iRis

New Blog

2007-05-06T19:09:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

Its with much pleasure that I announced the URL of my new blog at blurfroggie.wordpress.com

Why did I decided to change? Well, read the new one and you will know.

See you guys there then!

Ms Froggie

I love my new mushroom lamp

2007-05-06T01:46:00.000+08:00

I love my new red mushroom lamp, its so cute!

USB operated hor, meaning its using my laptop to power it, cool right!

One freaky night

2007-05-05T13:41:00.000+08:00

There was this function last night and as usual the boss wanted to go Dragonfly at St James after that. I tell ya, every since he found out about the place, we have been going there at least once every single week. The guys are the VIPs of that place so every time, we go there, there will be seats ready for us. Last night, the club was totally packed and we could not even get through the entrance even though we had seats ready for us inside. In the end, we had to squeeze through the staff entrance to go inside. It was real crazy.

Anyway, something freaky happened during the night.

One of the boss' friend came and join us. He looked ok and decent enough. He was rather gentlemanly too, or so I thought.

As usual, we had a little drinking session. I downed a third of a glass of Martell, straight up on the rocks with no mixer. It sure burned, I could feel the liquid burning down my throat down to my gastric.

Now, normally I would be able to hold this well, but for some reason I felt a little tipsy after the glass. Maybe from the lack of food before drinking I guess. Anyway, I was getting a little flushed and as with all alcohols, it really brought out the bold side of me. I felt myself getting a little high and very bold and cheeky.

And then MO asked me to try to get that friend of my boss drunk. Apparently, he does not get drunk easily and as I was feeling very egoistic about myself, I challenged him to get me drunk. I downed another half a glass and made him finish the rest of the glass. He did it easily. Thats when I noticed that he seemed to like to hug me. At that point, I thought he was just being friendly, I mean I was a little tipsy so it should be alright for him to steady me by hugging me. So I hugged him back. His hands were all over me though, but I was too confused to care.

And then someone knocked my hands while I was holding my glass of wine, twice. The glass spilled out its contents onto my hands. Thats when the freaky thing happened.

That gentleman saw it and then smiling, he grabbed my hands and then licked my hand from the wrist to my elbow! I was stunned, no matter how drunk I was! Gosh, he felt sticky!

Then he stood up and smiled at me again! Argh! I did not know how to react or what to do, I looked at him and smiled back then offered him more drink. He declined and then hugged me again! Woah, now thats going too far!

So I made some excuse and moved away. To another freaky incident.

I moved inwards and ended up standing beside the other table. There was a bunch of young guys there and one of them saw me. He approached me and placed his hand around my waist and shouted into my ears.

"Hey, you looked drunk." Followed by some unintelligible words.

Then he introduced himself which I promptly forgot his name.

And then he asked me," Do you have a boyfriend? Can I have your number please?" And then pushed his mobile to me. I laughed and said, " I am too old for you!"

He still did not give up, and continued to hug me tightly. My friend who was standing beside me saw this and asked if I knew him. I told her no and I had no idea who the hell was that!

And that was when my knights in shining armors came to my rescue. Mike and Winston, on seeing that I was in some kinda fix, slowly squeezed through the crowd and came over. I saw them and quickly pulled them near me.

Then I turned over to that young punk and smiled at him. I pulled him close and shouted to him. "You want my number? Get it from my brothers here!"

The stupid drunk was too deaf to hear me and asked me,"Are these your boyfriend?"

I looked at him and shouted again, "These are my brothers! Go get my number from them if you want!" And then I pulled my friend to the toilet.

I did not know what happened after that but the punk's friends on seeing Mike and Winston (they really looked menacing then) pulled him away from our table and I saw them going to the exit.

I tell ya, never underestimate the power of alcohol, it really make you do crazy things on impulse....

Just so you know

2007-05-01T21:31:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I dont know how to be fine when I'm not
Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feelings taking control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before you go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to
Be around you
Theres so much I can't say
And do you want me to hide the feelings
And look away

This emptyness is killing me
I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Lookin back I realize it was always there to be spoken
Now I'm waiting here
Been waiting here

What do I want?

2007-04-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

"Too often, the thing that you want most is the thing that you can't have. Desire, leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life.

But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don know what they want."

Maybe thats why I am still suffering?

I am going to get a new phone

2007-04-30T20:32:00.000+08:00

My phone underwent a traumatizing incident while I was in Thailand.

I was sitting merrily on the boat during the boat ride when I received an SMS. It was from my mum and so automatically I replied her. Just as I pressed "sent", I looked up and there was this guy on the boat beside us who was dipping his pail into the river water. The next thing I knew was I was soaked in river water. For the uninitiated, it was Songkran, the Thail's new year, also known as the water festival and one can just throw water on anyone that you see.

And so me and my poor K750i was soaked in water. As I wiped off the water, I saw a water stain on the screen. There was nothing I can do but hope nothing was wrong with my phone. After a night in the cold hotel room, the water stain was gone.

And this gave me the perfect excuse to get a new phone! I have been wanting to get a new phone but just did not have an excuse to get replace my old phone. With this incident, I figured I might as well get a new phone since its gonna spoil soon.

My choices are as followed:

1) K800i
2) W880i
3) K810i

And the winner: the ultra cool K810i!!!!

I think its another love at first sight phone, this baby is so cool! Just look at the buttons, and the ultra slimness. And most of all, the Cyber Shot camer, 3.2 pixels of it!

I am so gonna get this phone. Now, the only concern is the price..

Besides this, I cannot bear to let go of my faithful K750i, shes been with me through thick and thin, dry or wet and just replacing her just seems so cruel..

Sigh.. choices, choices again.

I am leaving

2007-04-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
Its early morn
The taxis waiting
Hes blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Theres so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Floating mass of shapeless feelings

2007-04-29T18:19:00.000+08:00

Love is a very strange thing, the more you try to go in search for it, the more elusive it will be. And then when you least expected it, it just came like a whirlwind and hit you straight in the face by surprise. Sometimes its a pleasant surprise while other times, its quite a nasty shock.

Decay was just talking about When You Love Someone and promising that he will be giving all he has for the person that he loves. Which I think is a very sweet and very sentimental thing. Hes got comment that love is not just about giving, its about giving and taking in the correct proportion and someone also commented that she would be rather freaked when the man who loves her gives her too much cos she is scared that he might just turned into a psycho in the event that that relationship does not work out.

What is love?

Perhaps its about giving and taking but ultimately when you love someone so much, you would want to give so much to him that you do not even mind hurting yourself in the process. Because you have already lost yourself in love, you don exist anymore, your existence is purely just for him and he is everything to you.

That said, the ultimate expression of love however is not to have but rather to let go. Many times I heard the expression that the more you hold and control, the more you will lose. Maybe this should be what love is about, to let go so whoever you love will be happy and free. Because, love is so elusive that its like water, you cannot hold on to water, the more you try to hold it, the more it will seep through your fingers and then you will be left with nothing, nothing at all.

And because you love him so much, it certainly hurt to let him go. But because at the end of the day, you just want to see a smile on his face that your hurt does not matter anymore, you just want him to be happy. To know that he is free and happy.

So you tell me, how can something so pretty and warm as love be so conflicting and enigmatic?

Maybe there are no true and concrete definitions of love, maybe its supposed to be like a floating transparent mass of shapeless feelings. Maybe thats why its so beautiful because there is no way to quantify and define it. Maybe thats why we humans are always so confused about how we should go about loving someone and how we should express our love. Maybe the best expression of love is just to take it easy, not rushing it, not forcing this floating transparent mass of shapeless feelings into a solid container in the hope that your love will give you the result that you want.

Because forcing it will just bring more tears and more pain.

Lodged bone

2007-04-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

Today was my birthday and everything was fine during the day. Watched Aein, a Korean romance show, cried during the show from the agonizing but torrid love affair, enjoyed a bowl of hot self made noodles with sausages in the morning and went to try out my new thongs bought from Thailand.

All in all, quite a satisfactory way to spend my 27th birthday morning.

In the noon, I went out with Mr D, wore my new halter top, attracted some unwanted attention but still had loads of fun. Then I insisted to have Japanese food for dinner and so we went to Tampines mall to have dinner.

Thats when the my birthday starts to go down the hill.

When we reached the mall, it was packed with shitloads of people. We were looking around looking for a Japanese restaurant and then found one. Genki Sushi. I rather like this sushi chain cos for one, they served cheaper sushi than the normal Sakae Sushi and for the other, their food is rather nice for their price.

We looked at the menu and order some of my favorite food. The unagi tofu yanagawa was one of the item.
Now, the unagi pieces being served were supposed to be without bones. Even if they were with bones, they were supposed to be easy to chew and swallow.

No, it wasn't meant to be.

When the dish came, I had 2 reactions. First, I was very disappointed with the size of the dish, it had shrunk, including the unagi pieces. From the large chunks that you see on the photo, it has shrunk to about a quarter. Second, it wasn't even on a hotplate at all, it was on a plastic plate, disguised poorly to look like a hotplate.

Anyway, not wanting to waste my money and the food, I chomped down my first mouthful. And then the second mouthful. Which consisted of the pathetic unagi pieces, egg and toufu. And a piece of unagi bone.

It stuck and I could not get it up or down, no matter how hard I tried. I swallowed a whole piece of sushi, drank half a can of coke, and even almost drank some white vinegar if not for the fact that restaurant did not have any. I even resorted to making myself puke out my dinner hoping to push out that piece of stupid bone None of it helps. The darn piece of bone was just stuck fast in my throat and it hurt, a lot. Every time I swallowed saliva, or breathe or just turned my head, I would feel that darn thing lodged in my throat and it felt like there was a needle there. It was painful as hell.

No choice, I had to look for professional help. We went to a clinic to seek an expert.

The doc put on a pair of glove and asked me, "Do you gag easily?"

"Erm, I just puked out my dinner so even if I gag, I doubt there would be anything coming out."

Doc gave a short laugh, asked me to say ahhhh with my mouth opened widely and then proceeded to probe my throat with his hand, feeling for the bone.

Still, he could not take out that darn thing.

So he went to get a long tweezer and asked me to open my mouth again. This time, he probed deeper and a moment later, he withdrew that bloody thing from my throat. It was transparent and bent at the end. It was about 1cm long.

I looked at the thing and said, "This bloody thing made me puked out my dinner."

Doc laughed again and I went to foot his fees.

Cost of the dinner that I puked out : $46
Cost of doc's fee for taking out the stupid bone: $50

So all in all, I spent $46 on my dinner, including that stupid fish bone and then to puke out my dinner and another $50 to take out that bone from my throat.

What a way to spend my birthday.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2007-04-21T09:56:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Me!

Another year gone since my memorable birthday entry.

Sigh, I am still the same person, had not done anything memorable actually. Its rather sad actually. The only difference perhaps is that I put on a couple of kilograms.

Now, thats even sadder.

Anyway, this year, I think I am happier than last year, which is a good sign and a bad sign actually. Good cos I am more optimistic, bad cos when I am happy, I tend to eat and thus contribute to my expanding waistline. Argh. I am like stuck in a Catch-22 situation.

So, my dear fans, ms froggie is now officially 27 years old this year, can round off to be 30 years old already.

Shit.

The French maid lingerie

2007-04-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

I thought of another funny incident while in Bangkok last week.

I was in this store, aptly called Undercover, waiting for Cons and Ivy to finish trying their lovely bras. I was sitting in a corner, comfortably in an armchair, hating my breasts silently cos I wasn't able to fit inside any of the lovely bras. Sometimes I seriously hate my body, especially my breasts.

Anyway, the store was rather small, though it was very well furnished, dim lights with rows of underwear hanging all over the place. I was sitting under a row of sexy lingerie, those full body suits that ladies like to wear to tempt their men. They really looked lovely, lacy, naughty and colorful! Some of the suits came with lacy garter belts too! So exciting!

I got distracted.

And so I was sitting there, looking regrettably and lovingly at the lingerie all over the store. In walked this Singaporean couple. I had a feeling that they thought I was a Thai cos they did not seem to mind me there while talking rather intimately.. And thats where the fun starts. Heh.

The conversation goes something like the following.

Girl (rather loudly): "So dear, take your pick, which one would you like? Which one is nice?"

Guy (happily like a boy who had just entered a toy shop): "Hmm.. All of them look so pretty! Hoo..!"

They were looking at the higher rows of lingerie, those that are rather kinky and exciting. And I was just sitting directly underneath it.

Guy (excitedly point at the a piece hanging highest up at a corner): "That one! The French maid suit!"

Girl: "Har, that one ah? Only black and white, not very pretty leh. And so small too."

What followed was a series of pestering from the guy, trying to persuade his girlfriend to get the French maid lacy suit. They picked the piece off the shelf, they felt the fabric and more bantering between them followed. Girl, not really sure if she should get the piece, guy very adamant to get his girlfriend to wear the piece for him.

Then suddenly.

Girl: "Actually its very tight leh, I will be very uncomfortable after putting it on leh. See the belt so tight!"

Guy: "Aiyah, tight never mind lah! It will be off 10 minutes after you put it on lor!"

Girl looked at guy with crossed eyes while guy laughed away happily at his own joke.

In the end, Girl still did not want to get the French maid suit, much to the disappointment of her boyfriend. Poor guy exited from the store, walking slowly behind his girlfriend as they left the store.

Sigh, some girls are really quite boring!

Thailand trip: 130407 to 160407

2007-04-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

April 13 to 16 is one of the hottest day in Thailand. It is also when they celebrate their New Year, or Songkran. For the uninitiated, Songkran is also known as their Water Festival, cos the whole country literally throw water anywhere, at anyone.

I had my first trip to Thailand during the past weekend, with Cons and Ivy. We did not know that it was their New Year when we booked the flight for that day. The trip, other than the heat, turned out really fulfilling, in terms of the shopping conquests that we did. There were some very funny incidents on the way though, hah!

First day, we checked into the Singapore Budget Terminal. It was really built on a budget expenditure. The hall looks something right out of the expo hall, bare and sparsely furnished.

The flight there was very smooth and I got my first taste of flying. Got a little sweaty palms but other than that it was a very calming and rather nice flight there. A little side track here, I seriously think Tiger Airway need to find better looking air stewardesses...

2 hours later, we landed at the new and spanking Suvarnabhumi Airport. Describing it as huge is just an understatement! The landing strips for airplanes to take off and land are so wide that I don even know where the starting and ending points were!

Next, to get a cab to our hotel. There were queues of taxis outside waiting and there were those cabbies who were trying to push their limousine cabs to us. We were surrounded by a couple of men who were trying to push their limousines to us. Initial offer: 800 baht. We walked away and they lowered to 700 baht. We walked further and they decided we were too smart for their tactics and left us alone. In the end, we hopped onto one that offer to bring us to Baiyoke Suite Hotel at 400 baht, including service charge that his agent of some sort charge of 50 baht.

A little side note here, Baiyoke hotel is cheap and good, but don be fooled by the classy pictures. The room is huge, it has a living room for watching TV and a sleeping quarters. My few complains about the place was the super cold aircon which does not seem to be adjustable in its temperature and the placement of the TV, which was in the living room and we were not able to watch it while lying on bed.

Anyway, we settled down and set out for shopping! First stop, Maboonkong (MBK) shopping center! Again, describing it huge was super understatement. One can literally get lost in the center.

There were bridges linking to the shopping center and it was very accessible. Walking there from the train station was very convenient but the weather was terribly hot. Super hot and dry.

Anyway, once inside, we went in search for food. I found my first Dunkin' Donuts. I tell ya, their blueberry donuts were the best!

Cons and Ivy bought some munchkins.

So after fulfilling our tummies, we prowled around looking for bargains. We went inside Wacoal, in search for lingeries, being the sensual females that we are. Heh.

I was browsing around, trying to search for a perfect bra. Then, a salesgirl came over and asked me, "Miss, want to try T-shirt bra?"

I thought why not. So I went over and she showed me the shelf. She asked for my size and I said, "B80."

She went, in very halting English, "No no! No B80! You E cup!"

I almost choked and Cons who happened to be beside me burst out laughing!

"No no! I no E cup! I C cup at most!"

She was rather indignant about it and insisted, "No! You E Cup! You E75" Then she walked over and put a bra over my breasts and squeezed my breasts!

She squeezed my breasts!!! She actually squeezed my breasts! A stranger squeezed my breasts! Gawd! Cons by now was laughing openly at me.

I tried the bra, it fits perfectly, thus confirming her conclusion that I am an E cup. I sheepishly agreed that I was E cup and went to pay for the bra. The cashier was a male. The sales girl very happily walked over and told me,"See, you E cup!"

The cashier was grinning very merrily when he heard her.

My first ever E cup bra. Cons said the Thai women have very small frames so my bigger breasts to them are humongous. Anyway, I should be flattered that I have naturally big breasts. And not to mention the width dropped from 80 to 75 so I probably slimmed down. Heh!

It was quite ironic cos after we came out of the store, we saw this poster outside a salon providing breasts augmentation cum surgery services. We were laughing at the many breasts size and trying to find out which category does our breasts fit into!

We also caught these 2 sales girl dancing there trying to attract crowds.

Next stop, Siam Center. This was a rather special shopping area. Its not exactly a shopping building but rather made up of a series of shops along a couple of streets. The stuff there sold are super cheap. Normal price would be about 100 baht for a pair of shoes or for some bags or stuff. Thats like SGD4.40 for each items! I bought a couple of shoes there, some earrings etc. Cons and Ivy bought some shoes and undies. I tell ya, this trip should be called the undies trip! I will come to that later.

After loitering at MBK and Siam Center for a while, we went to the famous Chinatown street to enjoy some shark's fins and bird nest soup. They really do serve very cheap cheap shark's fins and bird nests! I noticed that there weren't many Caucasians there even though the whole Thailand seemed to be swarmed with them. Probably they could not accept the idea of eating sharks' fins and swiftlets' saliva! Hah, a bunch of chickens!

The sharks' fins were quite nice, normal sharks' fins taste but the bird nests taste terrible. Its just like sugar water with plasticky looking flecks cooked together. Cons did not even want to touch hers after a mouthful. Me and Ivy managed to finish about half a cup and stopped eating altogether. I was too full from the lunch and the sharks' fin to continue anyway. The hawkers thought their bird nests soup were not sweet enough and even offered me a little pot of sugar to add into our bird nests. For a while we were discussing how to get out of the awkward situation cos we just did not want to continue drinking our soup without offending him and we were blaming Cons for it. Haha! In the end, I just stood up and tell the girls to make a run for it, heh!

Our hawker who cooked our bird nest soup. He must have probably felt that his soup taste weird cos he actually went to taste his pot of bird nest soup himself after seeing that Cons was making some funny faces about the soup! Haha! Poor guy.

On the second day, we head straight for Chatuchak. I tell ya, this is the king of all street markets. The whole area is like a maze, a series of never ending maze and we literally got lost there. Happily lost of course. There are tons of clothes, wares, accessories, bags, belts, food, etc for sale and at super cheap prices! Average price tags starts at 100 baht and some expensive items can go up to about 600 bahts. Thats like about 4 bucks to just less than 30 bucks! And the best thing is you can slash price with the hawkers! I got 4 shirts, more accessories. Cons and Ivy got more undies, some skirts, bags and more undies. Now you know why I called this Thailand trip an undies trip?

As it was the Songkran festival, there were kids and young people squirting water at us. They were really getting into the mood of the festival, the atmosphere was so joyous! Initially we girls were trying our best to avoid the water but after a long while of walking around on the super hot day, we just kinda gave up. It was rather refreshing to have water squirted at you when you were feeling hot and sticky all over. I even commented that I would not mind standing in front of the kids, letting them squirt water on me! Haha!

The heat was too much for us to take and so we went back to the only air conditioned shopping center that we knew to take some heat off. MBK. I think we went there once on every day of the 4 days we were there!

Cons and Ivy went to doll their fingernails up while I watched aside in amazement at the skillful ladies painting tiny art on their nails.

We got more undies at Siam center and bought more stuff there. It was so fulfilling and exciting to get a good bargain and to know that you will never be able to get these stuff at that kind of prices in Singapore. We even met a fellow Singaporean girl there and sort of ended up discussing with her how the stuff in Singapore are way too exorbitant already.

Third day, we decided to go for some Thai massage. I tell ya, these masseuses are really strong! I am not exactly very small size myself but they could really twist and turn my body at a blink of the eyes! It was morbidly satisfying to hear cracking sounds from the contortion of my body. Heh.

After the massage, we felt like some sightseeing. And ended up being katok like some foolish tourists. Went for a boat tour around Thailand's river at the recommendation of a cabbie which
cost us like 600 baht each. Should have spent the money on some other shopping.

Even went to a snake farm which interestingly also featured other animals. Saw lots of monkeys, a couple of tigers with really large face, a super furly bear, a couple of peacocks, lots of snakes and lots of parrots.

The supposedly very famous snake show lasted for a disappointing 5-10 mins.

After the ride, the boatman dropped us off at their central pier and the Songkran festival was in full force. When I said full force, it was really in full force, literally. Its near a Buddhist temple palace, and there were tons of people around. The size of the place is so huge that nowhere in Singapore will you be able to see something like this. And there were lots of people, locals as well as foreigners throwing water, throwing powder everywhere! It was rather intimating. After walking around for a while, and being refused entry into their temple cos I was wearing shorts, we figured we might as well go somewhere else.

And so we went to the famous 4-faced Buddha statue that lots of Singaporeans go there to ask for best wishes. It was right in front of their Central Square, another humongous shopping center but we had quite a challenging time telling the cabbie where were wanted to go cos the man did not know a word of English. In the end, I had to write on his notepad and then point to my face while holding up 4 fingers to indicate where we wanted to go!

After some teary eyes and some figuring out on which direction should we start to pray at the statue, we proceeded to Central World. Its a newly built huge shopping center and there was also an event celebrating the Songkran festival there. We went there and tried this steamboat restaurant called the Bar-B-Q Plaza. It was fantastic. The sauce was perfect and best thing it was cheap. We paid like 350baht for the entire meal!

After that, we kinda ran out on Thai baht and went o do some exchange before going back to Siam Square and MBK again. Heh. We just could not think of other places to go to.

Bought some more undies and went back to Pratunam, back to our hotel area. I almost kenna katok again by a hawker. I saw this white shirt that I would like to get for a friend and went to ask for the price. The woman quoted me 150 baht. I wanted to shop around some more and dropped the offer. About an hour later, I went back and asked her for the price and she quoted me 190 baht. I insisted that she quoted me 150 baht before and she insisted that its always 190 baht. Actually, I was ok with the price cos 190 baht for a shirt is still very cheap but I just could not accept the idea that I was being katok like a fool so I walked away, refusing to take her offer up.

Forth day consisted of some last minute shopping, more binging on food and more walking around under the hot Thailand sun. Went back to MBK to have the Bar-B-Q Plaza thingy. Me and Cons just could not get enough of the steamboat. Too tired and too poor on cash to shop anymore, we went to the airport to crash out.

Our luggages. Very heavy.

Finally time for boarding and checking in. Realized that there wasn't any airport tax and not wanting to waste the 500 baht that we kept for the tax, we spent it on our last meal. Think there was something wrong with the meal cos the 3 of us ended up with diarrhea. Thats why I am sitting here at home blogging my trip instead of working in the office. I think I felt another strong urge to visit the toilet again.

My conquests:

Of course these do not include the purchases that I got for my family and my colleagues. I also got a perfume, mascara, liquor from the airport.

Phew, I think I threw in like SGD800 bucks on this trip, including hotel and airfare. All in all, a very exciting and fulfilling trip. Definitely going back to Thailand again in the near future!

Now, to nurse my sore tummy....

My gigantic blister!

2007-04-10T21:05:00.000+08:00

I bought a new pair of shoes last week. And as with all female shoes, it bites my feet.

And this time, this pair of shoes decided to leave me with a souvenir.

A gigantic blister!

Anyone got any sharp needles??

P/S: pls disregard the mis-shapen toes.

Visually molested?

2007-04-08T15:25:00.000+08:00

I have always wonder what is it with woman's breasts that turns a man on. I mean, man has breasts too but why do man NOT look or stare at each other's breasts?

I was feeling a little hungry while watching Prison Break. I was absolutely hooked on that show by the way, just finished the entire Season 1 last week and now about 90% through Season 2. Anyway, as I was saying, I was feeling rather hungry while watching Prison Break and thought of getting some food. And with that thought, I went to the coffee shop downstairs to search for food.

As it was just a lift distance away, I did not bother to change. Or wear any undergarments either and by that I meant I did not wear any bra. I figured I was in a super over sized T-shirt so my breasts should not be conspicuous. Besides my hair were sticking out all over the place and I look absolutely unfriendly and crazy, which logically implied a lack of possible unwanted attention. Which was exactly what I wanted anyway.

Or so I thought.

I was walking towards the grocery store beside the coffee shop and there was this man standing at the counter paying for his stuff. He turned his head when I was walking towards the store and immediately his eyes strayed to my chest, down to my you know where.

I stared at him. He looked up.

And looked at my chest again.

I could have sworn that he had this smirk on his face while he was enjoying his view. That asshole. I glared at him, though he wasn't even paying any attention to my glare. He was more interested in another view.

I had to continue to the coffee shop, feeling very pissed and disgusted with that man.

I went to the store to order my food. I turned my head and there was this other man sitting on my left. He was talking to another man and when he turned his head to my direction, he looked at my face for a split second.

And then his gaze strayed to my chest.

Gawd! What the hell is wrong with men!?

He stared for a while, then had the cheek to look at me and smile at me!

By this time, I was feeling very pissed and disgusted. But still I cannot do anything. These 2 buggers did not touch me at all. They just managed to visually molest me so I could not do anything. Right?

With that thought, I grabbed my food and scooted home.

Argh.

Hope & reality

2007-04-06T16:05:00.000+08:00

Hope is a very funny thing. It allows you to go on, in fact it gives you the courage to go on, no matter how hard the journey is. No matter if the journey will just lead you to nowhere.

Yet you still go on, expecting that you will get rewarded.

Perhaps hope is what alters your expectations. It alters your expectations in such a way so that you get the idea that you will get what you expected.

Reality therefore is not something that should be associated with hope. For reality might just be the total opposite of what you hope you can achieve.

Reality sucks but hope makes the sucking easier I guess.

I hope for a lot of things, I hope one day I will be able to see the truth, to be able to free myself from all the chains that are now binding me today, tomorrow and maybe even years down the road.

I hope that one day you will see what I am, to be able to know how I feel, to feel what I am going through, to see what I see and to feel what I see.

I hope that one day you will understand me truly, to understand why I am doing what I am doing. I hope that one day I will get appreciated for what I did for you.

Hope, the one thing that Pandora trapped in her box, a simple four letter word that spurs everyone through their life journey.

In a perfect world, everyone will get what they hope for. But we do not live in a perfect world ain't we? We live in the reality and hope is just a luxury that everyone indulges in, to keep on living..

25 hours

2007-04-04T22:56:00.000+08:00

Its been a tiring and tiring past couple of weeks for me. There are just too many things and projects at work to complete and it seems that 24 hours per day is not enough for my work, my leisure, my family and my friends.

Sometimes I just feel like tearing myself apart or just clone more of me so that I can satisfy everyone at the same time. So that I can fulfill other expectations.

Anyway, workwise, its been rather enriching. And very challenging, in a politically correct sense of words. For the first time in my life I feel limited in languages, in the written form.

For I am tasked for a project in Chinese or Mandarin, I can never get the difference between these 2 words by the way. I was asked to prepare a presentation in Chinese and then a presentation script in Chinese. That was the hardest part, or so I thought.

Until the Chinese delegates came.

The tedious thing about communication in another language, one which you have disdain for, is the accent of the other party whom you are communicating with. Other than the fact that your language is quite limited to the same few syllabus that you normally used, you still have to get used to his accent.

Anyway, the Chinese delegates spoke Chinese of course, and they spoke very fast. It was rather tough getting used to, I had to really open my ears wide and try to catch and understand what they are trying to say.

But other than for this, I must say I had quite an interesting time to polish up my Chinese!

My personal life has seem to have taken a back seat. Sometimes I really cannot understand how successful people can juggle between their personal lives and their career. I mean there are just so much amount of time you can afford to give to other people. I for one need my own personal time, like now, peace and quietness, what a luxury!

The more I concentrate on my career, the more worried I am. About losing my focus, losing myself. The more I focus on my work, the more I seem to give up personally. Cos there are just so much multi-taskings that I can afford.

And now, I am rather worried that I am walking down this path now. To me, somethings gotta give, you either have a very fulfilling family life or you have an established career. Somehow the idea of me being a career woman with a family of my own just does not seem right for me. I either foresee myself as a modern working woman or a stay home housewife or mother.

So sad. Cos at the current rate I am going, I seem to be venturing down a lonely path of singlehood with a reluctant acceptance for my work commitments.

I really wish there are more than 24 hours a day, perhaps 25 hours? The last hour being one which I can dedicate solely for myself.

Here (in your arms)

2007-04-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

I like where we are,
When we drive, in your car
I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I like where you sleep,
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Our lips, can touch
Our lips, can touch...here

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you miss you
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Here in your arms.

I want an empty gastric

2007-03-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

Lately I do not seem to want to have food inside. Don get me wrong, I am still eating but after I am full, I feel full, as in really really bloated kinda full.

Which is real uncomfortable.

I have no idea what happened suddenly, perhaps my hormones are wrecking up my internals again but I seem to get turned off by the food inside my body.

So I did the next logical thing to do. I puked up my food.

Now, puking has its good and bad points. For the first, it made me more comfortable. I feel released, as if my burden has been lifted. Everything feels lighter and my tummy even feels flatter! Basically, I just feel like a kinda of heavy weight has been lifted from my body, literally and the feeling is just so comfortable, for lack of a better word.

But as things go, there are both sides to everything. Puking makes me tear and its a real messy affair. And not to mention troublesome. I had to stick my fingers deep into my throat and force myself to gag hard while contracting my gastric at the same time so that my food will be forced out. I think I have a very tough and strong gastric, it takes a long time before my food can be forced out. And thats like half an hour passed after I had my meal.

Don get me wrong, I ain't getting bulimia here. I ain't binging or self loath here. I just do not feel comfortable with food inside me, I feel heavy when I eat and I feel tired and sick when I have food inside. My puking is a result of logical processing of thoughts instead of an illogical sense of psychological self esteem issue. And I ain't hiding my puking habits here.

I do binge on sweets though. Heh.

Anyway, anyone here got such feelings before?

Ozzie again

2007-03-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

Constance called me the other day, she asked if I was still interested in moving out and staying with her.

I told her I dunno cos like what she said, I do not want my parents to think that I have abandon them by moving out.

Then again, the option of moving out is becoming rather attractive.

Considering that my bro is coming home a lot these days and my sis is back to sleeping in the same room as me. With smelly Ozzie.

And considering that she just brought back another baby parrot, though she said she will just be taking care of the poor bird and letting it go after its well enough to fly, (my mum told me her friend saved it from the crutches of an eagle apparently).

And also considering that I just find it harder and harder to tolerate her irrational ways of thinking that I am biased against Ozzie when I am not.

Now, let me just elaborate why by giving you an example.

I was sitting on my desk watching DVD. I stretched my legs under the table and kicked something soft. Stupid Ozzie was snuggled up under the table sleeping. I asked her to get out but she ignored me. I tugged at her collar and pushed her out from under the table.

My sis shouted at me. Before Ozzie the idiot dog walked out slowly, as if enjoying the moment.

I just wished at that moment that I should just go ahead and kick that dog right in the middle instead of pulling it out from under the table to avoid her from getting kicked by me accidentally.
Things like this will always continue to happen as long as the animals are in the family. Becos of my sis, I have gotten more and more easily irritated by her pets, to the point that I am actually hating them. And more and more disgusted by her bitch.

The thought that she is always labeling selfish just ticks me off so bad. Whos the selfish one who brought animals home without even consulting the people who lives in this house and creating such a rackus everyday from the noise of the animals??

Maybe I should just get my parents to kick her out of the house.

Masks

2007-03-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was having a business lunch this afternoon after an agreement signing session. There were 8 of us altogether, our customers and us, 4 from each side.

All of us we seated on a table and we were chatting happily, the bosses from each side were talking about going to the gym at some uppity classy places, making plans to organize singing sessions with each other, like they were the best of buddies.

Which is to the contrary actually. Lets just say I doubt they can really stand each other if they were to stay together with each other for a week.

As I was shitting and puking my gastric out in the toilet, a thought just crossed my mind. The world is made up of fakos. Too much of them. I faced them everyday, in fact I am guilty of that too. I put on masks everyday, different kind of masks with different kind of people. I hide behind masks cos I do not want to let others know the real me. I am afraid of showing my true nature to them, afraid of exposing my vulnerability to others. They on the other hand are doing it for the same reason too. In face, everyone in this world do that too.

Its kinda sick actually. The thought that you can never believe the person who is sharing your lunch with you.

Then you said, "but thats how the world goes, people put on masks to protect themselves. Its a kind of natural defense mechanism. Self defense."

Which I agreed. But don you think its rather sad? That we have to resort to being hypocrites to stay alive?

Incidentally, I wasn't puking because of what I thought but rather I was really physically sick.

Collective soul running

2007-03-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

Are these times contagious

Ive never been this bored before
Is this the prize Ive waited for
Now with the hours passing
Theres nothing left here to insure
I long to find a messenger

Have I got a long way to run
Have I got a long way to run
Yeah, I run

Is there a cure among us

From this processed sanity
I weaken with each voice that sings
Now, in this world of purchase
Im going to buy back memories
To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run
Have I got a long way to run
Yeah, I run
Yeah, I run

Have I got a long way
Have I got a long way
Have I got a long way to run
Have I got a long way to run

Yeah, I run (have I got a long way to run)

Why am I writing here?

2007-03-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

This is one of the times when I really feel like wanting to write in my blog, telling others about my feelings but yet, somehow, no words escape me.

It seems that I am not able to express my thoughts and feelings here anymore. Even though I am so filled with so much feelings and so much thoughts, almost to the extend that I felt like exploding with these internal emotions..

So confusing and definitely not something nice for me.

I guess there is really no need for me to write much about myself and my feelings here, inevitably I will always ended up writing about my confusion, my pains, my boredom and my worries. Somehow there ain't nothing much for me to feel happy about in my life, I guess I don see a bright future for myself and neither do I see myself joyful in the near future.

But vomiting all my negative vibes here do really makes me feel so much better, I always feel warmer knowing that there are still people out there who care enough about my life to want to read about me and to know about me.

Thank you, whoever you are, for reading about me.

Loneliness

2007-03-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

I have a friend, a high flyer who is always working, literally flying around the world rushing for meetings and staying at some of the finest hotels in the world, and yet he feels strange, like something is not complete. He keeps a blog and even though he only pens down his daily life, one can sense a very strong undercurrent of emptiness.

I have a friend who keeps a blog and is rather popular, he always pen his thoughts and feelings in his blog in which he talks about his happiness, his work, his friends. He is rather funny in his blog and sometimes his comments draw laughter. And yet, one can sense that he does not really laugh at his life, in fact one can read a very strong tone of loneliness.

I have a friend, another high flyer who is earning about $4k per month and yet she feels lonely, to the extend of looking around at the wrong places for physical companionship. She ended up feeling empty after each relationships. And worse of all, getting hurt.

I have a friend who likes to keep to himself, does not like to tell anyone his problems, to the point that he will get very enrage if one probes him about his problem. He likes to hang around by himself, not wanting nor liking people to intrude in his life. And yet there is this constant yearning in him to open himself to others, to share his thoughts and feelings with someone.

I have a friend who is always working until late at night, not wanting to go home even though everyone in the office has gone home. On the outside, he is a cheerful joker, always making jokes and making fun of others. Yet, he has a strange look on his face when you ask him about his life.

I have a friend, who looks exactly like me, always smiling and seem happy. She works everyday, pushing herself to fulfill the expectations of the people around her, trying to look ok on the outside. She looks tough outside, rushing around everyday trying to solve her everyday problems. Yet inside she is very fragile, to the point that she cries herself to sleep almost every night. To the point that sometimes she feels like giving everything up, to walk away from everyone around her, to be free and to be off to a place where there is no loneliness.

I believe these friends are inflicted by the one of the strongest diseases of our society. Its called loneliness.

A long word with a simple implication.

So ironic, so sad and so empty.

So cold..

"I am having fatigue of you"

2007-03-12T18:37:00.000+08:00

"I am having fatigue of you"

What does someone meant when they said this to you? How would you react?

Thats as good as saying I am tired of you, just leave me alone. Thats as good as saying get the hell out of my face cos I never want to talk to you again. Thats as good as saying goodbye and fuck off.

What would you do if someone said that to you?

I am crying not cos of the words, but rather cos of the implications. Its so hurtful..

Visual DNA

2007-03-11T10:12:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Adam and Eve

2007-03-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

I was out with my friends last night, had a long awaited gathering, this time Jerry was also with us.

And inevitably, the question of differences between man and woman was thrown on the discussion floor. Thats where it gets really interesting cos we have a guy with us and we were able to see things from the male's perspectives.

As things get a wee bit heated up during the discussion, Valerie summarized our discussion about how man and woman think and react different by giving a classic example.

"If you put a naked woman in front of a man, he would get turned on immediately and of course, a certain part of his anatomy would react. However, if you put a naked man in front of a woman, you see if she gets turned on, more like she would be turned off!"

We applauded and laughed at her analogy. Even Jerry, he said it was biologically natural.

Then I contributed. "I guessed its natural, the woman does not need to be real beautiful or gorgeous, just a plain simple female would do, the sight of her naked would turn on any males. I would be really worried for you if you do not react when you see a naked woman!"

I continued," However, this is also to a certain extent. I mean, if you put a super obese naked woman in front of a man, you tell me if he would get turned on?! I think he would have stopped seeing her as a woman anymore!"

And then I asked Jerry, since he was the only male there, "which part of the woman's body turns you on the most?"

"Collarbone." Which I thought was rather refreshing.

And then I threw the question to the floor to the ladies.

Iris - Back and height
Constance - Built and height
Janice - Shoulder and height
Valerie - Height
Wendy - Shoulder
Alexis - Eyes

So, just to make my boring blog a little more interesting here, anyone male readers here care to offer on what part of the woman's anatomy turns you on the most?

Mont Blanc pens

2007-03-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

The 5 of us were having dinner at North Border at Rochester Park. Incidentally, the place is really romantic and the food is fantastic, try it if you do have the chance! Anyway, my boss wanted to treat us to dinner for no reason, just the team leaders so there were only the 5 of us and that was also the reason why he agreed to go to Rochester Park cos the price there is on the high side.

And so we had finished our food and were chatting around.

Suddenly, I saw W's Mont Blanc pen. I borrowed it and played with it for a while. I looked around and realized that there were 3 persons on the table who are carrying Mont Blanc pens.

So I asked, " Anyone knows what is the logo of Mont Blanc and what does it stand for?"

The guys all looked around, shaking their head.

"Kaoz, all of you wearing Mont Blanc until so proud and none know whats is the white logo?!

That can only say one thing about them man... Heh.

So anyone here knows what is the logo of Mont Blanc? No cheating pls!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2007-03-04T22:55:00.000+08:00

In line with the CNY, Jerry, JP's dog decided to get into the mood too..!

My eyes

2007-03-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

My eye sight is really getting from bad to worse, I doubt I can see words that are about 8 feet away. And my eyes seem to feel swollen all the time..

I think its time for me to go back for another lasik.

Then again, I am quite scared of going into JB right now, the situation there seems to be getting from bad to worse.

Talking to myself

2007-03-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

You know someone is lonely and bored when she starts to take an interest in shopping alone, eating alone, basically doing things alone.

Thats what I had been doing quite frequently. Entertaining myself, doing things by myself, hanging out by myself.

Frankly speaking, I was quite alright with it. Other than the fact that my parents are starting to feel worried about me, cos they keep asking me if everything is alright with me and questioning me on why am I shopping alone.

Until I start to talk to myself. Not just in my head, but talking out loud, thinking my thoughts out and treating myself like another person. Thats where it starts to feel a little weird. And its quite frequent too.

The first time I noticed it was I asked myself what I would like for lunch, in a public food court too. It was a lucky thing no one was around me or they would feel weird..

Heh.

I wanna be with you forever

2007-02-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

Just some time back I mentioned about how I find the act of 2 people entwined together during sex so erotic.

I am going to talk more about this in detail today.

Imagine kissing someone you love, deeply in the mouth, your hands caressing his neck while your other hand is wrapped gently round his head. As you get carried away with his soft lips, and his gentle touch, you get so intoxicated with his scent, his movements and his kiss..

His hands started to explore your body while you are so carried away that you have no idea that you have already begin to explore his body as well. The 2 of you are soon entwined together, moving together, drunk in each other's scents, touches and caresses, enjoying the simple sensation of just being together..

The reason why I find the sight of a man and woman entwined together, naked, so erotic has nothing to do with sex or anything sexual. Its just the fact that the sight is just so, well, warm. Maybe its just me but for 2 persons to really get wrapped so tightly around each other, something magical must have existed in the first place.

Note again I am not talking about sex, just the sight of 2 lovers hugging and lying together, wrapped around each other.

Maybe I am a naive girl but I think most of us need lots of such magic, we tend to take these magic for granted..

So now, perhaps its time you let the person you love know that you love him or her?

If it were up to me, I really would like to let the person I love to know that, to let him know that...

What is the justification of our life journey?

2007-02-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with David the other day.

For those of you readers who keep up with me and my boring life in my little blog here, David is one of the Chinese workers in my company. He has been working there for a long long time already, probably like about 5 years already. He is a Chinese, from the Fujian province in China. He is 33 years old, but looked like 40 years old. Thats the result of constant exposure under the sun, living in an empty warehouse in our storage yard (though he now lives in a proper house) and having turned to drinking and smoking to drown out his sorrows. He is a really simple man , happier now but was really a miserable man when I first saw him.

Me and him, though from different background, hit off rather well. I even spent a whole night talking to him, about his life, his family, his history etc. Probably cos he finds me approachable?

Anyway, I was just chatting with him the other day. Its funny that he asked me the exact question that I have always been asking myself every day, every single day.

"What is the sole purpose of our lives?"

I was a little stumped. Besides the fact that my Mandarin was very limited and I do not really express myself well verbally, I really do not have an answer to his question.

So I replied, "You tell me?"

He answered, "Don't know. I just do not know why we have to live our lives like this."

I said, "Me neither. I do not know why do I work everyday, why I carried out my life everyday, eating, drinking and more working."

I followed up with ,"If you noticed, all we humans ever do is to sustain this body of ours. We work, eat, drink, smoke so that we can live longer and be happy."

"Not happy, sad, cos we are killing ourselves, slowly." David replied, to my comment that we humans try to be happy through smoking and drinking, perhaps with reference to himself.

"And then you still smoke and drink?!" I exclaimed.

And after that we started to banter with each other, making fun of each other and continued with our chats.

Thing is, he made me think about the irritating question that I always have in my little head. What the hell is our purpose in life? Why do we work so hard, earn so hard, play so hard, cry so hard, strive so hard, worry so much, love so deep, hate so much and yet ultimately in the end, we are still gonna die? What is the point of doing all that we are doing now then? Why do we strive so hard and yet only can enjoy a brief moment of happiness, love, sadness, excitement, accomplishment, hatred?

If the end does not justify the journey, then why do we go through the journey?

Can anyone tell me that?

Games dislike me.

2007-02-24T17:13:00.000+08:00

I was chatting to a friend earlier, over PS3, and the conversation led to me telling him that I am getting a game for him, Superman Returns (Thanks Paddy!).

And then I heard from him that the reviews for this game apparently wasn't really good. Oh well..

Anyway, thats not what I wanted to say here.

We were talking about games and he gave me a link to Games Trailers and thats when I saw God of War.

And thats when he told me this, "I am still stuck at the revolving blades."

The last time I saw him played that game was what, about 3 months back? At that time, he was stuck at some revolving blades. The part was tough. He had to get his character to run across a huge log, with blades sticking out from the it. Missing a step would mean dropping down into a bottomless pit of fire.

I replied, "Huh? So long?" Then I proceeded to laugh at him.

Needless to say, he was rather unhappy to be laughed at. "U? You don even play games!"

Ok, I am pathetic, I admit it. I cannot and I mean CANNOT play games. I freaked every time I come across a difficult game. I still remember when I was younger, my sis and bro and my mum (yes, my mum love to play games on the Nintendo set) would fight over each other to play Super Mario on the Nintendo set. Me? I would just grab my pillow and sit there quietly watching them play. It did not matter who was playing, the important thing was someone was playing on the game and I would just sat there watching them play.

There were times when they offered me to play on the set, seeing that I was the only one missing out on all the fun and actions. I tried, I did. And freaked me out. I would get so excited and so nervous about my character dying that I literally jumped when my character got killed! My sis, the expert in games had to "save" me a lot of times by snatching the controllers from me and continue the game on my behalf.

Needless to say, she enjoyed it. A lot.

Even now when I am all grown up, I still cannot ever seem to play games. The games now are so much more sophisticated, the graphics so gorgeous and the technology so advance. I especially like watching games trailers. You know before the game starts, there would be this short portion of scene re-enacting out the plot of the games, like a mini animation by itself. I think I love watching these trailers more than the playing the games itself.

And I like watching people play more than playing the games itself.

Weird right? I think my poor heart just cannot take the thrill of playing games. Too scary man.. Imagine being hacked up by strange bioorganic monsters after being chased by some robotic-organic creatures in a broken down space station. I rather watch someone else play and watch someone else' characters getting killed by the monster.

So, there you go, now you know what a lousy pathetic girl I am. I suck at computer, console or Lan games. Basically, I just suck at games. I am better off watching people play, its more interesting that way.

That said, I would love to watch someone play F.E.A.R. Been trying to locate the trailer for this game but just cannot seem to find it.

Anyone kind souls here to help me? Thanks!

Watching a Serial Killer

2007-02-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

I just fell in love with a new show.

Dexter, a vigilante serial killer who only kills other serial killers. He and his brother witnessed a serial killer chopping their mother into pieces when they were very young. The cop who was at the scene took him in and discovered his, shall we say, special needs. He taught him how to control his urge, how to blend in with the normal people, how to track his victims, cover his tracks and most of all, never to kill innocent people.

Its a very traumatizing, to say the least about the show.

Its interesting as hell and I am hooked on it.

There was one thing that caught my attention the most about the show. It was a sex scene between Dexter and his girlfriend. Well, actually there was another scene that caught my attention too. It was another sex scene between Dexter's sister and her boyfriend.

The thing about sex scenes are that they are, well, interesting. Two people's body entwined together, pushing against each other, riding on top of each other and sweating everything out.

The whole scene was just so erotic. Body parts were not exactly shown. Of course, you have a glimpse here and there, of thighs, shoulders, necks, backs etc. But not everything. Sensitive parts were not shown. That makes it even more erotic, in my opinion.

And also makes it more, shall we say, full of love?

Two bodies joined to a single heartbeat.

I wish I can enjoy such moments as well.

I think I am getting a little horny here..

Dexter Season 1 Episode 5

2007-02-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

Freedom is another word of getting fucked.

After a blowjob, she expects me to take it to another level.

The inability to feel has it advantages, sometimes.

Alone, no pretending, no hiding, no time to relax.

Don't go down on that emotional road, just go down on her, its easier that way.

Father: Dexter, women are different from men. They have a whole different experience of things, when they are with someone physically, they feel connected. And they know when you are not, they can sense it because you are very exposed.
Dexter: Yea, cos you are naked.

Somehow I find it reassuring that I am not the only one pretending to be normal.

I hate this, questioning every moves. Maybe I should just break it off.

Alone might be better off. Relationships are too confusing.

Dexter: How did you love each other.
Victims: We share the same dreams.

I want a normal life. Average, ordinary.

I been Blogged!

2007-02-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

Through DK, I found out from sgblogs that I am ranked 294 in Singapore Bloggers! Not bad, not bad eh..! heh

Thing is, why on earth do they have to use the most recent picture on my blog har?? Now everyone would see me as a series of CNY wishes...! Sheesh!

My current shopping list

2007-02-22T20:21:00.000+08:00

Singapore is so boring, everywhere you go, you see the same kind of people and the same kind of malls. From downtown up to the heartlands, the malls are of the same kind and the range of stuff that they offered are also of the same kind! So boring!

I had been shopping for the past few days looking for places to spend my bonus but somehow, I think its better to save up my money.. I was looking for 1)a proper pair of working shoes, 2)a tote bag, 3)a pair of bra, 4) a watch and 5)some working clothes. The only thing that I managed to find was the tote bag, which I finally got from John Little this evening. The rest? Still in progress of locating..

1) Working shoes. I have tried my favorite store, Charles & Keith, but could not managed to find one comfortable and good looking one. Guess its tough for the 2 criteria to come together when one is talking about ladies shoes. Comfortable? Get a pair of old maid's shoes, those black PVC kind which only old maids would wear. Since I am not ready to label myself as an old maid yet, so no matter how comfy it is, I will never buy such shoes! Good looking ones? They come with heels that kill and I rather not take the chance in killing my spine slowly.

2) Tote bag. After walking around Orchard, Marina before and over the CNY holidays, I finally managed to find the right one at Jurong Point, of all places. I should have save my time and just head to some nearby shopping malls instead of going downtown and wasting my time! The cute little bag was hanging there while I was shopping around looking for the first and third items on my list. So happy that I finally got it!

3) A pair of bra. Ok, this is one item which I will not hesitate to spend. Its my breasts for goodness sake! I need a proper piece of support equipment for them manz..! Still looking in progress.... Anyone interested to go with me to shop for this item? :D

4) A watch. Been looking for a nice pair of watch since eons and I have yet to find one which fits my budget and my criteria and also my image, as per what a friend said. Watches are supposed to carry your image. Actually I found one, its called Criteria from Seiko but this little piece of time telling device is expensive man.. Going to set me back by a few hundred bucks! I shall see if I can get a cheaper alternatives this weekend, otherwise I might just go ahead and get Ms Criteria.

5) Working clothes. Its either too auntie looking or too long or too tight or too expensive. And I always feel very disgusted with my body when buying clothings. So sad.. I need more exercise...

There you go, my shopping list for the next couple of months. I am going to be so broke man....

A morning visitor

2007-02-20T10:31:00.000+08:00

Mum was talking to me in my room this morning when she noticed something moving at the corner of her eye.

She turned and screamed. I looked up at the ceiling and saw a huge praying mantis. It was about 10 inch long, very beautiful, long, light green and very alert. With every movements, her (I knew its a female cos male praying mantis are tiny, super tiny) head would move in the directions of the movements. Her famous praying pair of limbs which gave her the cool name was crouched in front of her.

Take a look at her here.

Dad came into the room and attempted to catch her, but she was quick, scurrying away at any movements caused by us. In the end, we had to use a transparent plastic bag to contain her before letting her go.

Thinking back, I now realized what was the likely cause of the tapping sounds in my room. For the past couple of days, there were these soft tapping sounds beside my bed and near the windows. Every time I moved closer to the sound, it would stop and then pick up again when I move away. Now I wonder if this little girl could have been the cause of the tapping sounds I heard in the middle of the night whenever I was alone in the room.

Nevertheless, a very nice morning visit from such a beautiful creature.

Letters from Iwo Jima

2007-02-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

There is a colorless sense of drag when one watches war movies. Along with it brought thoughts of how worthless wars are and why would humans want to exterminate each other, all in the name of honor, pride and brotherhood, when they do not even know the significance of the war itself.

I watched "Letters from Iwo Jima" last night. And as usual, I was very affected by war movies. In fact, the more I read about the battle on the tiny island of Iwo Jima, the heavier the colorless sense of drag became. Such a huge loss of lives, so many people died. Husband, brothers, fathers, sons, all of the men there were part of someone else.

The Americans had to capture the island as a base and they were sparing no efforts to take over Iwo Jima. The Japanese knew this and they also were sparing no efforts either to defend their mother soil, no matter that the soil were just dark volcanic sand and the tiny island was and is to date, a bare piece of land with Mt Suribachi on it. Instead of fortifying their defenses above ground, the Japanese dug deep into the island and made a very excellent defense from below, a genius tactic came up by the admirable General Tadamichi Kuribayashi.

There was just one catch. The 22,000 Japanese soldiers were told that they were on their own, there would be no reinforcements from their headquarters. The war was already coming to an end and Tokyo already had her hands full. They were told to fight till the end, to their deaths.

For the Americans, they basically found concrete with flesh. From the first time they landed on the beach, they could not see their enemy, who were fortified underground. They literally threw their brothers against the onslaught of mortars, bullets and assault that came from within the mountains. It was also during this battle that the famous scene of raising the American flag was captured.

Approximately 28,000 men lost their lives during this battle, from both sides.

Through 2 films, Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima , Clint Eastwood attempted to capture the thoughts, emotions and feelings of fighting on Iwo Jima from the sides of the Japanese and the Americans. I did not manage to catch the first film, which was a real pity but the latter film is excellent. Not just from the fact that this was one of the very few shows which portrayed Americans' enemies in a good light (we know how Americans like to cast Japanese, Germans, Russians as villains in most of their films) but also cos of the fact that it shows how ultimately, all the soldiers who fought were just basically normal men, with their families and they were no different from each other.

I love the show for the in-your-face kind of reality shocks that are being thrown to the audience. I have always thought that the Japanese were monsters during the WWII and for the first time, I realized that most of the soldiers who fought during the war also had no choice.

It made me realize that we are humans cos we are so much more, I may be a simple girl but I definitely know the meaning of fighting for your country.

Valentine's Day at Chinatown

2007-02-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

Some pictures that I took during Valentine's Day while shopping along Chinatown market for CNY goodies..

A really refreshing way to celebrate Valentine's day though..!

新年快乐！

2007-02-17T11:40:00.000+08:00

Where is my house?

2007-02-16T09:38:00.000+08:00

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And is it happens
It happens here in this house

And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home
And there's someone
Calling on the telephone
Let's stay home
It's cold outside
And I have so much
To confide to you

With or without words
I'll confide everything

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And as it happens
It happens here in this house

So we stay at home
And I'm by your side
And you know
What's going on inside
Inside my heart
Inside this house
And I just want to
Let it out for you

And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home
And I feel your warmth
And it feels like home

Here is the house
Where it all happens
Those tender moments
Under this roof
Body and soul come together
As we come closer together
And as it happens
It happens here in this house

Lessons I learnt at work

2007-02-16T09:17:00.000+08:00

Ever since I started working, I have since learned quite a number of lessons on humans and not a lot of them are good. It certainly open my eyes to the how humans treat each other.

First lesson
All humans are selfish. Ultimately, each to his own. No one will help you if there are no benefits to them from helping. And when it comes to crunch time, its either you attack or you die.

Second lesson
Always cover your asses. Never, never and I mean never expose your ass to persecution cos an exposed ass is always the first one to get shot at and you've gotta admit, a pretty white ass is a very nice target to shoot at.

Third lesson
Never trust anyone. At all. Period.

Forth lesson
Learn how to push. Push duties, push responsibilities, push blames. Whatever that can be pushed, push them away.

Fifth lesson
Money talks, a lot. And so does the way you look. It does not matter that you are not rich, as long as you are dressed rich, people will see you in a better light.

Sixth lesson
Be confident. No matter if you are confused or if you do not know what is happening, remain calm and act like you know a lot of things. Of course, try not to open your mouth and sprout some nonsense if you have no idea what is the subject being talked about otherwise you will end up looking like a confident moron.

Seventh lesson
Did I say never trust anyone? Not even your friends.

Eighth lesson
Always know how to talk. And talk well. Your speech accounts for a large part of your first impression to others. No one wants to talk to an empty headed person who stutters.

Ninth lesson
Charm and charisma are a huge part of popularity. And popularity gets people to listen to you and helps you to get things done

Last lesson
Always call in favors. They are the best way to motivate people to help you.

Please can I have my peace and quiet?

2007-02-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

My bus came and I boarded it. There weren't many seats around and I ended up sitting with a dark skinned uncle. In front of us were 2 young punks and then beside them on the seat at the other aisle was this skinny, fair little boy.

Call me biased or called me superficial but I did not have a good initial impression of them. First of all, the 2 young punks (now you know why I labelled them punks) were sprouting a super tall pointy Dragonballz kind of hairstyle. T'was not just the hair that I did not have a good impression on, it was also their fashion style. Call me old fashion or call me a prud but I think wearing a coat in the hot and humid weather of Singapore is just a dumb idea. And wearing an overload of accessories was also a tad too attention grabbing. Then again, that might just be the whole idea behind their looks.

Well, actually I wasn't really going to complain about the 2 young punks in front of me but rather their skinny friend on their left, sitting alone on the other aisle of the bus. He was real skinny actually and fair. He was probably just about 13 years old, perhaps 14 years old max. This young prick was really inconsiderate. He was slouched on the seat and did not think to let others shared the seat since he was occupying the space of 2 persons at the same time, as skinny as he was. His dress sense was a little better than the 2 dumbos sitting on his right. He was in a pair of frail looking jeans and an oversized T-Shirt.

The thing that irked me the most during my journey was the constant invasion of my ear drums cos the little skinny prick was playing his current favorite song on his mobile phone, without any ear piece to block out the song to other passengers who just wanted to ride their journey in peace and quiet. And it wasn't any quiet soothing kind of song either but rather a loud and "bong bong bong" kind of song.

So, I had to endure his silly song for the whole journey.

Actually, I have noticed this recent phenomenon, young kids playing songs on their mobiles without any ear piece, regardless of whether they are disturbing the peace and quietness of the night. They kinda conveniently forgot that different people have different tastes in music and one man's food is another man's poison, disturbing people like me, who would sit back and pray that either we get off the bus soon or we just tell them off.

I was in a chicken mood last night, so did not have the balls to tell that prick off. Then again, I am a girl and they were 3 of them together, I certainly did not want to get into trouble...

Have the youths of our society been so degenerated and so turned off to the plight of others that they will just do anything they wanted, regardless of how their actions are negatively affecting the people around them? What is happening to our society? Is this the future of our generations and the next few generations to come? Whose failings are these then? The parents or the guardians or the mentors? Or should we just blame on the kids themselves, after all, you made your own choice, you choose your own life routes?

Or perhaps we can just conveniently blame on the government again?

No?

Flames to dust, lovers to Friends

2007-02-13T00:01:00.001+08:00

The reason why I am staying

2007-02-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

For a while I wanted to move out and live on my own, my parents being the main reason why I was contemplating such a drastic action. I mean, I love my house, its big and spacious and all my things are here with me, my favorite pillow, my bolster, my clothes, my bags, basically my stuff. But sometimes my parents just drive me nuts. They are just too protective of me, to the point that they are getting too sticky.

And you ask me why ain't I looking for places to live, instead of just sitting there, not flipping newspaper desperately, asking around or calling agents to look for available rooms to rent?

Its cos I love my parents too much.

Constance was the person that made me realize that.

I was asking her if she would like to be my roommate, having heard her mention that she would like to move out one day and live her life alone. I was actually expecting her to agree to be my roommate on the spot when I popped the question to her but I got the most unexpected answer from her.

"Don you want to spend more time with your parents? They are old already, how many years do you think you have left with them?"

That remark just struck me, like a snap of finger. My parents are really getting on in years. Five years back, my father would have never complain about cold. In fact he used to shower with cold water and he always used to go shirtless at home. Now, he only showers in warm water, sleep with the blanket and would ask us why is the weather so cold. My mum, she cannot walk properly now cos her joints hurt all the time, I am always hearing her complaints.

My bro has already moved out with his girlfriend. My sis is always not at home. If I were to move out, they would be all alone. No doubt they still have each other but to them it will just be like being abandoned, by their children. I really hate for them to feel that way.

I count my blessings everyday that my parents are still around, still so lovey-dovey to the point of being mushy, still healthy and alive. I cannot imagine the day when my parents pass on, I think a part of me would die totally. I just love them so much.

Its ironic that the reason why I want to live on my own is also the reason why I cannot bear to shift out.

May he rest in peace

2007-02-10T15:52:00.000+08:00

Just this week, my colleague whose boyfriend just lost his right arm to a motorbike accident told me that one of her friends lost his life in an accident while riding a bike.

He was only 23 years old. Life was just beginning to get interesting for him and he will never be able to experience it anymore.

He and another friend was riding separately on their bikes. They were going straight towards a bend when huge truck on their right was turning into the lane. The truck was carrying huge metal plates and it should have let these 2 friends passed, then turned into the lane.

It did not follow traffic rules and instead turn into their lane without giving the 2 bikers a second thought.

The first rider in the front sped past the truck.

The second rider did not.

It crashed directly into the path of the truck and into it directly.

My colleague told me that he died instantly on the spot. When she went to the accident site, she saw a mess. Blood, brain matters and 3 quarter of the rider's face was gone.

The mortician was not able to mend back the face and all that could be done was use lots of bandages to put the pieces of what was left of the face back together.

When the parents of their kid through the window of the coffin, they collapsed on the spot.

A waste of life, cos of a man's foolishness, a moment of folly.

He was only 23 years old when his life was snipped out, never going to have a chance to experience the challenges of life already. May he rest in peace.

All you drivers out there, please do take extra care when driving. Value lives, not time while you are on the road.

Why do all good things come to an end?

2007-02-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

"Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die"

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

"Its painful to let someone go"

2007-02-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

"Its so painful to let someone go."

That was the line that I heard from a serial drama that I was watching.

Indeed, its painful to let someone go, even more unbearable than a heartbreak. Letting go means you have given up and giving up implies disappointments and failure. Its to the point when you do not even have the energy to master the courage to face the reality, that there will only be failures and more failures, past or present or future.

Thats when you decided that enough is enough, its time to let go. And it certainly hurts to let go of what you desire, or rather who you desire, than to keep holding to a hope, as much tiny as the hope is.

Its the thought that you will never be able to see the person whom you desire again that magnifies the pain even more.

What would you like to do on a Sunday?

2007-02-04T11:26:00.000+08:00

A brand new Sunday, what would you be doing?

As I looked out of my bedroom window, breathed in the sweet morning air, I wonder what is there for me to do?

I want to go out to do some shoppings, I want to got for a jog, I want to do my dirty laundries, I want to clear my table...

There are so many things that I would like to do but there is just no energy for me to carry out these little mundane projects of mine to completion.

In the end, I choose to lie on the bed, stare at my ceiling and wonder what the hell am I doing with my life.

Is my life just filled with only petty chores and my work?

So, what would you like to do on a Sunday?

What is wrong with me?

2007-02-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

I feel empty.

Its been a while since I have been getting this feeling. Its like I have been feeling this way ever since I started in the working world.

For a while, the emptiness was stalled, it went right to where it came from, wherever that was. I was distracted by someone and it made my life more bearable.

But then the emptiness is back, it seem to be back with a vengeance actually. I feel dull, dead and emotionless. There is basically nothing there. Nothing gets me happy, nothing gets me excited. The world is like a grey dimension, with no colors. I do not find any meanings in what I do, I do not feel excited by anything, don feel sad or unhappy even. I just feel a throbbing dull ache, an ache for something to happen in my life. I lost my drive to do anything, not even to work. Sometimes I even feel like letting go, let go of whatever I control and to drift away.

What is wrong with me?

Parents: Blessed "Irritants"?

2007-01-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

I believe every single working beings who are reaching the end of your young people's era are also facing the same problem as me.

Parents. The 2 person that you love most of the times and would love to hate for the rest of the times. The 2 most irritating people at home that you sometimes feel like shrinking them into the size of long beans, throw into a box and lastly chuck the box in your safe or in your cupboard with the key hidden under your bed.

Well, at least I am referring to my parents.

Frankly speaking, a huge part of the reasons why I decided to move out (I am still looking for a place by the way so whoever has any recommendations, pls, pls inform me) is cos of my parents.

For the first, they keep forgetting that I am already 27 years old, not 7 or not 17 but 27, about to reach the end of my youth era and officially entering my early middle age era. Or in a common Singaporean term, an auntie.

Gawd, I hate the sound of that! Auntie! Yikes!

Anyway, back to parents. As I was saying, they keep forgetting my age and never seem to trust my maturity. And because of that, they are always nagging me, probing me and the worst, calling me every single bloody night if they find out I am not home at 10pm.

I mean, I appreciate the fact that I still have my parents to nag at me, parents who care and love me so much that they will never get tired of my constant childishness but its super irritating to have them calling you every single day, checking out who you are with, where you are and what time you will be back home. It reminds me of my school days, but during that time, I understand fully the reasons why they are doing that. Now? I am already going to reach my 30s! Goodness! Imagine your parents checking you out when you hit 30s?

Now try to imagine you were with your boss entertaining your customers at a bar and suddenly your parents called you. Because the place was noisy and you had to raise your voice to make yourself audible through the phone. And then try to imagine the look on your boss' and customers' face when they heard you saying, "Ma, I am outside, will not be back home so early. Yes, I will not drink, yes, I will stay away from strangers, yes yes yes."

Argh, just thinking about that is enough to make my blood boil.

Next irritation. My marital status. I think you should get what I am going to complain about now.

For the fuck out of me, I can never understand why the hell is my marital status such a big deal to anyone other than me. I already can barely tolerate all the worthless questions that my nosy relatives are always throwing at me, probing me about the non-existant men in my life. I believe I can safely say that I speak for most working singles out there with nosy relatives like mine.

And then imagine facing the same probings at home. My home, where I am supposed to be free of worthless irritations and problems that I myself have no idea how to solve.

"Jinghua, you are not getting young, when you going to bring a man home to let us see? You want us to introduce some guys to you? You must think of your future ok, don wait too long ok? Is it cos your taste too high thats why cannot find a man?"

You see how irritating that is?

First question, I already know I am getting old, I don need any more reminders. Second question, no, men are troubles. Third question, I do think about my future, why the hell do you think I am working so hard and trying ways and means to save as much as I can for my retirement. Fourthly, no, I cannot find a man not cos of my "high taste" for them but rather the taste that they leave in me. Man do have a natural tendency of leaving a bitter taste in your mouth and so I doubt I have a "high taste" when all I am asking is for a man who can leave a sweet taste in my mouth, pun intended if you get what I mean.

Now, back to my complaints about my parents.

Another thing that I hate about living with my parents is that whenever I inform them that I am going on a holiday, they would definitely say, "NO! Cannot go! Too dangerous!"

Actually, I was more like telling them I am going, not asking them if I can go.

Then when all else fails in getting you not to go, they will resort to the "act-pitiful" techniques of persuasion.

"Why you always like that one? We ask you not to go cos we are worried for you, we don want you to come to any danger. You know how dangerous other countries are or not?"

I know I am childish by being irritated here. Its indeed a blessing for anyone to have their parents around to nag at them when they are old, I count my blessings everyday that my parents are still around, healthy and alive and kicking strongly. But imagine if you face the same naggings everyday, the same probings on your personal life everyday and the same phone calls to you every single day?

I would not be normal when I say I am not affected by that.

Parents. What the hell am I going to do without them and what the hell am I going to do about them?

Now you see why I really really really want to shift out and live on my own? No matter how cosy my home is?

Should I get a car?

2007-01-28T20:25:00.000+08:00

One of my new year resolution for this year is to get my driving license and I have recently enrolled into the driving school at Bt Batok. Its been quite an experience just enrolling. The curriculum is rather confusing and you have to attend lessons even for the basic theory test and even a mock test before you can actually sit for the real test. I am really looking forward to the practical lessons. I did try my hand on driving before, even had a chance to drive alone without any licensed drivers beside me. Of course, I ran into a gate and scrap the car as a result. Luckily the car was meant to be exported so no one found out my tiny accident. Heh.

Anyway, back to what I wanted to say tonight.

The reason why I am taking driving lessons and my driving license is cos I am contemplating on getting a car. My plan is to get my own car if I am not married by 30. Yes, I have already planned out a route for myself. A car first and then perhaps a house cos I want to have my own house, regardless of whether I have my own family. I think its most likely I will not have my own family, I just cannot imagine that I will have my own family, not cos I do not want it, but rather I do not see that day coming. I think I will be destined to live alone for the rest of my life. Anyway, I have even decided on what car I would like to get; a Toyota Vios or a Kia Picanto.

However, getting a car in Singapore is not easy. There are the installments, the insurances, road tax and worst of all the COE ie: the Certificate of Entitlement. There was an article in Sunday Times today talking about how more and more young adults, just starting to work are getting a car of their own. Some rich parents are even getting cars for their kids before they even got their license! Singaporeans are getting really rich...

The problem with getting a car is that you are basically throwing your money into a pit. The value of the car will depreciate the moment you buy it. At the end of it, you might even had to fork out money to sell the car!

So you ask, do I really need a car. To a certain extent. My office is shifting soon to a very deserted area. Cabbies do not even want to go to the area! I figured since I will be working late almost every night, I might as well arrange for my own transportation instead. And having a car just solve my problem. Besides this, I have gotten into a habit of taking cabs every where I go. With the increasing fare of taking cabs, it would be more economical to drive my own car instead!

Oh well, its still a long way to getting my license. I might as well use this time to earn as much money as I can and save as much as I can and decide on whether I should get a house or a car first. Whatever the case, its gonna be tough on my wallet.. Sigh....

Dead or Alive

2007-01-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

I have so much to say but whenever I want to put my thoughts into words, the words seem to fly away from my grasp.

I have so much feelings and emotions that I would love to dump into this blog but I cannot bear to let the feelings and emotions go, I want them, or rather I need them to make me feel alive.

In the midst of it all, in the midst of your life, has anyone ever stop and think. Think about the reason why we are doing what we are doing and living the lives that we are living? Is there more to life than just living everyday as it is, working, eating, sleeping, shitting, is that all it is in living? What defines living? What defines being alive? If you are alive but yet drag everyday of your life, does that constitute being alive? Why are we made to sustain our life and yet at the end of our journey, we are going to lose it all anyway? What is the point in living then? Why am I made to live my life when in the end it will be taken from me anyway?

What is the point of striving to survive in the best way that you can and then some years down the road, you will still lose everything?

I am alive and kicking, but there were times when I feel its better to be dead than alive.

Sponsorship to the hospital

2007-01-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

I almost got involved in an accident today and ended up earning a sponsorship to the hospital, in the words of Mike.

I was riding as a pillion on his bike this evening; he was sending me home from work. We happened to be the remaining 2 in the office and he offered to send me home. I was enjoying the ride in the cold wind, clearing my head of work related issues and some complicated personal issues. It was a very smooth sailing ride. Until I reached my place.

Near the junction outside my place, where he had to make a right turn into my place, there was this brown Beamer in front of us. The driver was chiong-ing and turning right, never even stopping to take notice of an oncoming white car that was also chiong-ing straight into the Beamer's path. The Beamer should have stopped and let the white car pass cos it was the red lights and it should not turn at all in the first place. But since it was already in the oncoming path of the white car, common sense would have prompted the driver of the Beamer to chiong all the way and avoid the oncoming car.

The fucking moron of the driver chose to stop in the path of the oncoming car.

Fortunately, the driver of the white car was alert and sharp enough to swerve and avoid hitting the Beamer.

Me and Mike were directly behind the Beamer and saw everything, in slow motion, Matrixy style.

Then, as the white car passed and the brown Beamer continued in its path, Mike raced up beside the brown Beamer to look at the driver.

It was driven by a female driver.

And she was sms-ing or dialing on her handphone.

When I was getting off Mike's bike, he said, "Lucky the white car swerved, otherwise we would have been sponsored."

"What sponsored?" I asked.

"Sponsored to the hospital lor. If the white car hit the BMW, it would have turned behind and hit us directly. We would have flown off the bike and got sponsored to the hospital lor."

"Then MO would jump." I called my boss MO.

And so, I almost got sponsored to the hospital today.

I think I have had enough of riding as pillion on bikes. Riding on a bike does not only mean you have to trust the driver, it also means you have to trust ALL drivers on the road to not knock on your bike. And the chances of surviving intact in an accident while riding as a pillion is almost as high as jumping off a cliff and not splitting your head on the rocks below the cliff. I know cos I got a colleague whose boyfriend lost his hand while riding as a pillion on a bike.

Honey, why you callling me so late?

2007-01-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

Honey, why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now

Honey, why you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
and I never wanna say goodbye
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too

And does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight?
No, I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
and I never wanna say goodbye
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
and I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(and I never wanna say goodbye )
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey, why you calling me so late?

A puzzle or a mystery

2007-01-20T09:41:00.000+08:00

On the afternoon of October 23, 2006, Jeffrey Skilling sat at a table at the front of a federal courtroom in Houston, Texas. He was wearing a navy-blue suit and a tie. He was fifty-two years old, but looked older. Huddled around him were eight lawyers from his defense team. Outside, television-satellite trucks were parked up and down the block.

“We are here this afternoon,” Judge Simeon Lake began, “for sentencing in United States of America versus Jeffrey K. Skilling, Criminal No. H-04-25.” He addressed the defendant directly: “Mr. Skilling, you may now make a statement and present any information in mitigation.”

Skilling stood up. Enron, the company he had built into an energy-trading leviathan, had collapsed into bankruptcy almost exactly five years before. In May, he had been convicted by a jury of fraud. Under a settlement agreement, almost everything he owned had been turned over to a fund to compensate former shareholders.

He spoke haltingly, stopping in mid-sentence. “In terms of remorse, Your Honor, I can’t imagine more remorse,” he said. He had “friends who have died, good men.” He was innocent—“innocent of every one of these charges.” He spoke for two or three minutes and sat down.

Judge Lake called on Anne Beliveaux, who worked as the senior administrative assistant in Enron’s tax department for eighteen years. She was one of nine people who had asked to address the sentencing hearing.

“How would you like to be facing living off of sixteen hundred dollars a month, and that is what I’m facing,” she said to Skilling. Her retirement savings had been wiped out by the Enron bankruptcy. “And, Mr. Skilling, that only is because of greed, nothing but greed. And you should be ashamed of yourself.”

The next witness said that Skilling had destroyed a good company, the third witness that Enron had been undone by the misconduct of its management; another lashed out at Skilling directly. “Mr. Skilling has proven to be a liar, a thief, and a drunk,” a woman named Dawn Powers Martin, a twenty-two-year veteran of Enron, told the court. “Mr. Skilling has cheated me and my daughter of our retirement dreams. Now it’s his time to be robbed of his freedom to walk the earth as a free man.” She turned to Skilling and said, “While you dine on Chateaubriand and champagne, my daughter and I clip grocery coupons and eat leftovers.” And on and on it went.

The Judge asked Skilling to rise.

“The evidence established that the defendant repeatedly lied to investors, including Enron’s own employees, about various aspects of Enron’s business,” the Judge said. He had no choice but to be harsh: Skilling would serve two hundred and ninety-two months in prison—twenty-four years. The man who headed a firm that Fortune ranked among the “most admired” in the world had received one of the heaviest sentences ever given to a white-collar criminal. He would leave prison an old man, if he left prison at all.

“I only have one request, Your Honor,” Daniel Petrocelli, Skilling’s lawyer, said. “If he received ten fewer months, which shouldn’t make a difference in terms of the goals of sentencing, if you do the math and you subtract fifteen per cent for good time, he then qualifies under Bureau of Prisons policies to be able to serve his time at a lower facility. Just a ten-month reduction in sentence . . .”

It was a plea for leniency. Skilling wasn’t a murderer or a rapist. He was a pillar of the Houston community, and a small adjustment in his sentence would keep him from spending the rest of his life among hardened criminals.

“No,” Judge Lake said.

An interesting read, continue here

The look

2007-01-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

"When you really love someone, you want the person to be happy, at all expense."

"However, does the other party know?"

Many times, I asked myself, why is love so complicated? Simply put. it does not require 2 persons to look at each other but rather to look in the same direction.

What does being in love encompasses? Who can properly define love? What is love?

To me, love means giving. It means offering your whole heart to bring happiness to your lover, sometimes to the point of self sacrificial. To the point when you are hurting and yet you still want to give, to give your very whole. It does not matter that the end may not justify the means, the only thing that matter is the smile that you see, the touch that you got and most of all, the look. The look that says your love is happy.

Does it really matter if your lover know? No, it does not, it does not matter at all cos you never really expect any rewards at all. The best reward is already there through his smile.

Is it worth it? Is it worth the pain?

Yes, it definitely does. Even if the result may not be what you wanted.

Of Chinese chestnut soup and Mr LKY

2007-01-02T16:45:00.000+08:00

Its a hot day, I think the hot and humid days of our tropical environment are back. The sun had been shinning for the past couple of days, notwithstanding the short bursts of drizzles that were familiar of tropical places.

Its been a long time since I enjoyed a meal with my parents. They were rather excited that me and my sis were at home for lunch and they cooked a couple of dishes and a soup. The soup was what I wanted to talk about. Its so gooooood! Chinese chestnuts, pork ribs with scallops and some herbs that I have no idea whatsoever on their names.

The point is, the soup was real good. I had so much that my tummy swooshed with it and I feel like a Telly Tubby now. At the rate that I ate at home, I would not be surprise if I picked up a couple of pounds on the way man..

Anyway, I was just reading the book titled Memoirs of Lee Kuan Yew: From Third World to First. I was in awe of this man. He is not just smart but also shrewd and quick. Its not just the politics of Singapore he intervened in, but also in the politics of our neighboring countries as well. For those who read the book, you would know that the book talked about the early developments of Singapore, Communism, the Vietnam occupation in Cambodia, ASEAN etc.

I am not very satisfied with the way my country is being run at the moment but I really got to salute Mr LKY here. He, with the old guards grow Singapore into such a state today. Without their astuteness and their wit, we would never have been able survive. We would never have been taken seriously by the rest of the world in fact.

I am still reading the book. Its a very interesting read, to revive my general knowledge on world history as well as to understand my country in her early days better.

Go read it, its very interesting.

Mindless babbling in the wee hours

2007-01-02T03:24:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you are awake in the wee hours of the morning with nothing else to do and cannot get to sleep?

You surf around and be a kaypo, reading about the details of other people's lives, perhaps trying to get comparisons with your own life.

Its 3.25am and I am sitting here with a mask on my face and not being able to sleep. I think its probably its way past my normal bedtime and my body is not feeling the tiredness or sleepiness anymore. So I went to hydrate my face with a Neutrogena Deep Hydrating mask while babbling here. And I think I feel like shitting, I would hate to sit in the toilet now.

Back to the topic.

I am bored, not being able to sleep and got nothing to do.

I think I shall just lie on the bed.

Sigh... I cannot believe I just wrote such a stupid entry in my blog..

Late night mahjong

2007-01-02T03:09:00.000+08:00

I played mahjong today and surprises of all surprises, I actually did not manage to lose a lot! The emphasis is on a lot...

Heh.

I know the techniques of mahjong but I am real lousy at shuffling the tiles. And I like to win big so my chances of winning got reduced cos the bigger you wanna win, the higher the risk you would have to be prepared for.

And so, I choose to win small this time, hoping that I would win.

I didn't. Though I am quite happy with myself for not being the big loser.. Hah!

My loses: $11.40

The stakes: 10/20 cents each round.

Hah! Maybe my new year is not have such a bad start after all!

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

I was feeling rather down for the past couple of days. Maybe its my menses, but they were already gone. Perhaps shes decided to revisit me again. Damn. I cried until my eyes were swollen and freaked my parents out in the process and I have to go out later. Another damn. My PMS is scaring me a little. I get really really sensitive when I am having that. And then my anger and emotions will turn inward and I would think of ways to hurt myself. Its scaring the hell out of me. I mean, I have PMS previously but not anything like this. And its getting worse as I become older.

Anyway, as the story goes, as soon as my bout of irrationality comes, it went as fast as well. I booted up my lappie and surfed around.

And then I hear the birds chirping outside, the sun shining outside and Ozzie walking lazily around and I figured, things aren't so bad after all. The world is still spinning and I am still alive. I am still young, though the idea of hitting 30s is scaring me a little. You've got to admit it, I am getting old. Shit.

I thought of giving up this blog, to go away and take a breather for a while so that perhaps I can clear my head a little and think about what I want but then I figured, whether I go away or stay here, no one is gonna care.

So, I just wrote this entry, just to perhaps let everything out a little, just this while.

Maybe life is really beautiful after all. I am alive, I have all that I need, more than what I need actually. I have a secured job, I am independent, I am healthy. Most importantly, I am young. I can do anything that I want and set my mind on. Its just a matter of determination and objectivity.

With the coming of the new year, I resolve to be objective and grow up. I was just telling my mom that I will hit my 30s soon and as expected she asked me to get married. *roll eyes*

My new year resolution for 2007 shall thus be as below:
1) To earn $10k for the year and grow my savings for another $10K
2) Build my career
3) Get a driving license
4) If I am not married by 30, I shall get myself a car and perhaps a house, all by myself.
5) Shed 5kg and 5 inch from my waistline.

This shall be my guideline for how I am going to live 2007, any other things that do not fall within these 5 objectives shall be ignored so that I shall not be distracted.

Happy New Year everyone, may you get what you want for the new year and fulfilled whatever resolutions that you have for the new year ahead. :)

Of molestations and XiaXue

2006-12-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

I have been reading Xiaxue's blog for a while. In the beginning, I find her loud and obnoxious, one who is always swearing to get what she wants and one who is a thinks too highly of herself.

However, after exploring her site more and reading more into detail about her life, I find her a normal young girl at heart. One who is not afraid of speaking her mind and letting others know her thoughts, even though it offends others. And most of all, one who dares to stand up for herself and for her friends.

Her accounts of her being molested was a good read, not just on the weird kinds of MAN that exist but also on how she managed to stand up against these perverts.

I think most girls have one time of another been in a situation where MAN took advantage of them before. I believe I speak for them when I said the experience will make you feel disgusted and dirty and most of all angry. And yet, generally the most common reaction would be that of a forget-about-it kind of attitude cos its kind of embarrassing to make a fuss. There is also the fear of being accused that you are over reacting and it was just a simple accident.

I was in a number of such situations before. The youngest was when I was in primary school, probably about 10 years old. I had just started to develop breasts and because they are not obvious enough, I wasn't wearing any bra. I was at a swimming pool, waiting for my swimming lessons to commence when this middle aged man happened to slip and fall. His hands conveniently pressed onto my breasts, one hand on each breasts. I was flabbergasted, I mean I was young, not knowing what to do and he was so much bigger than me after all. Besides, he did seem like he had a real fall. He apologized and loiter around me. The nerve of him! Scared, I ran to my mum and told her. She ran out to confront that pervert but he was already gone.

Yucks.

Next incident. Common scenario. On the bus. I was sitting down and this man was beside me. He was sleeping soundly and also conveniently, his head nodded and rest conveniently on my chest, almost touching me. Anytime the bus jerked, his head would have rest comfortably on my breasts. Fucking sick bastard. Pardon the strong language cos I am still pissed when I think back now. Luckily, the bus reached my stop and I stood up. He looked up and looked irritated that the pair of bosoms that will soon to be his pillows were gone.

And then there was this time when I was sitting at the inner seat on a bus (again), and this old man was sleeping (again) beside me. The longer he slept, the nearer he would lean towards me and then his hands would just sort of fell onto my laps. I was trying my darnest to move inside and he was trying his darnest to lean onto me. Until finally, I stood up and sat behind him. Surprises and surprises he woke up and came to sit beside me again! Until this nice lady told me to sit beside her cos she witnessed the whole scene and apparently, according to her, she said she always noticed this old man trying the same trick quite a number of times.

There were some more incidents when I was taken advantage of. Brushing of my breasts, rubbing the dick on my thighs/butts, rubbing of shoulders, leaning closely towards me and intruding my private space etc, you name it.

Perverts are everywhere and like XX said, we should stand up for ourselves. Do not ever let yourself be shortchanged cos you are the only person to defend yourself. Let no one intrude your body. Most of all, respect yourself.

For this, I take my hat off XX. I admired her courage and respect her for saying what we should all be doing.

Life is beautiful?

2006-12-31T17:47:00.000+08:00

In the morning, i feel the breeze
The sun watches over me
The sound of water, the crashing sea
Is it only me, that feels alive
Its all ahead on me, cos it feels so right

Just open your eyes and see

That life is beautiful, so beautiful
Its beautiful to me
That life is beautiful, so beautiful
Its beautiful to me

Life can take anywhere
You don't know where it leads you
But you know you not alone
Just open your eyes and see

That life is beautiful, so beautiful
Its beautiful to me
That life is beautiful, so beautiful
Its beautiful to me

(Thank you, Paddy for sending me this song)

Is life really beautiful?
I did not see the sun, I did not feel the breeze, I did not see the crashing sea.
All I can see are the disappointments in life, the complications of human interactions, the anger and frustration of being let down and the dissatisfactions of being misunderstood.

Perhaps my vision is clouded.

Or perhaps not.

Sometimes when you expect too much, your disappointment is greater.

A friend stood me up today. And another friend disappoint me today.

The year of 2006 is leaving in a few hours. The year of 2007 is at our back door. The new year ushers in new hopes and new dreams. I hope this year shall be a better one than the past. I hope this year I will be more clear headed, more wise and more strong. I need all these to survive. I must survive. Life is a bitch in the ass sometimes and she will bite you in the ass if you are not smart or not tough enough to handle her.

Sometimes when you are disappointed too many times, you tend to get very defensive and very morbid. Perhaps its a kind of survival instinct.

Bite first before you get bitten.

Happy Birthday

2006-12-29T00:32:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday
Make a wish

Please accept my apologies, I wonder what would have been.
Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys.
Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes.
I paid for the murder before they determined the sex,
choosing our life over your life meant your death.
And you never got a change to even open your eyes,
sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life.

Would you have been a little genius? In love with math?
Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad?
Would you have been a little rapper like your poppa The Piper?
Would you have made me quit smoking by finding one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skin tone and shape of your nose,
and the way you would've laughed and talked fast or slow.
I think about it every year, so I picked up a pen.

Happy birthday, I love you whoever you would've been

Happy Birthday
What I thought was a dream
Make a wish
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

I got a million excuses, as to why you died.
And other people got their own reasons for homicide.
Who's to say it would've worked and who's to say I wouldn't have
I was young and struggling, but old enough to be a dad.
The fear of being my father has never disappeared,
I ponder it frequently while I was sippin' on my beer.
My vision of a family was artificial and fake
so what it came time to create, I made a mistake.
But now you got a little brother, maybe it's really you.
Maybe you really forgave us knowing we were confused.
Maybe, every time that he smiles, it's you proudly
knwing that your father's doing the right thing now.
I'll never tell a woman what to do with her body
but if she don't love children, then we can't party.

Happy Birthday, I love you whoever you would've been.
Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday
What I thought was a dream
Make a wish
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

And from the Heavens to the womb to the Heavens again.
From the ending to the ending, never got to begin.
Maybe one day we can meet face to face,
in a place without time and space.

Happy Birthday.

Merry Chirstmas!

2006-12-25T12:31:00.000+08:00

Merry Chirstmas everyone!

And a Happy New Year! May the new year usher in your wishes and make them come true!

Of love and expressions of love

2006-12-22T00:19:00.000+08:00

Magic is when 2 persons from different parts of location met and then sparks fly. It is when the 2 persons know that they are going to spend the rest of their lives together as one whole entity. Such is what we mere mortals call love. It has the power to fulfil, the power to heal and ironically, it also has the power to hurt, to break and to destroy.

I attended a friend's wedding today. The couple looked so happy together, they may not be very incompatible in terms of height or in terms of education or even in terms of family background. And yet, they are such a heavenly match. Most of all, they love each other so much. Love does not need to be seen from extravagances, it is readily seen from little actions and thoughts too. Actions like the groom pulling the bride's hands, the groom helping the bride to take her stuff, the bride wiping the beads of perspiration from the groom's forehead.

They looked so happy together.

I saw many expressions of love today. An uncle helping his wife to take food and asking her if she is alright. A young man rubbing the arm of his girlfriend when she was hugging herself. A bride worrying about if her groom has had his dinner amidst all the preparations for their wedding. Little expressions like this are more touching and heartwarming than extravaggant expressions of love.

A couple of people asked me today, "when shall be your turn to get married then?"

Seriously, I don really know how to answer their question. How am I going to answer them when I myself don even know the answer? Besides how am I going to tell them painful truth?

I will have to attend another wedding next week again. And then another 2 again next year.

I am tired. I have no idea if I can still withstand the emotional price that comes with seeing all these expressions of love. I really really don want to spend another afternoon coped up in my room crying again.

You will never know

2006-12-19T01:42:00.000+08:00

Problems, when you do not tackle them will just remain as problems. It is only when you have the solutions to tackle and solve your problems, then will they be destroyed.

However, sometimes there are no easy solutions around. I wish there were. I really wish there were. Problems, no matter what kind will tend to eat into you and pull you into an abyss of never ending state of sorriness.

Somehow I wish things could have been different. That I was at the wrong time and at the wrong moment. That during that faithful day, I did not stay up late or that I did not post a blog entry. Things are so weird sometimes. You never really know that what you do now, no matter how minute would lead to larger consequences.

Rain pours like never ending sorrow, coldness seeps like there is no tomorrow.

I care about your sorrow and I wanna know your sorrow. Every time you are cold, I feel a lot colder than you.

It hurts like hell for your heart feels like its being gutted by dagger.

And every time you feels that way, I feel a lot worse than you.

Its just that you will never know.

Person of the Year award

2006-12-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Oh Wow! I have been named the Person of the Year in Times magazine!

I would like to thank my parents, thank my friends, thank my aunties, thank my uncles, thank my sister, thank my brothers. I would like to thank my fans for reading about me and giving me this chance for contributing to the world. Thank you everyone!

Now, back to reality.... Shit...

Angst or simply boredom?

2006-12-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

I really wonder what is really the enjoyment in scribbling things that only you yourself can understand in an enclosed room; a toilet.

Looking at the scribblings, they are all done by kids, students, our children. Is this the product of our education or is this the fault of the parents? Who gets the blame? How about the children themselves? Ultimately they made the choice to destroy public property, should we put the fault on them or should we blame the adults?

This was taken at the toilet on the first level of West Mall. The toilets there have been vandalized so many times that the management there have kinda given up on washing it, choosing to repaint the walls instead. The original colour of the toilet walls were yellow, instead of dark green. Perhaps dark green paint is a cheaper paint?

Someone please tell me what is the joy and enjoyment in hiding in a dark and stinky toilet cubicle and drawing and scribbling words and phrases that only the scribblers can understand? I thought the whole idea of using a public toilet is to finish your business as fast as you can and then get the hell out cos its a dirty and germ/bacteria filled place? Why waste time there showing your creativity there when there are other better places for one to do that??

Sigh..

Of Sukiyaki and wet market

2006-12-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

I was at a Japanese restaurant along Siglap Road last weekend when I overhead the following conversation. It went something like this:

"Boy, you are eating Japanese food now. Next year, mummy shall bring you to Japan to eat their Japanese food ok."

I turned my head my right and there was this happy family having their dinner. On the table was an assortment of Japanese food. In fact, the table was packed with food. Some of them had actually spilled out onto the table top actually. There was a rather pretty lady with her hubby sitting beside her. On her right was a baby in a baby chair. Facing them were their children, a pair of boy and girl, less than 10 years of age.

And then I turned to my right. There was another family. And extended family this time. There was the a kid too and all the rest were adults. The kid looked also to be less than 10 years old.

At the far end of the restaurant, there was another happy family eating. There was a father and a mother with their boy and girl, also less than 10 years old.

In fact, everywhere I looked, almost all the patrons in the restaurants are families having their dinner. Me and my friend are the only non family there.

Back to the first family. I was thinking, "These people must be rich. Come to such a restaurant to having dinner and ordered so much food! That meal on the left alone must have cost like $200 plus I think! Singaporeans are definitely getting richer!

When I was younger, my parents never really brought us out for meals. Two simple reasons. First, nothing is healthier than eating at home. Second, we could never afford. My father was the sole breadwinner and he was a blue collar worker. My mum had to stay home and sew clothes to bring the 3 of us up. Dinner everyday was a simple meal consisting of 2 dishes and a soup at home. Holidays were spent at home watching TVs during the weekdays, whatever shows that was on and then cartoons during the weekends. Sometimes, father would bring us whole family out for an evening out at the nearby NTUC to get groceries for the week. McDonald's was once in a super purple moon. (Come to think of it, I cannot recall my parents bring us to McDonald's for a meal!) Toys for us kids were bought from the nearby market place and I have always enjoyed going with my mother to the wet market when I was younger cos that would meant that I might have a chance to get her to buy me toys.

I wonder if those kids in the Japanese restaurants ever stepped into a wet market with its slippery floor, its dirty and smelly chicken cages with live chickens inside and sweaty uncles and aunties shouting and blabbering in dialects. Or have they ever played at the local playground with the sand, getting all sweaty and dirty? Or seeing their father worked his ass off, sometimes 24 hours a day, all through the night and then coming back home, pissed and dirty cos he was bullied by his supervisor? Or seeing their mother sewed clothes until late in the night just to earn that few hundreds and then feeling overjoyed when her earnings for that month hit a record high of $300?

I really wonder......

Anyway, just some pictures of the stuff that I had. The Japanese restaurant do serve up a mean dish of beef Sukiyaki though....

Casino Royale 007%

2006-12-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

He does not look as charming though...

Choices again

2006-12-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply:

"If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made people curious, so one day someone went up to Jerry and asked him：

"No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business. He left the back door of his restaurant open. In the morning, he was robbed by three armed men.

While Jerry was trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

Six weeks later, Jerry was up and running. When people asked about his health, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" When people asked about what he was thinking while being robbed, he replied, "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,"

"Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live."

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"There was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

'Yes,' I replied.

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'.

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

Every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours -- that no one can control or take from you is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

2006-12-03T20:27:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to go Vivo City today. Its huge, its humongous..!

It kinda reminds me of a cross between Mid Valley and KLCC in Kuala Lumpur.

I went to the cinema there, GV Max and apparently its one of the largest screen in Asia, as told by CN, to which I asked, how is anyone able to say its one of the largest when there are tons of cinemas in Asia. I mean, Asia is the largest continent and there are so many countries in there so how can a cinema in little Singapore claimed to be one of the largest?! And to which CN replied, "One of, the emphasis is on 'One of'."

Anyway, there is even a watered walkway on the highest level, which by the way is only level 3. The place is large cos it spreads out far. The watered walkway is just a long and wide and shallow pool which spans the center portion of the highest level. There were a number of kids waddling in the pool and some adults walking inside with their kids too. I was quite impressed with it, its rather unique and creative, though someone should do something to the colour of the tiles in the pool. Its a light shade of beige and it made the pool water looked muddy. A turquoise or blue or green colour would be so much better.

The day I permed my hair

2006-12-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

I went to perm my hair today.

It took so long. I think I entered the salon at about 1pm and only exited from the place at about 4pm. My hair was pulled, stretched, curled, blown dry and cut. Besides all these, I have lots of chemicals dumped on it too.

And the whole process set me back by $273.

It was money well spent though.

The first thing that my mum said when she saw me was that you look so pretty, so different, so like a bride. Now, that really helps to cheer me up manz..!

I think I looked so much better than before. My hair has much more volume now and with my fading colouring of my hair, I think I kinda looked a little like a Japanese porn starlet. Minus the figure though. Heh!

Crazy coke and mentos!

2006-11-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

I have realized

2006-11-28T20:26:00.000+08:00

I am moving out. Period.

2006-11-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

My switch for the adaptor of my lappie was near my window. Every night I would sleep with the window open and last night was no different.

I finished surfing the internet and was preparing to go to bed. I walked towards to the switch to turn off the power. My sis was sleeping on the floor underneath the front of the window with her dog as usual. (For the life of me, I just cannot understand why on earth would she want to sleep on the floor with a dog. I really don't. I mean you can say that she loves her dog but sleeping with a dog?! Even my friends who are animal lovers find that a little ridiculous too.)

Anyway, I was walking towards the switch in the dark and tripped over my sister's leg. I fell forward and pressed on the window in front of me, except the window panes were pushed outwards. There were no grilles on the window. My left hand shot out and I fell forward further. It was a lucky thing my right hand found the metal side of the windows and stopped my fell.

Otherwise, I would have fell 14 levels down.

Mr patience is really running low on her. First, the birds who are always screeching every hours of the days, and now the dog. Its not as if bringing the dog into my room is enough, she has to sleep with it. As with all dogs, they have a stench. Its useless to brush their teeth or bathe them, they just have a distinct doggie stench. And my room is always filled with the stench every single morning cos we close the door when we sleep and the smell just got stuck in the room.

And then there is her problem of her sleeping on the floor with her dog. One of these days, I am really going to fall 14 levels down to my death if she continues doing that.

I really have it. This is my house too and yet I do not seem to have a say over how I can live inside. I admit I am not a big fan of birds and dogs, I prefer cats. But its the idea that I have to live everyday in an environment that I hate. My bedroom is filled with a doggie stench and I have to live with birds screeching every single day.

I am really going to live out on my own. I seriously have it with my sister and her crazy infatuations with animals. This is my home too, I want to live a life of my own. I want peace and quiet when I am home during the weekends without any birds screeching and a room without a doggie stench. I ain't animal, I am human and I want a place fit to live for humans.

I am moving out. Period.

What kind of kiss do you have?

2006-11-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.
Take this quiz!

Heh, I sure do hope that I kiss this well!

一知半解

2006-11-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

You know, sometimes being careful when you are dealing with a language that you know nuts about is a very wise thing to do, especially when you want to carve out a word on your body.

Someone should really tell this fellow what his tattoo means...

From 一知半解

Anyway, I found this while surfing around looking for tattoo designs. I finally found a place to tattoo. I want something that shall stretch from my upper back, over my shoulder and stop just above my left breast. Something like a large phoenix or some exotic abstract design. Something that is shocking and beautiful. Something like this.

Man, this shall cost me a bomb...... Anyone wants to sponsor my Christmas present??

Would you make a pact for it?

2006-11-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

First question:

What is the thing that you desire most in the world? Something that you have always wanted and yet have never been able to get it. Something like luck, like power, like fame, like wealth? Or perhaps something intangible like being a great writer, a great musician, a great painter or a great philanthropist? It can also be in the form of someone whom you desire, the girl of your dreams, the girl who you have always wanted and yet have not been able to win her heart.

Second question:

What would you give for it? Would you give your soul for it? Would you make a pact with the devil to get it?

I am sick

2006-11-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

You know something was not right when you woke up in the middle of the night with a dry and sore throat. Your body, limbs and torso hurt like hell and you were breaking out in cold sweat. You felt hot and cold at the same time. One moment, you were perspiring like mad and then the next you shivered with cold and gotta cover yourself with a thick blanket.

And when the morning broke, you felt like dying. Although it felt a lot better after a shower, you still had a bad throat and it felt so prickly.

Throughout the meeting, you were coughing and sniffing all the time. Then your throat felt so dry and salty. In the air con room, you shivered and when you got out, you were feeling so hot and warm that you were perspiring all the time. Back in the air con room, you felt really cold again. Even the toilet felt like a freezer.

Your body started to heat up and now you feel the onset of a headache. And your body is aching all over. Dinner tasted like shitty cardboard and your throat is starting to hurt real bad.

Now I am wondering if I can still go Sentosa tomorrow...

Where do I leave my Private Emotions tonight?

2006-11-16T21:35:00.001+08:00

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you, baby can't you see
You're the only one, who can shine for me

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it
Where ever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me

When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street
Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it
Where ever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry

It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light

And where ever you may find it
Where ever it may lead

Let your private emotion come to me

Come to me

I just don't want to miss you tonight

2006-11-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me that this is a very good breakup song, I wonder if this song applies to me at the moment as well.

2 interesting features about this song:
a) Title of the song is Iris and yet there is no mention of the name in the song
b) This song shares my name and yet I hate it and love it at the same time.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

My most embarrassed fall ever.

2006-11-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

I went to the gym earlier. I already said I am serious and determined about getting of Big Martha, she had already overstayed her welcome and I cannot wait to rid her off.

Anyway, the first thing I did was to cycle non stop for 20 minutes.

Then I hit the running track, immediately after my cycle. When I said immediately, I meant hopped-from-the-bicycle-to-the-running-track kinda immediate. The 2 machines were just beside each other.

After the 20 minutes of running, my legs were rather wobbly. I was trying hard to steady myself on the still moving track.

But my legs were too tired and too jellylike to support me and Big Martha.

I stopped.

The track did not stop.

The inevitable happened.

It was slip, fell and got thrown off the track. Me, Big Martha and all.

Before going on about my adventures, I would like to remind you sick readers here who by now must be laughing at my mishap that it was late evening and the peak hour for working people to hit the gym after their work. There were like 20 or 30 people in the small gym. With the ceiling to floor mirrors, every one can see every one.

All activities in the room ceased.

I stood up and walked slowly to the toilet like it was the most natural thing to get thrown off the running track.

All pairs of eyes seem to follow me on my way to the toilet.

I went past a muscular man with the largest pair of biceps that I ever seen and he wanted to help me to the toilet. I waved him off with a laugh and said I was alright.

My butt was hurting like hell.

Sometimes I really wonder in self-amazement on my clumsiness.

His awkward situation

2006-11-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

I was with my big boss at the Motor Show on last Thursday and we were strolling along, having a great visual feast on the cars and the girls. There weren't many people there yet cos the show had not officially started.

Suddenly, the boss remarked with a seemingly non-approving tone, "Look at that girl, so young already got tattoo." I looked and there it was, rather large and at the girl's smaller back.

I was a little put off by his tone, so I said, "Erm, whats wrong with having a tattoo, I also have one."

He was a little taken back and went, "Oh really! You too!"

After that, nothing much interesting happened, other than him teasing me whenever he could about my tattoo. The point is, I think I kinda put him in an awkward position with his remark.

Last night, during a drinking session with 1 of our customers, he was teasing my boss about how pretty young female graduates would not want to work under him.

And so I said," Hmm, I felt insulted."

He went, "Oh no! I wasn't referring to the current girls working under him! I was talking about the freshies!" And then he toasted me as a form of apology of sorts.

It only struck me earlier that I kinda put my boss in an awkward situation twice.

Me go girl!

2006-11-14T22:32:00.000+08:00

You know something, I think I have had it of being sad and moody and angry all the time. Bloody hell, I have really had it man! I mean, the more I read my blog, the foolish-er I feel! My gawd, I am like wallowing in my own self-pity shit all the time!

My new year resolution for the new year shall be as followed:

1) Relax, be happy and take it easy
2) Get a driving license
3) Get over my past
4) Focus on my career
5) Get a credit card!

You go girl!

Or perhaps I should say, me go girl!

Being alone

2006-11-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

Being alone in a room, in the house to be exact just isn't exactly a normal way to spend one's weekend. The only things I have for companion is my laptop, my walls, my headphone and the Internet.

I would really love to have some human interactions, a chat, a talk, a hug. Just some form of indications that I am wanted, that I am loved, that I am needed.

I think I am so dull inside that I don feel anything, nothing at all, no tears, no feelings, just a dull acceptance of what was to come. I don even feel anger at all and neither do I even feel pain now. I guess this is perhaps the worst form of pain? Just as well.

On second thoughts, I think I rather prefer to live alone in my room. I am too tired of human relationships. In fact, I am too tired for anything else. No one bothers about me anyway.

Its funny but being sad actually makes me alive and makes my literary juices flow. So ironic. So pathetic.

Journey to nowhere (2)

2006-11-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

Some views on my way to my gym workout yesterday.

The first one is actually of a tiny little lizard or chameleon who was suntanning itself on a piece of concrete. Try and see if you can notice the happy little bugger..

The Heart Attack Burger!

2006-11-12T10:57:00.000+08:00

Would any of you dare the try this mother of all burgers!?

Its called the Triple Bypass Burger - you are gonna need a triple heart bypass after you try it!

In case you are wondering, its calories hits 8000..!!!

From the Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona

Apparently they have antagonized some real nurses due to the notti nurse-wears that the waitresses wear.

Singapore Motor Show 2006

2006-11-12T10:42:00.000+08:00

And this is my most favorite picture of all..

My bus journey

2006-11-09T20:52:00.000+08:00

I once read a story about a girl and a bus that she was taking. Its a journey with a very, very long duration, one that will last her an entire lifetime.

I was reminded of this story when I recalled my own bus journey.

I was very young when I got onto the bus. I was very scared cos I was very alone. There was no one to guide me what I should do or how I should react on the journey.

Then the bus made a stop. Another girl came up the bus. She was my age and she looked really pretty. She came and sat beside me. We began to chat. And chat and chat. We promised each other that we will always remain as best friends. Sometimes we would get into arguments and sometimes we would get into cold wars but ultimately we would always end up being alright in the end. We were the bestest of friends.

And then her stop came. She waved her goodbyes and skipped down the steps. And she was gone like that. She did turn her head back to give me a last look before running off but after that she never looked back. I was sad. My best friend had already forgotten me. But I moved on, and continued my bus journey.

I was alone for a while, in my thoughts, having learned a new lesson in life.

The bus made another stop again. This time a young boy came in the bus. He saw me and smile at me. I was struck at once by his goofy grin. He was tall, much taller than me and had very broad and muscular shoulders. He came over and sat beside me. We talked and talked and never seemed to run out of topic to talk. Soon he began to hold my hands and hug me. I love the way he smelled and the way he talked. And the way he kissed. It was so sweet. I thought this time it will definitely be different from my best friend. I thought this young man would sit beside me permanently.

Alas, after a while, his hug was more and more distant, his kisses no longer as sweet, his conversation less warm. I no longer find him as warm as before. After a while I find his presence irksome and began to hope that he would get off his seat and get off the bus. I got what I wished and this young man arrived at his stop and he hopped down the bus, leaving his lingering scent on his seat, and went on his journey, never even giving me a second glance.

I picked up yet another lesson in life.

Suddenly, the bus came to another stop. This time however there were a large group of people, all of them about my age. They were very loud and cheerful. I like the way they talked and the way they played. They saw me and waved at me, coming over to my seat. They crowd around me and talked to me. I enjoyed their presence a lot. I know these are the people who will never let me down and whom I can count on forever if I were to need their help.

But this group of people also had their own journey to proceed. One by one they arrived at their stops and got off the bus. They left their contacts with me, making me promise to call them should I need any help. I smiled sadly and nodded. Their presence left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I was alone once more.

And then the bus stopped again. This time a man came up the bus. I saw him and liked the way he walked so I waved him over, asking him to come over and sit with me. He smiled and came over. We talked, we chatted, we touched, we kissed and we hugged. We never ran out of topics to talk and we help each other with our problems. However, there were always the incessant arguments that we always seem to get into. It was after a while when the man said he could not tolerate me anymore and he stomped off the bus. I was left alone wondering what exactly had happened.

For a while I just stared out of the window, looking for the man, hoping that he would look back and explained to me what went on but it was not meant to be. He never looked back.

I was left alone again.

Suddenly, the bus opened its doors and the same man came in and sat beside me. I was amazed at his return. We were at our happiest again, talking and chatting again. This time we were more tolerant of each other though. But as before, we continued to quarrel and before long, the man stomped off the bus again. This time however, I was already prepared, though funnily enough, I still felt an aching inside. It seemed like however much preparation, there would always be a kind of dull ache whenever you are left alone.

And so I was once again left alone. On my bus journey, on an empty bus, wondering who will be coming up my bus. Another young girl or a young boy or a group of cheerful people or the man who made me angry and yet happy all the time?

Perhaps it would be better if I were left alone.

Help

2006-11-08T19:57:00.000+08:00

Its so painful, why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to be made to go through this again?

Why do you have to do this to me? What did I do wrong?

How do I get rid of the pain? Its so suffocating, please someone tell me.

It ended

2006-11-08T17:38:00.000+08:00

The first time it happened, I was left with a daze, amazed that it happened so fast. I never really comprehend what exactly happened that can make someone so close to me so angry with me.

Then he came back. It was a weird return. I never thought he would return to my life again. It was with a much heavy heart that I accepted it cos I already know what was going to be the consequences. And yet I accepted it.

The second time it happened, I was left with a heavy heart, a very heavy heart. I guess I have already been preparing for it to happened.

And now I am left with a very empty feeling again. I felt like a puppet sometimes, always being manipulated.

Its at times like these that I really hated myself for being so weak.

The Crime Library

2006-11-08T15:26:00.000+08:00

I took leave today, to clear my mind as well as to take a break. I wasn't feeling quite well for the past couple of weeks, emotionally as well as physically. Perhaps its due to the hormone pills that I was taking. I think I lost some weight too, don know for sure cos I never weigh myself but my pants are definitely looser. Thats perhaps the only good thing that comes out of it since I started on the pill.

So now here I am, on a humid afternoon surfing on my laptop since the morning. My mobile was silent, thankfully, cos I am not dealing with operations anymore. Thank God for that..

I went through tons of sites, interesting ones and boring ones, read through dozens of blogs about the lives of people, some really interesting and some really mundane.

I think the one site which affected me the most is the Crime Library. It showcase the hideous nature of human, the stuff that mothers tell to their kids to scare them shitless when they are naughty and the stuff that most people would rather not talk about it just to appear normal.

Spent a large portion of the afternoon reading through the pages of the crimes that appear during history. Its scary how humans are actually capable of such sadistic acts. On the upside however, its also amazing how the law enforcers are able to deal with what they do, how they actually are able to still be normal when faced with evil. Its like reading CSI, Law & Order or NYPD, the reality version.

Ok, back to more sadistic activities of our society.

Which would you choose?

2006-11-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

The best kind of love is one which sets you free, one which allows you to breathe.

The worse kind of hate is one which does not affect you anymore, one which is so strong that in the end, you don even feel anything anymore.

The worse kind of betrayal is one which you move on without word.

The worse kind of feeling is when you are feeling the worse kind of hatred, towards yourself.

Which would you choose?

The Orochi

2006-11-05T10:39:00.000+08:00

T'was the first time we imported such a funny looking car. Everyone in the yard was having fun and driving it around. The car was rather fragile and was not meant to be driven. Its a prototype meant for the Motor Show 2006. Apparently, I was told that there will be 5 race queens show casing the car.

Look nice, feels cool but not a powerful car though. Believe it or not, its only a V6 and the engine is from Toyota.

It looked like this when it just came out from the container.

Beside the Orochi, there were 2 other models. All looking like cars out of some 60s movies.

I love the black one best. Sure head-turner if you drive it out.. And the interior is so comfortable that you can just live in it.

Simple things

2006-11-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I should try to separate myself from my emotions. I am getting too emotional these days, perhaps its my hormones working up, or perhaps its just cos i have too much on my mind, my work, my personal life. Everything seem to be a big chunk of mess. How the hell did I ever let myself get into this situation?

Sometimes I just think I have became 2 very different person, one; the quiet and simple one, doing what was expected of me all the time and the other; a very demanding and bitchy girl who expect others perform according to her childish wants.

Sometimes I think I am not ready to grow up at all. Sometimes I feel that I am just a little girl stuck in this woman's body. And it feels suffocating, the responsibilities are too heavy, the environment is just too chaotic and the people are just too complicated. Everyone seem to have their own agenda.

Why couldn't things just be as simple as possible?

Mr Tomato

2006-10-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

My mum bought me this huge tomato pillow a couple of weeks back. T'was only today that I realized that I've actually got a friend who is known as Mr Tomato. Heh!

So Mr Tomato, is this one of your long lost relatives?? :D