Tied down emotionally?

My new colleague asked me this while chatting today.

"Iris, have you thought of getting married?"

This was not the first time I was asked this question and neither was this his first time in asking me this question.

When I was younger, in my teens, while I was still happily enjoying my puppy love, all I wanted to do was to be with my boyfriend all the time. I saw him everyday in school, ate with him, studied with him, chatted long hours with him on the phone, saw movies with him and still could not get enough of him everyday.

Then, the infactuation grew dull and we grew bored of each other. And the inevitable happened.

For a while, I was happily single, doing what I wanted, enjoying my carefree time, not tied down. It was during this period of time when I believed that being single is the best thing in the world. I made a promise to myself that I would be independent for as long as I could. I am not about to get bothered by the stuff that troubled couples. I shall do what I wanted as I deem fit. And most of all, I am not about to share my life with anyone, it shall be only me, myself and I.

And again the inevitable happened again. I changed my mind.

While meeting up with a couple of single friends a week ago, the topic of being attached came up again. Somehow this topic seem to always be around when you put a group of single or attached but unmarried ladies together. Someone in the group said this, "The fact that I am single and unattached and not about to get married in the near future does not really scare me cos I am independent and I can support myself. Whether I want to get married or not is no longer a need but rather a choice."

And of course everyone in the group agreed unanimously.

Though I really wonder if anyone in the group really wanted to remain single the whole life. As I aged everyday, the thought of being as alone as now is getting more and more creepy. And more and more scary.

I replied my concern colleague this.

"Which girl in this world does not want to get married? Of course I would want to be with someone when I get old, when I need help and when I need someone whom I can count on. And yet the thought of getting tied down, financially and emotionally is rather scary."

I have yet to be tied down financially but I have gone through what it was like to be tied down emotionally and I have no wish to go through that again.

That said, I have yet to convince myself that I want to be alone for the rest of my life.

What a dilemma.....