A continuation of my previous posting. And its now more complicated and agonizing.
When I tendered my resignation, there wasn't much of a reaction from my boss. He accepted it and wished me good luck, which was kinda surprising cos he liked me a lot.
Then one day later, he had a long and serious talk with me, as per my last posting. He gave me a deadline to give him my answer on Mon.
And then yesterday, my 2 big bosses and a female senior manager of my company was also involved in trying to make me stay.
In the afternoon, the COO of the company called me to his room. The first thing he said was "Why?" I shall not go into details about the 2 hour long conversation but instead of asking me to stay with the company, he actually advised me on the kind of industry I should go. He also made the point that big companies are rather rigid and hard to manoeuver and most of the time when they do, there will be people left behind. Implications: its easy to get axed in a big MNC. And then he said his company is on the lookout of capable people and if I feel that my current department is not suitable for me, he will transfer me out to another area. He offered me a position in a new department, which was newly set up, an area where they are totally no one at the moment.
I replied that I have already made up my mind and is actually looking forward to joining the new company and it is really kinda hard for me to pull myself back to work in his company at the moment. However, since I promised my boss to rethink my decision, I shall give him and myself a chance and think about his offer and let him know my answer on Monday.
An hour after his long talk with me, I was called up into a senior manager's room. She is a rather chatty lady and has the amazing ability to analyze the situation and then come up with solutions. The funny thing is she is not even my direct boss and has no direct chain of command over me.
It turned out that my CEO called her to talk to me, asking her to find out from me the real reason why I am leaving and perhaps to persuade me to stay.
And so I told her. I am in fact very tired. Its been a long and tiring journey with the company. I have just reach my breaking point long ago and yet I am still struggling on. No doubt, I learnt a lot from the experiences that was offered to me but when your work is actually affecting your personality and taking up too much of your private life, it is really not worth it. I told her this. "can you imagine my duties now are split into 3 persons? That was my work load in the past and somemore, I wasn't really given much of a time to learn before I was thrown into the duties. I was sort of thrown into the ocean without knowing how to swim. I did almost drowned a couple of times but its taking up all my strength. Even though my duties are now evenly spreaded out, I am at the point of a burntout. I am so tired that in fact whenever I stepped into the company, I just feel like running away. There were times when I broke down and I still had to clenched my teeth and struggled on. And the frustration of working is affecting me and my personality. I became very bad tempered and very fouled mouthed, ticked off easily by little things. My relationship with my parents suffered and I always feel so tired. Two months ago, I tendered my resignation but held back cos I had not found a job. And then now that my boss took out my duties and arranged everything nicely and since I had found a new job, its really time for me to leave.
She told me that actually she talked to my boss a while back regarding me. She told him that it is no way to make someone work so hard. There will come a breaking point. No matter how committed a worker is, there will come a point when too much is too much. This is what is happening to me at the moment. However she also said, you must also think about your career path. The company had already planned out something for you and if I really don like what I am doing, there perhaps I can transfer to the new department and be a pioneer there and set up the operations there. I told her that I will think about my decision and give my answer to everyone on Mon. But I strongly indicated to her that I have already decided. The last word that she said to me was "whatever decision that you took, just make sure that you are happy with it and will not regret it."
And then that night, my boss took me out with my colleagues to the karoke. It was just like in the past when all of us just make a fools out of ourselves, me especially and got drunk. I am actually writing this entry with trembling hands and a hungover. Boss himself even stayed back late and joined us for the drinking session when he never really like to drink much. And as before, I puked so much that I had cramps. My colleague who drove me home had to park his car in a parking lot cos he did not dare to drive after a while. Too tired and too drunk. I only reached home at 6am this morning in fact...
And so dear readers of this blog, ms froggie here really need some advices. Am I making a wrong decision here by leaving the company when the bosses really like me so much and think so highly of me? Or if I were to stay, will I be giving up a good opportunity?
Argh! What should I do? Monday is the d-day!!! Help!
As she lay there in the still of the evening, she felt at peace with herself. She looked at his closed eyes, touched his lips, felt his breathe and see the fine hair on his hands. He looked so beautiful when he was sleeping.
