Saturday, April 08, 2006


I really wanted to write something worthwhile in this space here but it seems like I have nothing much to say these days. Its either I am facing a writer's block or I am temporarily having a very irritating inability to express myself in words. That should not be anything new since most people have a certain treshold of ability to express themselves, more so in writings. However, for someone like me, who has a very huge problem in expressing myself, its a very frustrating affair for me to be not able to even put my thoughts and feelings into words.

Its like eating something which does not agree with your gastric and you want to throw it out, yet unable to cos your throat is all closed up, sitched up tightly not allowing you to get rid of what you have in your tummy.

Its terrible and I hate it.

Speaking of words, its funny how sometimes a simple word can bring forth such vast meaning and significance, where the whole landscape just changed and got altered because of a single word. Something empty just got filled and became clearer. One can almost said that its incomprehensible that something as empty as a word can actually result in miracles and change the entire scenario.

Its amazing.

Amazing is the word that I have been using these days. Its amazing how sometimes when you look at the surface of things, its so much different from what you will experience when you are in the midst of it all. The surface of a pond can be so calm and peaceful and yet when you are inside the water, its amazingly rough and scary.

Its amazing how 2 people can be so dependent on each other that when one is gone, the other will lost her meaning to live. Its rather scary to be even having such thoughts. Eelin told me it is indeed scary to be so comfortable and so dependent on someone else. Yes, I totally agree with her. Its scary, and it freaks the hell out of me whenever I think about it. Is this some kind of a twisted joke that God, or whichever higher entity is playing on us human? Pairing 2 humans together, mould them into a single mind and make them so dependent on each other that they cannot survive without the other and then forcefully tear them apart through death? That thought just fill me up with dread.

And I wonder how my parents will survive should one of them is gone. In fact, I wonder if how I would survive if any one of them is gone.

Thats the extent of love. The single most powerful word in this realm, in my opinion.

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