Singapore Idol.
The price that people will pay for fame.
And the EXCRUTIATING entertainment that it provided!
Haha! I was expecting CSI and got a comedy night instead! I didn't even show such alertness even when I was watching CSI on Tue night!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Sensitivity
I was on the bus this morning getting to work and was plugged into my K750i listening to the radio during the journey. Glenn and The Flying Dutchman were bantering on air as usual. This morning's topic was on sensitivity.
Specifically about how some cruel some people can be, verbally.
Specifically about how some seemingly innocent, out-of-jest comments can hurt so much that it may even drive the 'victim" to do something drastic to change the person that he/she was.
Specifically about how these comments can even totally destroy the confidence and self-esteem of a person.
When was the last time someone seemingly said jokingly that you have put on weight and that you arre fat. Or that you looked stupid or look ugly?
How did you feel? How did you react?
The normal and more common reaction would be to shrug it off and to laugh along with these people making such degradatory remarks about you and to sweep your own uneasiness and hurt underneath the blanket and appear nonchalant about such remarks.
Deep down however, the seed of self-hatred would have been sown. You start to hate youself for the way you are and for the way you look. Your confidence level will start to get eroded. And yet you refused to admit it and continued to be "brave' about it.
Its actually foolish. Be brave about it and admit that you don like the way people comment about you. Tell the person that its not funny to tease you or make you the centre of the joke if you don like it, that you don appreciate his style of bad jokings and his lack of sensitivity.
There was a lady who actually called in to the radio and talked about her story.
There used to be this school mate of her who always remarked that she was fat to people around her, even though the craziest thing was that she did not even know this guy at all, other than she went to the same school as her.
And the result?
She went on a crash diet, sometimes stop eating for a few days at a go. At her worse, she weighed 37kg at a height of 165cm. And her whole body system was so wrecked that she stopped having her menses for a year.
So the next time you feel like commenting or teasing someone for their weight or their look, think before you open your mouth. Would you want to have such comments?
Specifically about how some cruel some people can be, verbally.
Specifically about how some seemingly innocent, out-of-jest comments can hurt so much that it may even drive the 'victim" to do something drastic to change the person that he/she was.
Specifically about how these comments can even totally destroy the confidence and self-esteem of a person.
When was the last time someone seemingly said jokingly that you have put on weight and that you arre fat. Or that you looked stupid or look ugly?
How did you feel? How did you react?
The normal and more common reaction would be to shrug it off and to laugh along with these people making such degradatory remarks about you and to sweep your own uneasiness and hurt underneath the blanket and appear nonchalant about such remarks.
Deep down however, the seed of self-hatred would have been sown. You start to hate youself for the way you are and for the way you look. Your confidence level will start to get eroded. And yet you refused to admit it and continued to be "brave' about it.
Its actually foolish. Be brave about it and admit that you don like the way people comment about you. Tell the person that its not funny to tease you or make you the centre of the joke if you don like it, that you don appreciate his style of bad jokings and his lack of sensitivity.
There was a lady who actually called in to the radio and talked about her story.
There used to be this school mate of her who always remarked that she was fat to people around her, even though the craziest thing was that she did not even know this guy at all, other than she went to the same school as her.
And the result?
She went on a crash diet, sometimes stop eating for a few days at a go. At her worse, she weighed 37kg at a height of 165cm. And her whole body system was so wrecked that she stopped having her menses for a year.
So the next time you feel like commenting or teasing someone for their weight or their look, think before you open your mouth. Would you want to have such comments?
They
Who made up all the rules
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
Who are they
And where are they
And how do they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
And who are they
And where are they
And how can they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
Who are they
And where are they
And how do they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
And who are they
And where are they
And how can they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Monday, May 22, 2006
What would you say?
If you could tell the world just one thing, what would it be? What is the one thing that you really wanted to shout out to the the world, that you want everyone to know, that you would crave for others to know?
If I could just tell the world one thing, it would be that we are all made for a purpose. That there is a reason for everything. There are a huge chain of events that many many people contribute to a whole single purpose which propels our race forward. Any single break in this whole chain of events will ultimately shift the momentum of our race and then change the whole turnout and result of what will happen. The resulting effect may be so miniscule that no one will be able to notice or it might be so catastrophic that it can affect the lives of millions worldwide.
There is a purpose in me writing this seemingly incoherent passage out and there is also a reason why you are sitting here in front of your computer reading my seeminly incoherent passage.
Whatever the case, there is definitely a purpose in the actions and the choices that we make everyday.
And yet, time is a relative concept. No one will be able to know what is going to happen if we were to take the other path, something that would just lead to another route.
Unless time moves backward. Which not only would change the concept of time but would also wrecks previously arrangement until everything totally changed.
If you have watched Back to the Future, you would be able to understand what I meant.
So now, ask yourself, what is the one thing that you would really want to change in your life?
If I could just tell the world one thing, it would be that we are all made for a purpose. That there is a reason for everything. There are a huge chain of events that many many people contribute to a whole single purpose which propels our race forward. Any single break in this whole chain of events will ultimately shift the momentum of our race and then change the whole turnout and result of what will happen. The resulting effect may be so miniscule that no one will be able to notice or it might be so catastrophic that it can affect the lives of millions worldwide.
There is a purpose in me writing this seemingly incoherent passage out and there is also a reason why you are sitting here in front of your computer reading my seeminly incoherent passage.
Whatever the case, there is definitely a purpose in the actions and the choices that we make everyday.
And yet, time is a relative concept. No one will be able to know what is going to happen if we were to take the other path, something that would just lead to another route.
Unless time moves backward. Which not only would change the concept of time but would also wrecks previously arrangement until everything totally changed.
If you have watched Back to the Future, you would be able to understand what I meant.
So now, ask yourself, what is the one thing that you would really want to change in your life?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Our failings, not theirs.
Eelin once told me this anecdote. Something that she saw when she was on a flight back to Australia. Its something small and yet had quite an impact on her so she related it to me.
She was sitting on her seat on the plane and beside her on the other row, there was this little girl who was being scolded by her mum. She was sobbing silently while her mum continued to ramble on and reprimand her for being a naughty and stupid girl.
Her undoing? She fell down and hurt herself while going into the plane and created a commotion as a result.
And then on the other side of her, on the exact same row, there was this Ausssie lady who was comforting her son. He had just scalded himself while drinking some soup. The little boy was crying cos it was obviously very painful and his mum was telling him how it was alright, comforting him and hugging him at the same time.
When I was younger, my brother always got into arguments with my dad. The 2 of them are so different and yet so similar at the same time. Both are so stubborn and yet both refuse to admit it. Well, actually everyone in my family are very stubborn but thats another story altogether. My dad is someone who prefers to follow the more rigid way in doing things. He prefers the safe route while my brother is someone who prefers to follow the alternate route, perhaps of his youth. He was never good in his studies, always failing and always getting the last in his classes. My parents would be very pissed why he could never concentrate on his studies. They did not outrightly say it but we all know that they were very disappointed with him, cos being the only male in the whole family, they have higher expectations of him.
However, they failed to see his strengths. He is an excellent artist. He can draw very very well. I always see his works and always never failed to get impressed. I am not talking about those kiddy drawings, but very nice drawings of comics and cartoons. So is my sister. Of the 3 of us, I am the only one who is better in my studies. The 2 of them are good in the arts. My brother's works are so good that he actually intended to send them in for some competition but in the end, did not do it cos of some unknown reason. Then again, he did not seem to bave much encouragement. Whenever he presented his works to my parents, their reactions were always the same. They would praised him for his work and then followed with their standard reply.
"It would be better if you can put in the same effort into your studies. We rather you excel in your studies than doing all these."
And then thats it.
What I am trying to say is this. Why are we always so harsh on our young ones? Is it something that is so inherent in our society that we do not even recognize it? The little girl on the plane is a Singaporean and her mum reacted to a very standard Singaporean attitude. Her first reaction was to scold her girl for hurting herself. What is wrong with our society actually?
I was watching the Singaporean film "I Not Stupid 2" this afternoon and it brought back lots of memories. The things that the kids talked about, their attitude and the retorts that they gave to the adults. They are so similar to what my brother once said during his schooling days. One really stood out.
"我做什么，你们都不会满意。”
Translation : "whatever I do, you will not be satisfy'.
There really is something wrong with our society. Why are we always focusing on the weaknesses instead of the strengths? Are we relying too much on academic results to judge a person's worth? I have this strange feeling that if my family were an American family for example, then I would be most worthless one in my family. I am only good at studying, my siblings are very creative and they have a skill which I will never be able to learn or pick up. I don have any inherent skill. If only my parents were to give my brother a little more encouragement in honing his artistic skills, perhaps he might just be an artist instead of what he is today.
So let us just remember this:
天生我才必有用。天下没有教不懂的孩子，只有不会教的父母。
When our young ones fail, its our failings and not theirs.
After seeing the movie, I am more resolute in not having any children. Its too huge of a responsiblity and I do not think that I will ever be ready to carry it.
She was sitting on her seat on the plane and beside her on the other row, there was this little girl who was being scolded by her mum. She was sobbing silently while her mum continued to ramble on and reprimand her for being a naughty and stupid girl.
Her undoing? She fell down and hurt herself while going into the plane and created a commotion as a result.
And then on the other side of her, on the exact same row, there was this Ausssie lady who was comforting her son. He had just scalded himself while drinking some soup. The little boy was crying cos it was obviously very painful and his mum was telling him how it was alright, comforting him and hugging him at the same time.
When I was younger, my brother always got into arguments with my dad. The 2 of them are so different and yet so similar at the same time. Both are so stubborn and yet both refuse to admit it. Well, actually everyone in my family are very stubborn but thats another story altogether. My dad is someone who prefers to follow the more rigid way in doing things. He prefers the safe route while my brother is someone who prefers to follow the alternate route, perhaps of his youth. He was never good in his studies, always failing and always getting the last in his classes. My parents would be very pissed why he could never concentrate on his studies. They did not outrightly say it but we all know that they were very disappointed with him, cos being the only male in the whole family, they have higher expectations of him.
However, they failed to see his strengths. He is an excellent artist. He can draw very very well. I always see his works and always never failed to get impressed. I am not talking about those kiddy drawings, but very nice drawings of comics and cartoons. So is my sister. Of the 3 of us, I am the only one who is better in my studies. The 2 of them are good in the arts. My brother's works are so good that he actually intended to send them in for some competition but in the end, did not do it cos of some unknown reason. Then again, he did not seem to bave much encouragement. Whenever he presented his works to my parents, their reactions were always the same. They would praised him for his work and then followed with their standard reply.
"It would be better if you can put in the same effort into your studies. We rather you excel in your studies than doing all these."
And then thats it.
What I am trying to say is this. Why are we always so harsh on our young ones? Is it something that is so inherent in our society that we do not even recognize it? The little girl on the plane is a Singaporean and her mum reacted to a very standard Singaporean attitude. Her first reaction was to scold her girl for hurting herself. What is wrong with our society actually?
I was watching the Singaporean film "I Not Stupid 2" this afternoon and it brought back lots of memories. The things that the kids talked about, their attitude and the retorts that they gave to the adults. They are so similar to what my brother once said during his schooling days. One really stood out.
"我做什么，你们都不会满意。”
Translation : "whatever I do, you will not be satisfy'.
There really is something wrong with our society. Why are we always focusing on the weaknesses instead of the strengths? Are we relying too much on academic results to judge a person's worth? I have this strange feeling that if my family were an American family for example, then I would be most worthless one in my family. I am only good at studying, my siblings are very creative and they have a skill which I will never be able to learn or pick up. I don have any inherent skill. If only my parents were to give my brother a little more encouragement in honing his artistic skills, perhaps he might just be an artist instead of what he is today.
So let us just remember this:
天生我才必有用。天下没有教不懂的孩子，只有不会教的父母。
When our young ones fail, its our failings and not theirs.
After seeing the movie, I am more resolute in not having any children. Its too huge of a responsiblity and I do not think that I will ever be ready to carry it.
Hands
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
and heart ache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
It would be that we're all OK
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
and heart ache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
911
I was surfing the net when I came across this very heartstrings pulling short film, done in the memory of those who died during the 911 tragedy.
I still recalled what happened during that faithful night. It was during my second year in the Uni and it was on a rather humid night. I was watching The Practice on the TV and was switching channels during the commercial break. Then suddenly there was a news flash on the bottom of the TV about how The World Trade Centre was under attack and the whole building was on fire. Out of curiousty, I switched over to CNA to get a better picture. The first thing that captured my attention was the chaos over at NYC. There was screams all over the site and papers and stuff were flying off the building. To tell the truth, up till that point, I have no idea what the WTC towers were, I never even know that NYC had such a tall building.
And then suddenly, the newscaster was very agitated. There were people jumping off the building. I think at that point, the female newscaster was actually shouting into the mic. At about 930-940pm, 1 tower collapsed into itself and then a few mins after, the other tower followed.
At the point when I saw people jumping off the building, I was so scared and freaked out that I actually felt a lump in my throat. Its so crazy. And now looking at this movie with Jewel singing in the background, I almost teared. Imagine if you or your loved ones were there. Those people who died did not even have a body left. Everything was totally destroyed.
I believe things happened for a reason but something so terrible should not have happened at all. Its totally meaningless. One can say that there are so many political and social elements that come into play which ultimately result in such a castatrophy but lets just leave all these out of the picture and think for a while. In the end, these are normal people who died. People just like you or me living their daily existence on a normal day. People who have no idea that that faithful day will be their last days of existence on this planet. That they will be seeing their wives, husbands, sons, daughters, parents for the very last time. They did not have the time to say their last goodbyes, did not have the time to tell their loved ones how much they loved them.
Watching such a film on a clear Sunday morning is defintely not a cheerful way to start the day.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Of food and shit
Someone once told me that whatever good food you eat will still come out as the same substance. So essentially it does not matter if you eat some common kaya bread or some higly sought after delicacy. You are still the same person before and after you finish your meal. So logically and practically, there is not much need to stuff your face with very expensive food since a common kaya bread will also serve the same purpose as a bowl of bird's nest soup, for example.
I used to beg to differ. This is because there must be something different between some higly sought after food and some common kaya bread. Yes, they still serve the same function, to fill your tummy but since the former is so damn expensive, there must be some quality that differentiates it from the common food that one usually eats. If not then why are people willing to pay a premium for them? Besides the popularity factor and the taste of course.
However, the emphasis is on the word "used to". I think my stand on this has been somewhat changed, after this morning.
After I did my first shitting.
Before going further, I must say that I love to shit. Its the most natural process and its so, should I say, enjoyable. So vindicative, and such a release! I always enjoy shitting, especially in my own toilet, not that shitting in some other toilet is not enjoyable too. Then again, there are also many factors that would determine the pleasure one gets from shitting. The quality of the shit, the time I am allowed to stay in the toilet (rushing for work in the morning always spoil my mood for shitting) and most of all, the cleanliness of the toilet. I hate to shit in some lousy, dirty and stinky toilet. Especially those where the most important equipment is missing. The toilet paper.
Anyway, enough of shitting. I am supposed to be talking about food.
This morning, I shit. It was so enjoyable! The quality of the shit was excellant, not too hard and not too liquid. And the period of release was so short, I do not have to stay in the loo for too long and I got everything out.
And so I thought "now what did I have last night?"
Abalones, shark's fin, crabs and some exotic tuby shellfish. It cost my boss $650 for the meal for 4 pax.
And they all come out this morning as the exact same substance as what I would produce if i were to have some normal kaya bread.
Hah!
And that lead me to come to the conclusion that different quality of food would still produce the same quality of shit. Well, perhaps healitier food would produce better quality shit but you get my point.
Thats enough shit and food for now.
I am too lazy to elaborate further.
I used to beg to differ. This is because there must be something different between some higly sought after food and some common kaya bread. Yes, they still serve the same function, to fill your tummy but since the former is so damn expensive, there must be some quality that differentiates it from the common food that one usually eats. If not then why are people willing to pay a premium for them? Besides the popularity factor and the taste of course.
However, the emphasis is on the word "used to". I think my stand on this has been somewhat changed, after this morning.
After I did my first shitting.
Before going further, I must say that I love to shit. Its the most natural process and its so, should I say, enjoyable. So vindicative, and such a release! I always enjoy shitting, especially in my own toilet, not that shitting in some other toilet is not enjoyable too. Then again, there are also many factors that would determine the pleasure one gets from shitting. The quality of the shit, the time I am allowed to stay in the toilet (rushing for work in the morning always spoil my mood for shitting) and most of all, the cleanliness of the toilet. I hate to shit in some lousy, dirty and stinky toilet. Especially those where the most important equipment is missing. The toilet paper.
Anyway, enough of shitting. I am supposed to be talking about food.
This morning, I shit. It was so enjoyable! The quality of the shit was excellant, not too hard and not too liquid. And the period of release was so short, I do not have to stay in the loo for too long and I got everything out.
And so I thought "now what did I have last night?"
Abalones, shark's fin, crabs and some exotic tuby shellfish. It cost my boss $650 for the meal for 4 pax.
And they all come out this morning as the exact same substance as what I would produce if i were to have some normal kaya bread.
Hah!
And that lead me to come to the conclusion that different quality of food would still produce the same quality of shit. Well, perhaps healitier food would produce better quality shit but you get my point.
Thats enough shit and food for now.
I am too lazy to elaborate further.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Back once more
For the past few weeks, or was it a month since I officially shut down my blog, I kept everything bottled up in me. With no one to tell the things and incidents that I went through the day, I found myself getting more and more talkative and more and more open about myself. Perhaps its time I come back and pen down my thoughts here. Besides I was actually asked to come back here. Its such a pleasant surprise that there are people who like reading what I wrote and its kinda warm. :)
And so here I am, once again typing out my thoughts and feelings here, hoping that doing this will help me lesson my emotional burden and troubles and occasionally spread my laughters and joys.
So much time has passed and so many things had happened. There is so much to be said but not much to be done cos my life has not changed much, its still as boring and irksome. Well, perhaps I should probably say that my life wasn't maybe as boring as before, it had became more tough, emotionally and stressful.
I was given additional responsibilities in work. I am now officially in charge of 7 persons in my dept. 3 office staff, 3 drivers and 1 general worker. Of course, the line of authority still flows. I have my assistant manager above me and my manager above her. But now, I am directly responsible for what my colleagues do and I am dealing less in operational duties and more in being my manager's unofficial secretary. A more apt title for me, perhaps.
Of course I welcome the challenge in the added responsibilities but then again, its really tough to handle human relationship problems. I hate dealing with such. If possible I would rather carry out my job without dealing with such interpersonal problems. Yet, I can't hide from the fact that such problems are inevitable. Its impossible to not be involved in such problems. Especially when you have a boss who seems to want to be the good guy all the time and push you to be the bad guy in handling people. I am always caught in the middle. And I still have my own duties to carry out. Sometimes I wonder why the hell am I staying in this job. The pay suck big time, I have a sucky boss and the place is so uninteresting. I am sure with my own qualitifcations, I will be able to find a better job elsewhere.
The thing is I learn a lot in this job. During my short stint at the previous company, I was given a specific role to play and whatever stuff that I learnt, its quite limited. Though the pay was high, the job has much prestige, given the name and the place was very interesting being in the town area, I was miserable there. There was much politics involved there and it was a big fish eat small fish environment. Everyone was so afraid of getting into trouble that everyone always tries to save their ass and their face. I was sort of marked down in the end, given the many mistakes I made as a result of that.
In this company, I know what I was dealing with and though I made some mistakes here and there, I was able to cope better here. The people here are definitely warmer than the previous company. And most importantly, I was given many chance to learn, though it was partly a "side effect" of my boss policy in throwing you into the ocean and letting you save youself rather than helping you. One can sort of say that its a very tough way to learn.
Whatever the case, I am happier here than the previous stint. Until now that is. And as I am too tired to elaborate more, I shall leave it as that.
But you can bet that I am not going to stay long in this company. I always believe that no one should stay forever in a job. Staying on stagnant water will not propel one forward. You will just get fixed in a specific position and when you want to move on, it might be too late for much time would have been lost and you cannot afford to move on.
Ok, enough about work. Lets move on to personal life.
Personally, I have matured a lot. Of course, its not only during this period when I went MIA. I came to this conclusion after much pondering about my current status. From the time I graduated, to this very exact moment, when I am typing here revealing myself to you here, I have grown. Mentally, emotionally. And of course sideways.
Of course all these came with a price. Its with much pain, tears and thinkings that I learnt. Such are the lessons of life. And the most important lessons that I have learnt is that nothing is for certain. 塞翁失马，焉知非富. Translation: losing your horse is not necessarily a bad thing to happen. The reverse is true too.
Implication; nothing is for sure in life. Many factors can come into play to change your life.
With this in mind, I have decided to let things go and move on. For those who know me, it seems like I have been saying this for a long time and yet everytime a little incident happens to remind me of what happened, I would get really troubled. Its perhaps a way for me to remind myself that I've gotta move on since I obviously cannot do that. But now, I am really going to move on. Its such a weight to carry and nothing good ever comes out of me in dwelling in it. Whats happened had happened and its been too long.
Besides, I have actually forgiven, not forgotten but forgiven.
So now, I say, whatever will be shall be, let things happen by themselves. Perhaps I am just too tired, tired to keep deciding how I should move on. I hate it, I need a direction and now is it. Though there will forever be an undeletable mark in my life resume, I should just ignore the mark and concentrate on more important stuff and continue updating my life resume. Life will be much more tolerable that way.
So now, I am back. Back for another ride and back to open my life to you here. I hope this second trip is more enjoyable here, and I will be updating my laughters and joys more than my headaches and heartaches. Goodness know I have enough of those already.
Lastly, my appologies for the abrupt exit here.
I am back. :)
And so here I am, once again typing out my thoughts and feelings here, hoping that doing this will help me lesson my emotional burden and troubles and occasionally spread my laughters and joys.
So much time has passed and so many things had happened. There is so much to be said but not much to be done cos my life has not changed much, its still as boring and irksome. Well, perhaps I should probably say that my life wasn't maybe as boring as before, it had became more tough, emotionally and stressful.
I was given additional responsibilities in work. I am now officially in charge of 7 persons in my dept. 3 office staff, 3 drivers and 1 general worker. Of course, the line of authority still flows. I have my assistant manager above me and my manager above her. But now, I am directly responsible for what my colleagues do and I am dealing less in operational duties and more in being my manager's unofficial secretary. A more apt title for me, perhaps.
Of course I welcome the challenge in the added responsibilities but then again, its really tough to handle human relationship problems. I hate dealing with such. If possible I would rather carry out my job without dealing with such interpersonal problems. Yet, I can't hide from the fact that such problems are inevitable. Its impossible to not be involved in such problems. Especially when you have a boss who seems to want to be the good guy all the time and push you to be the bad guy in handling people. I am always caught in the middle. And I still have my own duties to carry out. Sometimes I wonder why the hell am I staying in this job. The pay suck big time, I have a sucky boss and the place is so uninteresting. I am sure with my own qualitifcations, I will be able to find a better job elsewhere.
The thing is I learn a lot in this job. During my short stint at the previous company, I was given a specific role to play and whatever stuff that I learnt, its quite limited. Though the pay was high, the job has much prestige, given the name and the place was very interesting being in the town area, I was miserable there. There was much politics involved there and it was a big fish eat small fish environment. Everyone was so afraid of getting into trouble that everyone always tries to save their ass and their face. I was sort of marked down in the end, given the many mistakes I made as a result of that.
In this company, I know what I was dealing with and though I made some mistakes here and there, I was able to cope better here. The people here are definitely warmer than the previous company. And most importantly, I was given many chance to learn, though it was partly a "side effect" of my boss policy in throwing you into the ocean and letting you save youself rather than helping you. One can sort of say that its a very tough way to learn.
Whatever the case, I am happier here than the previous stint. Until now that is. And as I am too tired to elaborate more, I shall leave it as that.
But you can bet that I am not going to stay long in this company. I always believe that no one should stay forever in a job. Staying on stagnant water will not propel one forward. You will just get fixed in a specific position and when you want to move on, it might be too late for much time would have been lost and you cannot afford to move on.
Ok, enough about work. Lets move on to personal life.
Personally, I have matured a lot. Of course, its not only during this period when I went MIA. I came to this conclusion after much pondering about my current status. From the time I graduated, to this very exact moment, when I am typing here revealing myself to you here, I have grown. Mentally, emotionally. And of course sideways.
Of course all these came with a price. Its with much pain, tears and thinkings that I learnt. Such are the lessons of life. And the most important lessons that I have learnt is that nothing is for certain. 塞翁失马，焉知非富. Translation: losing your horse is not necessarily a bad thing to happen. The reverse is true too.
Implication; nothing is for sure in life. Many factors can come into play to change your life.
With this in mind, I have decided to let things go and move on. For those who know me, it seems like I have been saying this for a long time and yet everytime a little incident happens to remind me of what happened, I would get really troubled. Its perhaps a way for me to remind myself that I've gotta move on since I obviously cannot do that. But now, I am really going to move on. Its such a weight to carry and nothing good ever comes out of me in dwelling in it. Whats happened had happened and its been too long.
Besides, I have actually forgiven, not forgotten but forgiven.
So now, I say, whatever will be shall be, let things happen by themselves. Perhaps I am just too tired, tired to keep deciding how I should move on. I hate it, I need a direction and now is it. Though there will forever be an undeletable mark in my life resume, I should just ignore the mark and concentrate on more important stuff and continue updating my life resume. Life will be much more tolerable that way.
So now, I am back. Back for another ride and back to open my life to you here. I hope this second trip is more enjoyable here, and I will be updating my laughters and joys more than my headaches and heartaches. Goodness know I have enough of those already.
Lastly, my appologies for the abrupt exit here.
I am back. :)
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