For some reason, I have been having a dull throbbing pain in my chest. I think its due to stress, the stress from my work but most of all stress of how other people's opinion are affecting me. Its really easy to say that one should now care about the opinions of other people but when it comes to the real thing, how many of you here are able to do that? I admit it, I am not strong, I care about how other think of me and my reputation too. I want to have a good image and be someone whom people respect and liked. To put it in a better way, I want to be accepted.
Lately however, I have came to know that my reputation is being tarnished. Someone whom I took to be a friend and whom I trusted enough to talk actually spilled the beans, my beans, in fact. I shall not go into details here but in the end, I was protrayed to be someone whom I am not. Surfice to say, I am very affected by these remarks. Sigh. As much as I want to say that I heck care these comments, I am actually very much bothered by it. In fact, bothered is the mildest of terms. I hated it.
I have never felt true hatred before and now I am able to taste it. Its sour and stings. It eats into you and before you know it, you are always thinking of ways in which you can take revenge, how the people who wronged you should die and how you want to take away all whom they loved so that they can suffer, suffer and pay for what they did to cause you to feel hatred. For the first time in my life, I actually felt it. I have never hated somone so damn much in my entire pathetic 25 years of existance.
If you are reading this, all the better, You know who you are. This entry is actually dedicated to you, to let you know how disgusted I am. I was in a very vexed, miserable state and I desperately need to talk. Unfortunately for me, you were there. I regretted meeting you and knowing you. I should have never tell you anything. Now, because of you, my reputation has been tarnished. You are a real fat bastard, literally. I hate you. I hated you more than anyone I have met. And to the loud-mouthed bitch who has been talking about me behind my back, fuck you. You can go to hell, you and your bloody family together. You are just an ignorant, rabid bitch who is always acting like some know-it-all saint. Fuck you, fuck you to hell, you belong to the scums in hell together with him. Both of you really deserved to be together. May you both pigs have heart attack and drop off from the face of this earth. I hate both of you.
I was naive and stupid and careless and this shall be a lesson for me, a hard and painful one but still a lesson no less. "Friends" come in many forms, some are really true and sincere and some are just bastards and bitches out to prey on people. I have been preyed on once and it shall be the last time. My trust shall not be that easily available. Once bitten, forever shy.
Fuck you both, the bastard who preyed and the bitch who barked. Fuck you both.
Idiots. Including me.