Sunday, January 29, 2006

Why oh why?

CNY is supposed to be a time for your family and relatives and loved ones. Everyone is supposed to come together regardless of their busy schdeules for few days of quality time and catching up. The festival actually begins on the eve, with the reunion dinner. All members of the family will sit down for a well-deserved feast and its supposed to be really crowded and noisy. Supposed.

I missed my reunion meal, which was supposed to be in the afternoon for my family and I had to be in the office for the whole day yesterday. Ended up having cold leftovers alone. And even that, my pathetic meal was interrupted by calls from the office. It just happened that something went wrong and I had to attend to it. Almost had to rush back to office in between my bites.

On the first day of the CNY, everything was as per before. Routine. Woke up late, had a nice warm bowl of noodles. Went online for a while, then had a shower before going out for visitation. And then everything went downhill. Well, to a certain extent.

It seemed that I just did not fit anywhere in my family. Not too old and not too young. Fine by me. I am not in the mood to actually have small talks with anyone either. Ended up rewatching Narnia with my young cousins.

After dinner, sis went out with her boyfriend, bro went to catch a show with his army mates, parents went dating. That leaves me. Alone. Again. Again. Again.

Went home by myself from my uncle's place. Slept all the way back on the train and almost missed my stop. Came home to an empty house and saw Ozzie alone. Poor thing was locked up the whole day in the kitchen.

Went to take a slow and long shower and brought out all my conditioners, toners, scrubs, moisturizers, treatment etc. God knows that I have tons of those. Basically applied everything from head to toe.

After that, went to let Ozzie out. Poor girl was so affected by being locked up whole day that she did not even seem to enjoy her new found freedom of the day.

And now its back to my iB. Ranting away on my blog. Whats the point of having CNY when I always feel out of place, even with my own family.

I hate my life, waiting for something to happen everyday and yet having no idea what is going to happen. I hate putting on a happy exterior and all the while tearing apart inside.

Something is wrong here.


Calamity Man said...

never tell me earlier.

i got ditched by everyone too. not that i really celebrate CNY but it's after all a holiday.

i've been off since fri but haven't really been anywhere except to go out and buy newspapers.

what a sad life.

DK said...

Aiya, should had told me mah. We playing black jack at home. Not enough kakis because alot of people leaving.