how their selfish actions will affect the surroundings and the fakeness that exists in our societies are just so, should I say disgusting? Its so filthy that its mind boggling.

Humans are selfish, downright selfish indeed. We care only for ourselves. We want the best for ourselves and think nothing of destroying the next fellow. We care only about how our actions will affect ourselves and nothing of the rippled effects. The worse is when we did have an inkling of our actions but we still proceed and justify the actions with self-gratifying reasons.

The longer I dwelled in the working society, the more disillusioned I get. Its such a filthy world! Such selfishness and such disgusting creatures are we humans. How sad.

Everywhere you looked, there are distrust, dishonesty, selfishness and fakeness. It all boils down to the fact that we know ourselves too well, we know how we are like and what we are like. In essence, we know how selfish humans are.

What a shame.

Because although I am really disillusioned and disappointed, I still hold firmly to the belief that all humans are made perfect and are still perfect. Its just a matter of whether they take the effort to eliminate the layer of filth existing on the surface of our world and the dive deeper into the underlying. Then perhaps we shall not be so suspicious.

Then perhaps our world would be a more tolerable, less filthy and more happy place.

Then perhaps we shall not be so lonely.

There's gotta be more

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure
there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

Perfect world

"In a woman's world,

boyfriends would be tailored-made,

heels wouldn't hurt,

husbands would give birth,

diamonds would grow on trees,

And...."

I like this Peugeot ad, my perfect kind of world...!

Human mynahs

Have you ever noticed how a common mynah walks?

I was sitting on the bench of the train station this morning when I noticed a common mynah strolling on the platform of the train station, where passengers wait for their trains. The little fellow was walking around feeling all important, as if it owned the train station. With each step, the head would protrude out, in tune with its steps. I don know about you readers here but somehow I just got the feeling that it was feeling all important, too much confidence and perhaps a little arrogant.

Then again, its just a an animal, with limited intelligence and so perhaps I should not be so harsh in my comments towards it. Cos it does not know better.

People, on the other hand, are another thing altogether.

Do those people who are too confident to to point of being arrogant gets into you? People whom you know who have limited knowledge and yet feel very confident cos they think they know it all? People who place themselves on a high altar cos they believe their value system is more superior than others?

Again, I don know about you but I find these people really pathetic and laughable. Pathetic cos they are like the toad in a well, limited in their vision and yet think that they have seen the whole sky. Their vision and mentality are limited by their own views and arrogance. Laughable cos they are not able to realize that others are actually laughing at their inability to realize that they are the laughing stock of others.

The most pathetic of them all is that others do not bother to correct these human mynahs cos as the saying goes, never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Besides fools drag you to their level.

So why bother?

I need to rant.. Again..

Ok, I can't take this anymore. I really need to rant.

Why the hell are you so dumb?! Knowingly allow him to take advantage of you and your emotions?! You know he is already involved and yet you still went along with him? Worse still, hes married and already had a girlfriend somemore!

Sigh, my dear friend, whatever were you thinking..

Men only got one thing in mind, whatever it is, you are smart enough to figure it out.

First, they bed you.

Then they said it was a mistake and they don want to get involved and would prefer you to be their friend.

And then they still continue bedding you.

Now that is speaking from experience.

If you want to play, then make damn fucking sure that you be the one to hurt others and not the ones to get hurt. If you cannot buried your feelings deep into the ocean, then make damn sure that you don even be a player.

Its either you get hurt or you hurt others. Period. There are no two ways about it.

Sometimes I really wish that we were born in ancient times as Amazon womens. Then we play the men and not the other way round.

I rather dance with fishes in the sea than to dance with men in bed.

I hope the jerk who did that to you get some strange VD and his cock drop off dead in front of his eyes while he was in the middle of an orgasm. I hope he rots in hell.

Pictures for my Dayang Trip

IMG_0052
Originally uploaded by blurfroggie.

As promised..

I rather dance with fishes

A few things tonight:

1) I am pretty miffed at the moment about some stupid childish idiotic stuff that I should not even have dwelled into.

2) I am pretty fucked up right now about the way a close friend was treated by a guy. I am in the mood for some male bashing right now but I should control. Control, control, control.. I should control. My temper is always getting way ahead of me.

4) I might be getting another tattoo probably over the weekend, depending on whether I can withstand the pain cos my skin is very raw at the moment. Most likely the new tattoo shall be on my shoulder blade. I think I am getting into the habit of getting tattoos whenever I am feeling vexed or fucked up.

5) I am diving again in July. I think I have fallen in love with diving. Perhaps in future, I might just invest in a set of gears. Cons, you better not fly kite on me. Ching, or any of you guys who want to join me, just leave a note here or let me know.

6) I am still pretty much toasted.

7) I am losing my appetite for some reason. I don think I have had a decent meal for the day. Lets see, I only had 3 buns, 5 biscuits and a couple of drinks. Good, the way I like it.

8) I am in the mood for some super loud music.

9) I just said this in the morning in a conversation with a dear friend : "Its better to be dancing in the sea with fishes than dancing in bed with men." Which I think pretty much hit the bulls' eyes for me at the moment. Pun intended if you know what my horoscope is.

10) Another thing I said sometime back: "Men only have 1 thing in mind." Whatever the 1 thing is, you go figure out.

Lastly, as you can pretty much tell from my tone and my words here, I am rather worked up and pissed at the moment.

Cooked, roasted, toasted

I never know the true meaning of sunburnt until now. Its so goddamn painful..

My back has a very red and distinct imprint of my swimsuit. The skin that was not covered up and exposed directly to the sun is at the moment very red and angry looking. It feels painful even to touch it. The skin is so sensitive that all sensations seem to be magnified and its painful all the time.

My knees that were covered by the wet suit and were exposed to the sun are all red and other than the pain, its like its numb and dead. I can only feel the sharp tingling sensation on my skin.

My bones hurt, I now know that other than the skin, the sun can cause your muscle and bones to ache. I am feeling feverish all the time and I have this muscle ache that one only gets when you are having a fever, or when a certain part of your body got cut. My limps are weak and I cannot exert much strength. I cannot cross my legs cos my thighs are sunburnt too and I cannot press hard on them.

Under the yellow lights in my dining room, my hands look like its all bright red.

My mum said I looked cooked and I said, "No, I AM cooked, over cooked in fact.."

*Moaning in pain*

What would you do?

1) if you see the ones in power hurting the ones who have none?

2) if you had a child from a rape?

3) if you had to choose between survival and loyalty?

4) if you fell in love with a man who beats you constantly?

5) if you had to choose between your reputation and your son's reputation?

6) if you had a very bad sunburnt all over your body and its hurting like hell?

Dayang trip 02/06/06 to 04/06/06

"You survived your first diving trip!" Mr D said the moment I on my Adium last night at 130am..

Yup, that I did. I was at Dayang from Fri night to Sun noon, diving. The journey was enough to bore me but the dives compensated for the boredom on the journey there.

Ka jiao lots of corals and the residents that lived in them, saw lots of sea cucumbers and colourful sea slugs, met many fishes on their way to schools, saw a couple of large long fish, forgot the name for them and lastly, who can forget the few jellyfishes that I bumped into on my ascents and also while I was snorkelling. Freaked me out I tell ya.. These pinkish, spineless, membrane looking creatures just seemed to appear when you least expected them. Underwater, you can see the length of their tentacles and up on the boat, you can see their pinkish mushroom heads bobbing. But on the surface of the water, you will not be able to see them unless you put your head underwater to look around, or until you bumped into them. Weird but beautiful looking creatures, although I never want to have any dealings with them..

And of course, the really bad sunburnt that I am having at the moment and the few scraps and bumps that I got for kneeling the corals and seabeds.. Ouch.. On my sunburnt area somemore...

I am definitely going diving again, although I had to retake my theory and had to go back and retake. Damn..

Some lousy quality pictures that I took of the surroundings.. Will post the better looking ones after my colleagues send to me..

Enjoy!