Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Can you see me crying?

Imagine you are in an empty theatre, a huge one with long maroon curtains. You are sitting in the centre aisle of the theatre and you are alone. The seats are a dark red colour, velvety and are cosy. And you are watching a very long show.

Your life story.

If there really is such a theatre with such a huge white projection screeen, showing your life journey, what will it be?

What is the genre that you want your life movie to belong to and what do you want your audience to see that is unfolding bits by bits on the huge projection screen in your life theatre?

I have always wondered how I would react when I am watching my own life story playing out bits by bits. What will I be seeing and more importantly, how will I feel as I am watching my own journey played out on the screen.

Will I be ashamed of what I am seeing? Will I be filled with regret or will I be filled with remorse and guilt? Or will I be happy and satisfied with the way I am leading my life?

Will you cry when you are frustrated? Will you cry if you are sad or will you cry when you are left with no hope and filled with regrets? Why do people cry when they are feeling negative? Is crying a sign of weakness? If its a sign of weakness, then why do I feel better after I cry?

Then again, when there are nothing left, no hopes, no feelings and no glimmers of optimism, the tears seemed to forsake me. All that are left is just an empty feeling, an abyss of darkness and a glimpse of dark thoughts to self destruct. A feeling so twisted that I feel like pulling all my internals out, to destroy whatever negativity that is inside me. To destroy my physical since its accessible and easier to destroy than my emotional.

My life story, such an irony. Nothing substantial and so empty.

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