Monday, May 09, 2005


While having dinner with my boss tonight, he asked Eu if she has any boyfriend? To my surprise, she actually replied that shes single. Eu is a modern working woman who carries herself very well and is always very well-dressed and made up. I have never seen her in a mess even when she is busy like hell. Shes smart, capable and most of all, very pretty. Wherever she goes, men will surely turn their heads and give her a second look. I would think that a woman like her would be taken and not available anymore. The next sentence she said made me look at her in a different light. When Ro asked her if she intend to get married, she actually said no and the reason she gave for that is that marriage is a burden and she does not want to get tied down. The fact that Ro asked that question already implied that this thought also crossed her mind before. There we were the 3 of us, 3 working women, each with different capabilities and background and yet each of us had given this question some thoughts. Do we want to stay happily single or get married and live a life with someone else?

The truth is, I am really scared of getting involved. First and foremost on my mind is that I don really have the time to think about relationships at the moment. I am working almost 12 hours everyday and I am too tired to think of anything else after I am home. During the weekend when I am not working, I would want to have my own private space and I am very selfish about my private space. I don't want to share this private space with anyone, whoever that person is. Essentially, I don have the time and space to accomodate another person in my life.

Next, getting married involves lots more than just love and feelings. To be able to stand another person and live with that person for the rest of your life requires a huge amount of tolerance and understanding. Its not as simple as just loving that person and then all shall be ok. To me thats crap. If a huge amount of tolerance is not there in the first place, whatever love shall turn into hatred and then you will find that you cannot even stand the look of the other person. And then whatever hope and expectations that you place in the relationship shall disintegrate into nothing and in the end, everything is a waste of time and feelings so why start the whole thing in the first place?

Then there is the monetary aspects of getting married. In Singapore, starting up a family requires so much money and attention to keep the family going. In the end, instead of happily enjoying the family, the couple will be working their asses off to pay loans, house loans, car loans and education funds for the children. The point of starting a family is to enjoy it and not to get tied down by loans! The monetary issues of starting a family just defeats the whole purpose of starting a family. I just cannot see myself being tied down by all these.

In fact, when I was just a girl in my teens, the thought of not getting married had already came across my mind. At a stage when most girls want to be happily married to someone they loved, I was actually thinking of staying single all my life, enjoying men and yet not tied down to any. I wanted to live alone, with a successful career, do whatever I want. And to solve the problem of the need to have my own children without a man, I even thought of artificial insemination or adoption, as much hilarious as that sounds..!

Then again, sometimes staying single can be very lonesome. There is no one to share your thoughts and views with and you are always alone. This feeling can be so strong sometimes that I felt so helpless and lost, especially after seeing all my friends happily attached and sharing their life with their other half. And to add on to my troubles and headaches, there are so much expectations being placed on single working women like me to get married. Relatives and friends are always asking when will I get attached, as if my marital status is any of their business!

After hearing Eu's reply, all the 2 of us fell silent. Even my boss went silent, sensing something deep going through our minds at that moment.

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